


Please, let me watch you

by SuperEllen



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Sex, Both Bokuto and Kuroo went to college in this one, Gay porn videos, Jealous Bokuto Koutarou, M/M, Masturbation, Misunderstandings, Oral Sex, Porn, Porn Watching, Porn star!Kuroo, Protective Bokuto Koutarou, Sexual Attraction, Voyeur!Bokuto, Voyeurism, college volleyball, sex on camera, shameless pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:01:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 49,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26319844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperEllen/pseuds/SuperEllen
Summary: Bokuto was in college with a volleyball scholarship. He was aware that not everyone was so lucky, and that college was expensive, but he would have never imagined that someone as intelligent and resourceful as Kuroo could pay for his education by doing gay porn. And of course Bokuto had to find out about it the hardest possible way.Moreover, Bokuto would have never thought that Kuroo's porn could turn his life upside down that much.
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou, past Kuroo Tetsurou/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 209
Kudos: 354





	1. The discovery

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! Even though I have another long fic that is still ongoing, I wanted to start posting this one as well. I'll be posting a chapter every Sunday until it's finished, but maybe later on in the story I might start posting chapters twice a week instead of once a week. The story is already completed and revised, so I shouldn't have any problems keeping up with a regular schedule.
> 
> I started writing this when the time-skip arc in the manga had barely begun, therefore that wasn't considered at all in the plotting I initially made. This is the reason why this can be considered a canon divergence, that follows canon until the end of the nationals arc, and goes au from there. Anything that happened or that we found out about during the time-skip arc will not be considered at all in here.
> 
> I would like to remind you also that English is not my first language, so there's a limit to the editing I can do on my own. If you find any terrible language mistakes, please let me know and I'll correct them.
> 
> In this first chapter, there is also a warning that I would like to add. I didn't put it in the tags because it's mild and it only refers to the first chapter anyway. But please note that in this chapter there is a **warning** for alcohol abuse that causes random drunken stupidity. Also, in the first chapter we very quickly skip through some het porn and a couple of kinky videos (a couple of paragraphs in total and it's not too graphic, I swear).
> 
> You can always feel free to let me know what you think about what you've read so far. Kudos and comments are always appreciated, as your feedback is what keeps me going.

"Bokuto, come have another drink!" a boy yelled, his voice still barely audible over the incredibly loud music.

The party was awesome, and Bokuto was having the time of his life. So what? Maybe he was a little drunk, but it wasn't like he was the only one. His entire volleyball team was wasted, and the captain was the one in the worst condition. To be honest, while he was still in high school struggling with his studies, Bokuto would have never imagined that college could be so much fun. The moment he saw his team captain jump on a table and take off his shirt yelling that he was incredibly hot, however, Bokuto was sure that he was going to enjoy college very much. He would have never been able to do something like that himself, back at Fukurodani, as Akaashi would have probably restrained him after trying much less than that. Such a buzzkill, that one.

At first, Bokuto snickered at that thought. After a few moments, however, he got caught by nostalgia, and immediately he started to miss Akaashi and the rest of his old team much more than he usually did. That was the reason why, at 2:00 am on a school day, he took out his cellphone and called his best friend.

The phone rang a few times, and Bokuto was almost about to hang up when someone picked up. "Bokuto-san?" Akaashi asked, his voice confused and definitely sleepy. The poor boy was a third year in high school with pretty good grades, after all, and captain of the volleyball team, so his days were tiring enough without having to wake up in the middle of the night for absolutely no reason. But since Bokuto was completely smashed, it wasn't like he could have jumped to that conclusion himself.

"Akaaaaaaashiiiiiiiii!" he yelled inside the receiver, loud enough to surmount the volume of the music. Between the background noise and Bokuto's voice, now Akaashi had to be wide awake for sure.

"Bokuto-san, are you okay? Did something happen?" the younger boy asked, now concerned.

"I'm super-duper!" Bokuto replied immediately, his voice more high-pitched than usual. "I just missed you a lot, so I thought that maybe I could call you. Do you know that my team captain is doing shit you would have never allowed me to do, and nobody is trying to stop him? It's freaking hilarious!"

Bokuto's blabbering was accompanied by Akaashi's occasional sigh. He was clearly trying to put an end to the conversation and go back to sleep without risking to be impolite with his senpai.

In the end, it probably took all of Akaashi's self-control in order to convince Bokuto to let him go back to bed, but the moment they hung up the phone, the former ace of Fukurodani felt nostalgia wash over him once again. It was almost time for the play-offs to decide Tokyo's representatives to nationals, for what remained of his old team. That thought, of course, brought back the memory of winning nationals the previous year, which was mainly what had landed him a volleyball scholarship to a great college.

Five minutes later, Bokuto was curled up in a corner on the floor, hugging his own knees and looking miserable. Fuck college, he wanted to go back to high school! No more than five months had passed since the day at nationals when Bokuto decided to be a reliable ace during matches, instead of getting depressed all the time and forcing his team to protect him, and the boy was proud to admit that his intentions had stuck. He indeed didn't get dispirited during matches anymore. What happened outside the court, however, was an entirely different story. He still got dejected about pretty much anything, and it was still very easy for him to go from ecstatic to desperate in a second. That was exactly why he ended up in a corner of his team's libero's living room with watery eyes.

He didn't remain there for long, however, because the moment a couple of teammates reached him, without even noticing that he was in a bad mood by the way, and offered him a glass of whatever they were drinking, he was up and smiling once again. His mood swings were quick both to appear and to vanish.

The party ended around 4:00 am, when most of the guests were gone or asleep on any available surface. Bokuto was one of the people asleep on the floor, his head propped against the leg of the second year reserve setter and feet on a coffee table. He was too drunk to walk back to his dorm room and go to bed. To be honest, he was also too tired to even move enough to take his feet off the coffee table, no matter that the position wasn't one of the most comfortable he could achieve. In fact, Bokuto had all the intention of sleeping right there until early afternoon, hoping to wake up without too much of a hangover.

His hopes and dreams, however, got crushed by the weight of a body falling right on top of him. "What the hell?" he dragged those words, as they came out with difficulty. The house owner laughed at his reaction while trying without much success to get back up.

"Sorry buddy, I think I lost my footing for a moment there" the libero informed him, giggling the entire time. He was clearly still very drunk.

"Get off!" Bokuto wined, trying to push the older boy away without much success. The third year, after all, was particularly tall and muscular for a libero, and Bokuto was too drunk to remember how to use all of his body strength.

Struggling to get free, Bokuto managed to push the libero away, and the guy fell on top of the second year reserve setter, waking him up as well. By the time the host was able to stand up, there were five of them completely awake, including Bokuto.

"We should try to go home" a first year middle blocker suggested. The boy, however, was incredibly ingenuous to think that the rest of his teammates would have agreed to that.

"What kind of wussy are you?" the captain insulted him immediately, trying his best to balance himself in order to stand up as straight as possible, though without much success. Bokuto laughed out loud when the captain ruinously fell, bringing the first year middle blocker down with him.

"What do you want to do, then?" the second year reserve setter asked with a yawn, unsure of what their team captain's intentions were.

"Let's do something crazy! Let's do something fun!" the captain exclaimed, throwing both arms in the air. The rest of them laughed, but Bokuto didn't. He actually put on a concentrated expression, trying to figure out what crazy and fun thing they could be doing.

"Should we use the curtains to swing from the ceiling?" Bokuto finally suggested. Yes, that was both crazy and incredibly fun, they should have definitely tried that!

"That's the spirit!" the captain agreed, clapping his back with inhuman strength, right at the same time that the libero started shaking his head.

"If we rip off the curtains, my mother will kill me!" he explained. That was, in fact, his parents' house, where he still lived since it was right outside campus. Apparently, the fact that his parents were out of town for the weekend was a good enough reason to throw a party, but even though he was wasted, he was still able to be afraid of what his mother could have said once they got back.

"What then?" Bokuto asked, since his suggestion had been dismissed by their host.

"Let's watch porn and laugh at the porn stars!" the captain suggested with his typical attitude, jumping a little on the spot. Man, he really was smashed! On a normal day, the captain was definitely more serious than that, even though his exuberance was still the same.

Bokuto didn't know if watching porn in order to make fun of porn stars was actually an entertaining idea, but the captain had suggested it, so he decided to go along with enthusiasm. The others followed after him, until all of them agreed that it was the best course of action. There were another couple of people crashing on the couches on the other side of the room, who were so fast asleep that even that racket hadn’t woken them up. All of the guys, however, agreed that maybe watching porn in a room with sleeping people wasn't the best possible option, even though it would have been awesome to connect a computer to the huge flat screen TV in order to watch it better.

In the end, the five of them retreated to the host's bedroom, and all of them found a way to sit down on the bed or around it. The owner of the house was sitting on the bed exactly in the middle, a laptop on his knees, and when he turned it on everyone else scooted a little closer in order to be able to see the screen, that unfortunately wasn't very big. Bokuto was in a corner of the bed, so he changed his position and got closer, rising up on his knees and positioning himself right behind the libero, so that he could have a better view of the computer.

When everything was ready, the captain suggested the website to use and their search for porn finally started.

At first, they started scrolling down the homepage, filled with videos of latest additions and most viewed. They decided to click on a video that wasn't much old, but it had thousands of views. In the video, a girl with huge fake boobs was fingering herself, moaning with pleasure. All of the boys sat in silence watching the video, but none of them was laughing. It definitely wasn't bringing forth the desired effect.

"Dude, I'm getting hard here, change the video!" the captain stated, making Bokuto chuckle. The others agreed with him, each of them stating that they needed to find something more comical. They ended up opening a video where a man was twisting his face into hilarious expressions while pounding into a girl from behind. The girl wasn't even that pretty, and she was clearly trying too hard to sound excited, because her screams of pleasure seemed more as if someone was torturing an animal. That was indeed funny.

Bokuto laughed alongside his teammates, as all of them commented on what they were seeing. He was feeling carefree, having actual fun with his team; all thoughts of missing high school from earlier were now completely forgotten. Together, they made fun of the way the girl was acting, too rehearsed and forced to even sound remotely real, and the strange faces the man with her was making, probably trying not to burst out laughing in her face himself. He was a professional indeed, because any other man would have been cackling at the moment.

When that video ended, they scrolled down the page and clicked on one of the suggestions presented as something they might have liked based on what they just watched. And indeed they liked that other video as well, because the girl was the same and her loud, fake pleasure was just hilarious. They had tears in their eyes by the time the video ended.

"Let's look for something more extreme" the libero stated, going back to the homepage in order to sift through the categories, looking for something better.

"You know, this website has a gay version. My sister is very much into dudes fucking dudes, so she always leaves that stuff in the browser history of the computer we share at home. Let me" the first year middle blocker announced, extending his arms towards the libero while asking him for the computer. They all thought that it might have actually been fun to laugh at gay porn, so the host finally accepted to pass his computer over. The younger boy put in an address and opened the homepage. It looked exactly identical to the one they were surfing before, except for the background color. And for the fact that this time the people in the video previews were all men.

The middle blocker passed the laptop back to its owner, who started scrolling through the categories trying to figure out what to choose. They ended up watching a video where two huge and hairy men penetrated each other's asses with dildos that seemed to be way too big to fit. There definitely was a lot to laugh about in that video, starting with the animal-like growls the men were letting out while they received pleasure. The boys even tried to reproduce those sounds, and the second year reserve setter made such a spectacular effort that he ended up falling off the bed, making everyone else laugh even harder.

After that video was over, they watched another one in which a poor young boy, probably not older than eighteen, received a double penetration from two huge dicks. It looked so painful that none of the boys had the courage to laugh, and they immediately switched videos, when the libero clicked on a random one in the suggested list at the bottom of the page, just to get that frightening image off the screen.

Bokuto was still feeling the phantom pain for the double penetration he'd just witnessed, therefore he didn't even notice what the libero had clicked on. The first thing he could see, however, was a dick that was occupying most of the screen. Along with the dick, a couple of thighs appeared in the frame. From what he could see, that body probably belonged to someone pretty young, even though his thighs looked strong. Maybe someone who practiced a sport? And that person on the screen was masturbating. Even though he couldn't see much more than his penis, Bokuto could still hear the sounds the guy was making. His moans sounded pretty real, meaning that the guy was actually enjoying himself, not faking the pleasure. That was probably fueling the others’ laughter even more.

The guy's dick was _huge_ , Bokuto also noticed. Well, not as thick as his was, but it was definitely longer. And the way he was pumping it was so sensual that Bokuto's mouth was almost salivating. It must have been because he was drunk. Yes, that was the reason for sure, because he couldn't imagine what else could have brought him to find a guy masturbating so attractive. His teammates were laughing at the video, just as they'd laughed at the previous ones, but this time Bokuto couldn't join them, because he was mesmerized by the sight in front of his eyes, not amused.

The camera moved up, focusing on the guy's abs, and Bokuto was now able to admire the six-pack. The body was slender, yet he could still see each perfectly defined muscle. He imagined that the guy was spending a lot of hours at the gym in order to maintain his body looking like that. Then the camera kept moving up, until it was filming the face of the guy. Bottom lip caught between his teeth, cheeks a little flushed, eyes shut, disheveled black hair falling on his forehead.

At that point, Bokuto's brain went haywire and he screamed at the top of his lungs, not giving a fuck about the teammates whose hearing he was damaging. Without taking the time to breathe, he kept yelling and yelling, so loud that he probably woke up the entire neighborhood, including the dead from the local cemetery. He couldn't care less about any of that. Because the super-hot guy with the beautiful dick masturbating on the screen was fucking _Kuroo Tetsurou_ , so Bokuto had every right in the world to panic!


	2. Watching

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you for reading so far.  
> I would like to add that I've written the entire fic following Bokuto's pov, but after posting the first chapter I felt the need to write an additional chapter. This additional chapter is set pretty much in the middle of the story and will follow Kuroo's pov after the events of the previous couple of chapters. Therefore the total number of chapters is now 18 instead of 17. Everything, however, is already written and revised, so updates will still be regular.

He kept yelling and yelling until the captain punched him in the chest, not with enough strength to really hurt, but strong enough to push him off the bed and cut off his breath for a second. The moment his ass hit the floor, Bokuto tried to regain a little of composure. His heart was beating a little too fast, and he didn't have the slightest idea of how to slow it down. What was he supposed to do? For the first time in his life, probably because he was shitface drunk, he thought that someone's dick looked good; interesting, even. And then, to his uttermost shock, he found out that said dick belonged to one of his closest friends from high school.

Even though they were in different schools, Bokuto had always appreciated Kuroo's company. The two of them were pretty similar, when it came to joking around and pranking people. In addition to that, sometimes Kuroo could be incredibly sly, a characteristic that the wing spiker had always found to be appealing. The two of them together were a force to be reckoned with, the perfect friends. He would have never in a million years even thought about the possibility of finding Kuroo attractive. They were buddies, and that was it. Plus, he didn't even like boys to begin with.

Therefore, sue him if he was in shock at the moment! With his ass still on the floor, Bokuto tried his best to regain a little of composure, while the other four boys massaged their ears. The four of them were all looking in his direction with confusion, a little irritated, while on the screen of the laptop Kuroo was still masturbating in an extremely sensual way, even though nobody was watching him now.

"Dude, what the hell is wrong with you?" the captain asked Bokuto, probably trying to understand why the hell he just started screaming as if his life depended on it.

The former captain of Fukurodani found the sudden urge to stare at the legs of the bed. What was he supposed to say? He couldn't say that he knew the boy in the video, because he would have never heard the end of it from the rest of his team. He thought it was better if he kept that notion to himself, just to be sure. He didn't want to risk his teammates bringing up the subject again. And of course he couldn't say that he found the masturbating guy attractive either. He needed to come up with an excuse, though, and fast, before he started arousing suspicion.

"When I saw how ugly that guy is, I got scared" he lied, obviously. Because _ugly_ was the farthest word from what could describe Kuroo at the moment. _Gorgeous_ was definitely more fitting. He looked as hot as hell itself. But of course Bokuto couldn't say that either. Therefore he kept insisting on his lie, hoping that his teammates wouldn't understand the truth.

Hearing those words, the others turned back towards the laptop, examining the boy on the screen, probably checking if he really was ugly enough to scare someone. "He doesn't seem that ugly. Actually, I bet a guy like that has a lot of success with the girls. Or well, the boys, I suppose" the second year reserve setter commented, while the others pretty much agreed, nodding beside him. Great, the four of them were even able to admit that Kuroo was good looking, and that of course didn't help even a little bit.

"I guess I'm a little tired. Maybe I should head back to my dorm" Bokuto suggested, scratching the back of his head as a way to hide his embarrassment. The others agreed that maybe, now that the wing spiker's yell had been enough to sober them all up, they should call it a night and just put an end to what remained of the party. The libero closed the laptop, but before he could do that, Bokuto tried to take a quick glimpse of the screen name that Kuroo was using, so that he would have been able to find him again later by searching the video tags. He chuckled when he saw that he was going by the name _Nekuro_.

After that, the five volleyball players left the room and got back downstairs. In the living room, they found that the other team members who were previously asleep there had woken up. "What the fuck happened?" the regular setter asked in between yawns, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Bokuto panicked over absolutely nothing and proved the worth of his lungs" the captain explained. Well, that was a way to put it, and it was of course pretty fitting as well.

Bokuto sighed, slouching a little. "Maybe I'm just too tired. Or too drunk" he commented. But his words weren't even slurred, because the shock of seeing his high school friend in a porno - and liking it too - had been enough to sober him up completely. He was still tired though, but at the same time he was feeling like he could have never slept again in his entire life.

After that, everyone said their goodbyes, and then what remained of the team left the house. Bokuto was silent while walking back to campus with some of the other boys. The sun was starting to rise, and the sky was tinted with the colors of dawn. His teammates were yawning, dragging their feet while they walked, and nobody was talking. Not even the captain, who had finally started to feel the tiredness as well. And that was saying a lot, considering that he usually was even more energetic than Bokuto on his best days.

When he reached his dorm building, Bokuto quickly waved goodbye to the others and went to his room. By the time he had washed away some of the stench of alcohol and changed into his pajamas, his roommate was already up and leaving in order to be at the campus library the moment it opened. Seriously, Bokuto couldn't really understand that guy. What the hell was wrong with him? Why did he have to study that much?

At the moment, however, he had to admit that his roommate leaving was pretty convenient. As soon as the other boy had closed the door behind himself, Bokuto felt more awake than ever. With shaky hands, he grabbed his laptop and deposited it on the bed. Then he sat down in front of it, legs crossed, heart hammering in his chest. He felt his mouth go dry, while he opened the browser and slowly typed the address of the website they were using at the libero's.

When the homepage opened on the screen, he immediately went to the search button, selecting the filter that allowed him to search the tags by porn star. He managed to swallow with difficulty, while he entered the name _Nekuro_ in the search field, before hitting the _enter_ button on his keyboard.

That's when he almost had a heart attack for real. The website followed his command and searched its content by porn star. With the exception of a couple of wrongly labelled videos, everything else that appeared had Kuroo in the preview. And there was _a lot_ of material. Quickly scrolling the result page, he could count at least fifteen solo videos, as well as half a dozen of videos with other dudes in them.

It was just curiosity, Bokuto told himself. Research purposes, just what he needed in order to make fun of his friend the next time they saw each other. If that was the truth or just the wing spiker lying to himself was unclear, but the result was ultimately the same: the boy opened the first video in the result list.

After regulating the volume, so that he could hear clearly enough but the people in the next room couldn't, he leaned back against his pillows, laptop now resting on his bent legs, and he watched.

When thinking about it, he couldn't believe what the hell he was doing. He was watching gay porn, with his friend starring in it. And he liked it. Actually, he was really enjoying himself. Was something really wrong with him?

But he couldn't stop looking. Kuroo seemed to be really loving what he was doing, how he was pleasuring himself with his own hands. And Bokuto was mesmerized by that sight. "Kuroo" he whispered, the word almost getting caught in his dry throat, as he raised a hand to touch the screen. It was insane. _He_ was insane, most likely. But Kuroo looked amazing, and Bokuto wanted to touch him.

He was probably still pretty drunk, there was no other explanation for the fact that he brought a shaky hand to his own chest, caressing himself on the way down, going past his muscled abdomen, until his hand reached inside his pajama pants. He uncovered his dick, wrapping his hand around it, grabbing it with strength. Then he started moving his hand downwards, and then upwards again. At first the movement was tentative, as if he was trying to test the sensation given by masturbating at a time like that. Soon, however, he quickened the pace, his strokes way more confident.

He matched the rhythm used by Kuroo on the screen, never taking his eyes off the boy. He was entirely taken by the marvelous sight in front of him, his dick twitching every time he heard a louder moan escape Kuroo's lips. He'd never been attracted to boys before in his entire life, and the person he was watching at the moment was one of his closest friends. He shouldn't have been enjoying that so much. He should have been disgusted, that would have been the right reaction to have. He definitely shouldn't have let his friend's name escape his lips in between moans of pleasure, while masturbating in front of the screen.

Witnessing the expression of pure bliss on Kuroo's face while he came was what did it for him. Soon, without even realizing what was happening, Bokuto stopped trying to hold back. Strings of cum were now spilling all over his pajama shirt, as the boy was trying to catch his breath - and failing.

The moment the video ended, Bokuto closed his eyes and let himself sink against his pillow. His breath was still ragged, his softening dick still in his hand. What the hell did he just do? _That_ definitely wasn't supposed to happen. It was wrong, and he was certain that Kuroo would have been disgusted by him if he'd found out how Bokuto had masturbated vigorously in front of one of his porn videos. Well, but at least Kuroo didn't need to know.

Bokuto, however, was still feeling more than a little guilty for what he'd done. And most of all he was feeling dirty, and it wasn't because of his cum soaked clothes. It was because he wasn't supposed to find one of his closest friends arousing.

In addition to that, not even once he stopped to think why the hell Kuroo had become a porn star. Was it because he liked it, or maybe he was somehow in trouble? That thought, however, came to him like a flood in the aftermath, making Bokuto feel even more disgusted by his own behavior.

"Fuck" he muttered, bringing his clean hand to cover part of his face. He knew that he’d done something completely wrong, and he was finally starting to feel ashamed of himself, as he was supposed to feel.

He spent a few minutes in that position, wallowing in his stupidity, before he found the strength to turn off his computer and get himself cleaned up. He took off the cum stained shirt, used it to swipe away every residue of cum on his body, then dropped it on the floor. At that point, he went to sleep shirtless, trying his best to get some much needed rest; it was morning, after all, and he had volleyball practice in the afternoon.

His dreams, however, were filled with memories from high school. Moments from past training camps, when he spent time practicing and playing around with Kuroo. His face was relaxed in his sleep, lips slightly curved in a smile, while he was dreaming about the best moments of their friendship.

Then, however, the dreams changed. Now Kuroo was naked in them, hand around his dick, masturbating. In his dream, Bokuto was really trying to look away, but Kuroo was masturbating on the court in the middle of a match, so how could he stop watching? Akaashi tossed the ball to him, and Bokuto jumped to spike, just when Kuroo fell on his knees, moaning louder and louder. That was enough to get him distracted; he ended up forgetting all about the ball he needed to spike, and he just collided with his body against the net, falling on the floor on his ass, eyes glued on Kuroo and mouth slightly open.

"Are you okay, Bokuto-san? You don't seem to be focused on the game" dream Akaashi asked him. How was it possible that the rest of his team _could_ stay focused? Why was he the only one seeing that Kuroo was _masturbating_ right in the middle of the match?

He tried to explain his reasons, but no sound came out of his mouth. Because now Kuroo had reached his climax, and he was having an orgasm right in the middle of the game, strings of cum making a mess on the floor. What was most shocking of all, however, was that Kuroo was crying his name while coming. "Bokuto... Bokuto..." he was saying, making his lower regions feel incredibly warm.

"Bokuto!" He was suddenly startled awake by someone yelling his name. When he opened his eyes, he saw his roommate hovering over him, looking pretty confused. He sighed when he realized who was actually calling his name.

"What the hell were you dreaming, man? You looked like a dog in heat!" the other boy said, making Bokuto start to panic. But he didn't want his roommate to see that, of course, so he did everything in his power to maintain a neutral expression on his face. He didn't reply, however, because he would have never been able to keep his voice steady even if he tried.

"Whatever, I'm going out for lunch, see you later" the other boy said after realizing that Bokuto was probably not going to talk. Then he walked out of the door, leaving Bokuto alone once again.

The moment the door closed behind his roommate, Bokuto let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. Then he raised the covers to take a quick look at what was under them. His pajama pants were tented by his morning erection, and they were also cum stained. He let go of the covers and sighed. He had a wet dream, like a kid who just discovered what his own dick was good for. And said wet dream was about _Kuroo_ , of all people. How could he ever look his friend in the eye after something like that? How could he ever stand in the presence of any of their mutual friends, either?

"Fuck!" he yelled. He was completely screwed.

He was trying to take his mind off of what happened, when his phone beeped loudly, signaling the arrival of a text message. From Kuroo. Yes, the universe was definitely trying to screw with him.


	3. Get out of my head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank everyone who has read the story so far, and I hope you'll appreciate how it continues.  
> Also, today is Bokuto's birthday, but I'm pretty sure that this chapter is not the kind of present he would have wanted, so... sorry Bo, I love you anyway!

Waking up to a text message from Kuroo, after the dream he'd had, wasn't one of Bokuto's finest moments. He stared at his phone in silence, his breathing heavy, trying to find the courage to open the text message and see what Kuroo had sent him. He had an irrational fear that Kuroo had somehow found out what he'd done and that he was writing to reprimand Bokuto for masturbating in front of his porn. But it was a stupid fear indeed, because there was no way that Kuroo could have ever found out about what happened.

Why was he so afraid to read that text, then? He took a few deep breaths, trying to muster the courage, then he finally opened the message and read.

From: Kuroo  
**Brooooo! The college championship tournament first round matchups are out. Guess who matched? :D**

Bokuto froze. His team had been preparing for months for the beginning of the tournament, but after the party the night before he'd completely forgotten about it. And for a good reason, since he had something else entirely worrying his mind at the moment. But reading that text he realized that he should have indeed paid more attention.

The matchups for the first round were up, then. And if Kuroo was writing to him about it, then it could only mean that...

No. No way. Was he really going to play against Kuroo's team? Fuck!

His teammates couldn't see him with Kuroo. They would have found out why he screamed like a crazy person when the boy appeared on the screen in that porn video. He didn't want his team to think that he was close friends with a gay porn star.

He didn't think it was embarrassing because Kuroo was a _gay_ porn star specifically. It was because it would have roused questions, and he wasn't sure if he was actually able to answer them. What if they asked him his opinion about his friend's job? What if he slipped up and said something he shouldn't have? No way, he couldn't risk that.

His first thought was to fake a fever and skip the game. That, however, would have never helped him. In fact, the rest of his team would have still been there, they would have still recognized Kuroo, and they would have suspected Bokuto even more if he wasn't there, as if he was clearly trying to hide something. He couldn't allow that to happen, if he wanted to have a good relationship with his team.

What else could he do, then? Maybe, thinking about it, the best option was to make sure that nobody saw Kuroo at all. The best possible thing he could do was to prevent Kuroo from taking part in that game. Because of course he had to be on the volleyball team, and of _fucking_ course they had to play their first match against each other! If they'd encountered each other further along in the tournament, maybe his teammates would have had enough time to forget all about him. But this close to the porn accident? No chance in hell that they wouldn't recognize him right away! And it was all Bokuto's fault, of course, for yelling like a man possessed.

He sighed, while he decided how to reply to that message. He typed a few words, then he changed his mind and erased them. He did it a few more times, and only a couple of minutes later he was able to send a complete text.

To: Kuroo  
**Broooooo! R u serious? Gonna check immediately!**

He tried his best to seem happy about it, even though he clearly wasn't. He needed to find a solution soon, if he didn't want to get into more trouble than he already was. He needed to put a plan together, something that would have prevented Kuroo from attending the game at all. And he didn't have much time either, because the college tournament was going to start in two weeks, and apparently he was going up against Kuroo's team in the first round.

With that thought in mind, Bokuto jumped out of bed and hit the shower, rinsing his skin and cleaning the cum away. Then he took his disgustingly dirty pajamas, along with a few other pieces of clothing, and went to the laundry room to wash them. He was wearing a Fukurodani t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants that he'd thrown on right after getting out of the shower. His hair was still wet, falling messily on his face. He needed to dry it, and quickly, because it was very uncomfortable when it wasn't gelled up.

After leaving his laundry, he walked back towards his room. That was when he met another one of his teammates, a first year reserve opposite spiker. He lived in his dorm building, just down the hall from him. The boy looked to be in better conditions than Bokuto, since he probably hadn't drank as much as him at the party, as well as probably having a better night of sleep.

"Bokuto-kun, the matchups for the championship tournament are up! Go get your stuff and let's go to the gym!" the other boy cheerfully offered.

Bokuto groaned a little, definitely still tired but blessedly not hangover; probably because of the shock he woke up to? "Fine, give me five minutes..." he mumbled, then he went back to his room and combed his hair so that it wouldn't get in his way. He also changed his t-shirt, not sure that going to practice with his former high school pieces of clothing was a good idea. When he was ready, he walked towards the male volleyball gym with his teammate.

When they arrived, most of their teammates were already there. The captain was definitely hangover, leaning against a wall and looking like a zombie. The libero was wearing sunglasses to cover the bags under his eyes, and some of the other team members weren't in any better conditions. All things considered, Bokuto wasn't even one of those in the worst shape, actually. He could consider himself lucky for that.

When everyone had assembled, the coach started a meeting by scolding the entire team for getting drunk the night before practice, when they were so close to the beginning of an important tournament. After all, their college had one of the best volleyball teams in the country, and they couldn't allow their image to get destroyed by the team members doing something stupid instead of training, and then not playing at the best of their potential during the actual tournament matches.

Bokuto kept his eyes glued to the floor the entire time the coach talked, loud and clear, to the team. The man somehow reminded him of the coach he had at Fukurodani, who by the way was maybe a little more lenient than the new one. But in college the stakes were higher, he guessed, so the pressure was heavier as well.

After the scolding was over, the coach showed the team a prospect of the matchups for the first round of the tournament. He pointed towards the name of their school, and then towards the name of their first opponent. Which was, indeed, the college that Kuroo attended.

Bokuto sighed. They went to school on opposite sides of the country, yet they still had to meet like that. At a stupid tournament, where fate decided to match their schools because Lady Luck hated him.

The entire tournament was held in Tokyo, which was a good thing because Bokuto could have the opportunity to go back home for the weekend every time he had a match, as long as they didn't get eliminated. They were going to play a round every few weeks, and since his family still lived in Tokyo, he could spend some time with them. In addition to that, Akaashi could come to watch his matches, if he wasn't busy with practice. After all, the play-offs to qualify for nationals were going to start soon, so his best friend was probably pretty busy himself.

The fact that Akaashi was probably going to be in the audience during his match against Kuroo, however, was scaring him even more. What if his best friend said something to his team, and they figured out that he knew Kuroo even though he was managing to keep his distance? That was another reason to convince himself that the best possible course of action for him was to prevent the former captain of Nekoma from taking part in their match.

For the rest of the afternoon, Bokuto kept practicing with thoughts of Kuroo in mind. Especially the dream he'd had about him. At some point during practice, the setter tossed to him, he jumped to spike, but when he was at the top of his jump he remembered what happened when he tried to spike the ball in his dream, and he obviously got distracted. He found himself falling with his ass on the floor, the ball bouncing on top of his head before landing on his side of the net.

Most of his teammates burst out laughing, they probably were thinking that he'd slipped or something, and therefore they found the accident to be incredibly funny. Bokuto, however, was worrying about something else entirely. He tried to clear his head, but he failed. "Bokuto, concentrate! Or you'll start the tournament on the bench!" the coach yelled, and luckily that was enough for him to regain his composure. He took a deep breath, then he was ready to resume playing. The rest of the practice went way better than that, with no more weird accidents.

The problem came back in the evening, when he was sitting at his desk trying to study, and failing miserably at it. How could he concentrate on something as futile as homework? He read the same paragraph for the fifth time without having a clue of what it said, before he decided to give up. He closed his book and looked around. His roommate still wasn't back. Studying at the library, most likely. Sometimes Bokuto wished he had that boy's dedication to study. At the same time, however, he was pretty sure that between the two of them he was the one with the better social life, and after all he preferred that to having the better academic results. He just needed to score high enough on his exams not to lose his volleyball scholarship, he didn't need to be the best in his class or stuff like that.

Since he was alone, and he was most likely going to remain alone for a while longer, he decided to take out his laptop again and to open a certain website. A website he didn't want to ever see again, but from which apparently he couldn't manage to stay away. Without even thinking about what he was doing, he once again put _Nekuro_ in the search box, and a moment later a page full of video previews appeared. He clicked on the second one, since he had already masturbated to the first one, and started watching.

In that other video, Kuroo was in the shower, touching his body while water was running down his skin. He looked so sexy that Bokuto felt the immediate need to touch him as well. But he couldn't, so he resorted to touching himself instead. It felt nice, but it sure wasn't the same thing. His own body was thicker than Kuroo's, more powerful but way less sensual.

For a moment, he let his mind wander to the past, to the hours spent practicing together at training camp during the evening. He remembered taking showers side by side, just the two of them because at times not even Akaashi could manage to keep up with practice for as long as they did. During those moments, he'd never even thought about looking in Kuroo's direction, even though he was naked just a few feet away. He'd never thought he'd find the sight to be interesting, so he never indulged. He just kept talking about volleyball, because that was the only thing he really cared about. But right then, watching that video, he found himself wishing that he could go back to one of those moments, just to reach out with an arm and touch Kuroo's naked, wet body.

Those thoughts were making him crazy. Bokuto slapped his own face and started pulling his hair with both hands, trying to stop having unholy fantasies about one of his best friends. And it sure would have been easier if he'd just turned off the computer, instead of having a video of said friend now masturbating in the shower occupying the entirety of his screen.

He wanted to think about something else, he really did, but the images in front of his eyes were such a huge distraction that he couldn't really manage to concentrate on anything else. "Oh well, just one last time" he whispered, finally giving up to his own sinful desire. And with that, he put his right hand inside his pants and started stroking his dick. He wasn't proud of what he was doing, but he couldn't stop either. He told himself that he was only going to do it that one last time, and then never again. Was he going to be able to stop, though?

From there, the days passed, and finally the beginning of the tournament came along. During the entire time that separated him from his first match, he actually managed not to open that porn website again. Not even once he got aroused while thinking of Kuroo, because he did everything in his power not to think about his friend at all. He was able to concentrate at his best on volleyball practice, he even managed to study a little. The coach admired his ability and his power, confirming that on the first day of the tournament he was definitely going to be part of the starting lineup. Not something that usually happened to first year students, but he was just that good. He was excited, he couldn't wait to start playing.

The first match was on a Sunday. On Saturday, the team left early in the morning on a pretty nice bus, with the name of their college written on the right side. The drive to Tokyo took the entire morning, but they still had the afternoon to practice for the following day. In the evening, Bokuto went home to sleep, eating as much as possible of his mother's cuisine, which he had definitely missed in the past few months that he'd been away.

After dinner, he called Akaashi to make sure that his best friend was indeed coming to watch his match in the morning. "Of course, Bokuto-san. And most of the current Fukurodani team is coming with me" Akaashi confirmed, getting his former captain even more excited. "I also spoke with Kozume-kun the other day, and he said that most of the current Nekoma team is coming too. After all, you're playing against Kuroo-san" the setter added, and Bokuto completely froze at that.

He'd forgotten all about it! He was so taken by his training, by trying not to think about Kuroo, that he actually _forgot_ he was part of the opposing team. The match was in little more than twelve hours, and he had no idea of how he could prevent Kuroo from taking part in it.

That was definitely going to be a problem.


	4. Together again

The moment he hung up the phone with Akaashi, Bokuto immediately started to panic. What the hell was he supposed to do at that point? How could he prevent his teammates from seeing Kuroo, when he was most likely going to play the entire game? He was one hell of a middle blocker, after all, his coach would have been a moron to keep him on the bench, even though he was still in his first year.

That, however, was indeed a problem. Because Fukurodani and Nekoma were going to be there, and Kuroo was most likely going to try to interact with him like they did in high school, when they teased each other the entire time they spent playing on opposite sides of the net. How could he make sure that the rest of his team didn’t make the connection? How could he make sure that nobody recognized Kuroo, and that they didn't think he knew some porn star?

He was incredibly worried about that, so worried that he barely slept that night. The following morning he looked like hell crapped on. He showered, ate breakfast with his family and then took the subway towards the stadium where the tournament was going to take place. He was going to meet there with the rest of his team, where they were going to practice a little before the beginning of their match.

"This is your first real college match. Are you nervous?" the libero asked Bokuto in the middle of spike practice. Thinking about it, Bokuto was the only first year who was going to play from the beginning of the match. There was also another first year player who was really good, the middle blocker who was with him the night of the porn, but the coach had said that the boy was going to play starting from the second set. In the first set, Bokuto was going to be the only first year student. He wasn't nervous though. Okay, no, he was nervous as shit, but not because of the game; he was a formidable spiker, he could have won the game at any time. He was nervous because he was afraid of what conclusions his teammates might have reached after seeing him with Kuroo.

He shrugged in reply to his teammate's question, but before he could really articulate some words, he heard someone call his name. At the moment, the team was in a smaller gym located next to the bigger stadium, and the bleachers for the audience weren't very spacious. They were also empty, the last time he checked. But when he heard a very familiar voice call his name, he raised his head and saw a whole group of people standing there. Akaashi was waving at him, a polite smile on his face. Beside him were Onaga, a bunch of second and third year players who never made the team while he was still playing, and a few people he'd never seen before, who he imagined were the new first-years. Along with them were Kenma, Lev and a few other Nekoma players. They were all wearing tracksuits bearing the names of their schools.

Even though seeing Nekoma players there worried him a little, Bokuto still gave the high school boys a huge smile. "Hey hey hey guys! Thank you for coming to cheer for me!" he yelled, flailing both arms in their direction in order to wave at them.

"Not going to cheer for you, Bokuto!" Yamamoto yelled in reply, making him laugh. Yes, of course, Nekoma was there to cheer for Kuroo, not for him, but whatever. They were still there, and he was glad to see all of them. It had been months, after all. Since nationals the previous year, to be more accurate.

He still had chills running down his spine, however, at the thought of how he was going to deal with Kuroo. The match was going to start in one hour, meaning that they were supposed to meet soon.

And that time passed more quickly than he wanted it to. Before he even had the time to realize what was happening, another thirty minutes had passed, and now they were supposed to get to the main stadium in order to start the official warmups. When Bokuto looked up towards the bleachers, his friends were already gone; they'd probably gone to get good seats to watch the game, or maybe they went to look for Kuroo in order to greet him too.

Reaching the court in the main stadium, Bokuto felt better immediately. There were a lot of people there, meaning that he could really show off. The more people were admiring his ability, the more people were cheering for him, the more hyped he got, and the better player he could become. He thrived on praise, after all.

He was taking a deep breath, taking the atmosphere in, when someone called his name. This time it wasn't from the bleachers though, but from the other side of the court. The other team was already there, practicing receives, and Kuroo was the one who called him. Bokuto froze at that, starting to sweat. He didn't want to look even more suspicious though, so he couldn't ignore the friend who called him. He was happy to see an old friend and rival, after all, and even happier to be able to play against him. How long had it been since someone had been able to read his spikes as well as Kuroo did? Too damn long!

In other words, ignoring the porn subject, he was really happy to see Kuroo again. Therefore, when his friend called him, Bokuto turned towards him and smiled. "Kuroooo!" he yelled, and he ran towards the other boy. They gave each other a quick friendly hug by the net, then they started chatting. Sure, they texted pretty often, and sometimes they even talked on the phone, but it had been months since the last time they met face to face, and it was good to be able to catch up a little, even though it was just for a few minutes.

"Bokuto, don't slack off! Stop fraternizing with the opponents!" the captain scolded him, starting to walk in his direction. Well, now that the captain was getting closer, Bokuto was beginning to feel even more nervous. How was he supposed to prevent the captain from recognizing Kuroo, if they met face to face at such a close distance?

"I'm not slacking off, captain. Just saying hello to a friend" he said. His voice maybe sounded a little less confident than usual, but at least it wasn't shaky, which was something. He didn't want to raise the captain's suspicion.

When the captain got closer, however, he started inspecting Kuroo with surgical attention. He even leaned towards him, staring at his face from different angles. Bokuto got goosebumps, while Kuroo looked at him with a puzzled expression, not understanding what was happening.

"Have we met somewhere? You look familiar" the captain asked Kuroo. Bokuto let go of a breath he didn't even realize he was holding. Didn't he remember when and where he had seen Kuroo's face? Well, that was definitely a blessing. He had probably been so drunk that he didn't actually focus his mind on the face of the guy in the porn they watched. Bokuto couldn't imagine things going that well, to be honest.

"No, we definitely never met before" Kuroo replied to the captain's words, uncertain, looking for Bokuto's eyes and silently asking him what the hell was wrong with his team captain. Bokuto tried to act like he had no idea, shrugging.

They remained in that awkward situation until they were all called back to practice by their respective coaches. "I have to go before I get yelled at. Can't wait to stuff your spikes though, just like old times" Kuroo said, smiling at Bokuto before turning the other way to run back to his team.

"You'll never stop me, Kuroo. I'm just too good!" Bokuto replied, and for a moment everything felt like they were back in high school, Fukurodani and Nekoma playing sets against each other at training camp. With that thought in mind, he was happy when he went back to practicing before the beginning of the match.

Their starting lineup had Bokuto in the front, one rotation away from service. The first team to serve was going to be opposing one, who had an incredibly tall middle blocker in the front line. With the libero in the back, Kuroo was starting the game outside of the court. Just two more rotations and he would have gotten to the front, though. It was a pity, that they were basically on opposite rotations. It meant that they couldn't play as they always did in high school, their rivalry pushing them to do better in order to defeat the other.

On second thought, though, being on opposite rotations was the best thing that could have ever happened to him. Taken by the thrill of the game, in fact, Bokuto wasn't taking something into consideration. He was in a match. Where he was supposed to spike. And Kuroo was on the other side of the net. Just like he was in that dream he had after he first watched his porn. _Fuck_.

Two rotations after the beginning of the match, they were leading by one point. Bokuto was in the back, while Kuroo was in the front. They locked eyes from across the court and they both smirked. Bokuto really wanted to be caught in his old rivalry with Kuroo once again, in order to get his game rhythm going, and at some point he really thought he did it. That was until the setter tossed to him for a back attack.

He ran, he jumped, he raised his arm preparing to spike. Then Kuroo read the toss and jumped, ready to block him, and Bokuto froze in midair. Because he blinked for a moment, and Kuroo was naked in front of his eyes, just like the dream he had. The shock made him swing his arm missing the ball, that fell to the ground while he landed once again. Well, that was embarrassing. He blushed, raising his eyes to look at Kuroo. His friend was obviously fully clothed, he knew that, yet in his head he still saw him naked. That definitely wasn't good.

"Bokuto, what the hell are you doing? Concentrate on the ball, damn it!" he could hear the coach yell from the sidelines. Even Kuroo smirked in his direction, making fun of him. "What happened, Bo? Couldn't perform?" the middle blocker teased him.

He had to admit that he was really embarrassed. How could he keep playing like that? How could he face Kuroo on the court, if he was getting distracted by the dream he had about naked Kuroo? It was entirely his fault, though, for watching porn starring his friend. He should have known better. He should have stopped earlier than he did. He should have washed his eyes with bleach the first time Kuroo appeared on the screen at the libero's house, and never gone looking for that website again.

Instead, he'd been an idiot and he was suffering the consequences. He was one of the best spikers in Japan, yet he just missed a pretty easy shot. He didn't even spike the ball into the net; he swung his arm in the air and missed the ball altogether.

He replied to Kuroo's mocking with a smirk, trying to look cool, when all he wanted to do was to die on the spot. "That was just a tactic, you know? Because you need our help to score a point" he tried to appear calm and confident, even though he clearly wasn't. In fact, his friend laughed from the other side of the net.

"Yes, sure. Next time though, try hitting the ball. It still won’t make it through, but at least you’ll look less like an idiot" Kuroo commented, still laughing. Bokuto flipped his middle finger at his friend, but he was definitely blushing when he walked back to his position on the court, ready to receive the opponents' serve.

Most of the game continued the same way. He did a few good plays, actually, but he never shone like only Bokuto Koutarou could do on the court. He played like a good spiker, not a great one. Not even the cheering of his former teammates from Fukurodani was enough to fire him up the right way. And then, sometimes, he looked to the other side of the net and he kept seeing Kuroo naked there, even though he knew he was just imagining it. How could he stop doing that, though?

He didn't miss the ball again, but he spiked into the net once, and out of bounds another couple of times. Those were not performances that a player of his level should have offered to his audience. He was already imagining what the coach was going to say to him after the game. He was lucky if he wasn't going to be forced to make his way back to college on foot; if he were the coach, he wouldn't have allowed such a pathetic excuse for a spiker to ride the bus with the rest of the team.

His performance altogether was mediocre, not Bokuto-level at all. But at the same time he was proud of himself for not slipping and saying something compromising. They even ended up winning the game, even though just barely. On a normal day, that would have been a way easier win for one of the best college volleyball teams in the country. Sure, their opponent wasn't bad either, but they should have won straight sets against them, when they actually lost the first one instead.

But they won anyway, meaning that they were advancing to the next round of the tournament, that was taking place in two weeks. Their opponents, on the other end, were eliminated from the tournament. It was pretty sad to think about, actually, because Bokuto would have loved to play against Kuroo again, possibly under better circumstances; but he couldn't have everything, he guessed. At least they'd won the game, then.

After the end of the match, the members of the two teams shook hands. That brought them all pretty close, allowing Bokuto's teammates to take another good look at Kuroo. After playing three sets, the middle blocker was visibly tired, covered in sweat, his hair even more of a mess than it usually was. Once all hands were shaken, the captain once again took a little more time than he should have in order to study Kuroo’s features. "Are you certain that we never met before? Because I'm pretty sure I've seen your face somewhere" the older boy stated, a hand holding his chin while he thought intensely about where he might have seen Kuroo before.

Beside his friend, Bokuto was getting even more worried now. He was really hoping that the captain wasn't going to recognize him, because he was certain that he couldn't endure the embarrassment if the other found out he knew that porn star from the video they'd watched. The libero, however, took a few steps closer, joining the small group, looking at Kuroo as well. He seemed to be studying him too, with even more attention than the captain, but looking way less confused. Did he actually recognize him?

"Hey, what's up?" the libero asked his teammates. Then he met eyes with Kuroo. "Hey, I've seen you before" he stated. Bokuto swallowed with difficulty. Oh no, that wasn't good. At all.

"I'm sorry, but I’m pretty sure we never met" Kuroo informed them, turning to look at Bokuto in silent search for an explanation. Bokuto, however, didn't know what to do anymore at that point; he was just sweating on the spot and silently praying for mercy. Were they going to say it? Had they actually recognized him?

"You have the feeling that you've seen him too? I have that same feeling but I can't remember where" the captain commented towards the libero, who smiled towards his teammate. "Oh, come on! He's the one from that night when Bokuto..." the libero started to say, and before he could even finish, everything seemed to come back to the captain's mind. "Yes! Yes, it's him! The one in the..."

And that was it. Panicking, Bokuto jumped forward and slapped both hands on his teammates' mouths to stop them from talking anymore. He was panting heavily, legs shaking a little, when his eyes full of fear tried to stare down his senpais. The two looked a little surprised, trying to take his hands away from their mouths, but he pressed even harder against them. And in the meantime he slowly turned in Kuroo's direction, trying to take a look at his friend's face.

From what he could see, Kuroo seemed to be pretty confused at first. Then, however, he saw his friend's eyes widen, his cheeks flush, and soon Kuroo was basically paralyzed on the spot, his face as red as his old Nekoma jersey. He had his mouth slightly open, as if he was trying to say something but he somehow couldn't manage to make any sound come out.

"B-Bokuto. Y-You saw..." he stuttered, starting to ask a question that died on his lips. Bokuto's guilty look, after all, was probably answer enough.

"Oh fuck!" Kuroo cursed, before he turned around and ran out of the gym.

Bokuto didn't even think about what he was doing. He let go of his teammates' mouths and moved a first step to run after him, but he was stopped by the captain, who grabbed him by the back of his shirt. "Bokuto, what the hell? You know the porn star?" the older boy asked.

Bokuto sighed, eyes fixed on where he'd seen Kuroo run off, now feeling more nervous than ever. "He's one of my best friends from high school, okay? That's why I panicked when I saw him in that video. I didn't know he was doing that kind of stuff! And judging by his reaction right now, I think he didn't want me to know. Now let me go talk to him, please!" he replied, raising his voice without even noticing that he was doing it. After he finished talking, he pulled himself free and, without sparing a single glance at his teammates, he ran after Kuroo.

He didn't know exactly where the other had gone, but he needed to find him. They needed to talk, he needed to reassure his friend that everything was okay, that he was never going to say anything. He wanted to kiss every worry away from Kuroo. Okay no, scratch that. No kissing. But the rest was still true, though.

He just needed to look for his friend, before there was no more friendship to salvage between them. The only problem was that he had no idea of where the hell he went. Running around the stadium, yelling his friend's name, Bokuto just hoped that it wasn't too late for them to recover from what just happened.


	5. Don't hate me

Bokuto was really starting to panic. Where the hell had Kuroo gone? His heart was hammering in his chest, while he ran around the stadium looking for Kuroo. He called his friend's name, but there was no answer of course. The thought of one of his closest friends hiding from him was hurting him, but he needed to push through. He needed to clarify the situation, to make things right.

Obviously, Kuroo didn't want his friends to know that he was doing gay porn. He was probably ashamed of that activity. Then why was he doing it, if he was afraid of his friends finding out? Bokuto felt guilty, because after all it was all his fault. If he hadn't yelled, his teammates would have never concentrated their attentions on him long enough to be able to recognize him.

Bokuto had now been running around for more than fifteen minutes, when he recognized a familiar bedhead popping out from behind a wall. It was just a few locks, but he could have recognized that hair everywhere. He slowed his run down to a walk, approaching his friend, who was sitting on the ground with his back to the wall, probably not realizing that his hair was sticking out enough to give away his position.

"Kuroo..." Bokuto whispered, kneeling down beside him. Hearing his voice, Kuroo immediately turned in his direction and, seeing how close Bokuto was, shied away from him, putting a couple more feet of distance between them.

"Please Kuroo, talk to me" Bokuto tried again, a hint of desperation in his voice. He wanted his friend to understand that it was okay, that Bokuto didn't think any less of him for doing gay porn. He even outstretched an arm, trying to reach for Kuroo's shoulder with his hand, but his friend shrugged his comforting touch away.

"You weren't supposed to see that. No one was supposed to see that" Kuroo stated, his voice almost broken. He was probably trying not to cry. Bokuto couldn't blame him for the way he was feeling; he was actually blaming himself for making his friend feel that bad.

"Well, there's a bunch of stuff on that website" Bokuto chuckled, trying to make his friend understand that he could have laughed about it if he wanted to. Kuroo clearly didn't want to, though. He just hid his face in his hands, growling.

"That's not me, Bo. I just... I needed the money" Kuroo explained, his face still hidden. Bokuto nodded in understanding, even though his friend clearly couldn't see that. Then he moved to sit next to Kuroo, making sure to position himself as close as possible to his friend. From that new position, their shoulders and thighs there touching.

"It's okay Kuroo. You don't have to hide from me" he tried to make the other feel a little better. He failed.

Kuroo let his hands fall in his lap, raising his head to look at Bokuto. His face was red, his eyes swollen. He'd clearly been crying. "And your team? Did you watch them with your team? Your _captain_?" There was desperation in Kuroo's voice, almost as if he was hoping for Bokuto to deny everything. And for a moment the former Fukurodani captain really thought about indulging him, giving him what he wanted. What if he just told Kuroo that there was nothing to worry about, because nobody had seen any videos? He would have been lying though, and the other would have known immediately.

"We were at a party, drunk as hell. We decided to watch a few videos, just to laugh at porn stars, you know. And then... fuck, we didn't do it on purpose. The moment I saw it was you I freaked. Maybe my weird reaction is the reason why the others remembered you so clearly, I'm so sorry! It was just five of us, by the way. Me, the captain, our libero and two others. The rest of the team doesn't know anything" was Bokuto's turn to explain, his voice sounding sad. He was definitely unhappy because he knew that giving that explanation was going to hurt his friend. But probably lying would have been even worse. At least with the truth he figured that Kuroo could have something real to come back from.

He chanced a look in Kuroo's direction, and he found his friend staring at the floor. "Those weren't my finest moments, you know. But college is expensive, and I have so many classes that I don't have time for a real job, especially with volleyball practice every day. This takes a couple of hours a week and pays very well" Kuroo slowly explained, sighing.

Bokuto silently nodded, but when it was his turn to speak, he realized that he had no idea of what to say. He would have liked to say something smart, intelligent, that was going to make Kuroo feel better immediately. But he had no such remark.

"You don't have to worry about me knowing about it, you know. I don't care if you jerk off in front of a camera for money. You're still my _bestest bro_ " he finally managed to say, giving his friend a huge grin. His words were able to make Kuroo hint a smile, even though it was barely there.

"Thanks, bro. But please don't tell anyone. I really don't want anyone else to know what I do for money. Most people don’t understand" Kuroo requested.

"Sure, bro" Bokuto replied, and a moment later he offered Kuroo his hand to shake in order to consolidate his promise. The moment Kuroo's hand clasped his own, however, Bokuto felt a sensation he really didn't want to experience. The feeling of Kuroo's hand against his own reminded him of that same hand touching _something else_ , and before he could even realize what he was doing, he ended up staring at Kuroo with his mouth slightly open, looking completely awed.

"You okay, bro?" Kuroo tried to ask him, his voice still a little uncertain. That was enough to make him come back to the present.

"Sorry, I just got a little lost" Bokuto replied, shaking his head and retreating his hand. He even diverted his gaze, so that Kuroo wouldn't see how embarrassed he was at the moment.

His reaction, however, was enough to rouse Kuroo's suspicion. "This happened during the game too, you had that stupid expression on your face, like your head was somewhere else, right before you missed a spike" Kuroo noted. On a normal occasion, he would have had a shit-eating grin on his face while pronouncing those words. In that moment, however, he still seemed to be pretty insecure. Definitely not the Kuroo that Bokuto was used to seeing. Bokuto, however, didn’t know how to retort to those words, so he remained in silence.

"Tell me the truth, Bo. Now that you've seen me _like that_ , can you look me in the eye and just see me for _me_ , like you did before?" the middle blocker asked.

Well, that was indeed a difficult question. It wasn't just because of the phrasing, even though Bokuto had to repeat those words in his head a few times before he really understood what his friend had meant to say. The real problem was with the answer he needed to give, because the truth was that Kuroo had a good point. After seeing him like that, naked, with his face contracted from the pleasure, he couldn't _unsee_ what he'd seen. He wasn't sure if he could go back to normal, if he could just laugh and joke around with Kuroo as normal friends did. They'd always had some kind of connection, the two of them, since the first time they met in their first year of high school. They were so similar, after all, therefore it was only natural for a good friendship to grow between them. But now? Now things were different, and Bokuto wasn't sure he was ever going to be able to look at Kuroo the same way again. And it wasn't because he thought that doing gay porn was demeaning, not at all. It was because those videos he'd watched had awoken new feelings he'd never had before, an attraction towards Kuroo that his friend would have most likely found inappropriate.

Sure, he wanted to reassure his friend that he wasn't going to lose Bokuto's friendship, because that was of course true. But nothing was the same as before anymore, and Bokuto couldn't deny that either. Because now he _knew_ what kind of sounds Kuroo made while pleasuring himself, and he needed to hear more of them. He would have never wished for something like that before.

But of course he couldn't say that to Kuroo either. What would his friend have thought of him then? Kuroo was obviously ashamed of doing gay porn, so there was no way he was ever going to believe Bokuto. And even if he did, that was definitely going to ruin their friendship forever anyway.

"Look, you're still my friend, no matter what you do. If you need anything, I'm here for you. You don't have to hide from me!" Bokuto finally ended up saying, leaning in Kuroo's direction in order to try to catch his gaze.

They locked eyes for a few seconds, and Kuroo smiled. He seemed to be pretty moved by Bokuto's words, even though he was probably trying not to let it show too much. Bokuto smiled at him as well, trying to give him his best encouraging grin. Then he wrapped an arm around Kuroo's shoulders, pulling his friend towards him. "See? Everything is fine, bro!" he said with an overexcited voice, trying to convey how confident he was feeling. Most of it was fake anyway, though.

Tentatively, Kuroo went to rest his head on Bokuto's shoulder, doing his best to keep his face hidden. "I never thought you'd be my knight in sweaty volleyball gear" Kuroo stated with a fake-dreamy voice. Only then the two of them realized that they were still wearing their dirty clothes that stank of dried sweat, and that maybe they needed to take a shower after the match. Therefore, they maintained that position for a minute or so, before they agreed that it was time to go shower.

They walked together towards the locker rooms, but they went their separate ways from there, each of them joining their own team. When Bokuto joined the rest of his teammates, they were all done with showering, and almost all of them were already fully clothed. He, on the other hand, had dried sweat all over his body.

"Hey Bokuto, did you find your friend?" the libero asked. He didn't seem like he was going to make fun of Bokuto, or of the situation he was in. That was a good thing, because that was exactly what Bokuto had been worried about. He was afraid he might have punched his senpais, if one of them tried to make stupid comments about Kuroo.

"Yes, he was pretty upset" he admitted, shaking his head. "Can we make a promise never to talk about it again? I would really like to forget all about what happened" he asked.

Both the libero and the captain took a moment to think about it, then they looked at each other as if communicating telepathically, before they both nodded. "I'll tell the others as well, promise" the captain stated, and Bokuto was really grateful for that.

After that short conversation, he went on to shower. He took his time, even though the rest of the team was yelling at him to hurry up because he was the last one. He ignored them though, and he spent almost twenty minutes under the jet of the water. The first five were actually necessary to wash himself, the rest were only because he didn't really want to get out of there. He needed to think, and he wasn't sure he was going to be able to do it with the rest of his team staring at him. Sure, only four other people knew about Kuroo, but everyone had noticed that there was something wrong with him, and he really didn't want to have to explain anything.

"Just go on without me!" he yelled after the third time one of his teammates appeared through the door of the shower area, telling him that the coach was willing to leave him behind if he didn't hurry.

When he actually got out of the shower, he only found a note from his team, saying that they were waiting for him at the bus. Shit, they were leaving already. He didn't want to leave just yet, he wanted to spend a little more time with Akaashi and the rest of Fukurodani. He wanted to make sure that Kuroo was really okay. He didn't want to go back just yet.

For a moment he was really conflicted, and while he dried himself in order to get dressed, he kept thinking about what he was supposed to do at that point. Then he made a decision that he probably should have avoided. He took out his cellphone and called the coach, asking him if they could just leave without him. He said that he needed to spend another day in Tokyo, that he was going to get back the following day, and therefore he was going to miss one day of practice with the team, even though he promised that he was going to be practicing nonetheless.

The coach, of course, was fuming mad. He'd probably been waiting for the moment everyone was on the bus back to college in order to reprimand Bokuto for his crappy plays during the game. That only meant that Bokuto had more than one scolding coming for him on Tuesday; but he could live with that.

The coach, even though he was furious, finally ended up allowing Bokuto to do whatever he wanted, as long as he was back to campus in time to be at practice on Tuesday morning at 8. He agreed, thanked the coach, who growled in the receiver in reply, then they hung up the phone.

Reinvigorated, Bokuto skipped out of the locker room, looking for Akaashi. When he found his best friend, he was outside the stadium, where people were coming and going in order to watch all of the matches of the day. The current captain of Fukurodani was still with the rest of his team, as well as Nekoma players. Getting closer to them, he could hear part of their conversation.

"Are you sure he didn't get back to school with the rest of his team?" Akaashi was asking, and Kenma beside him was shaking his head.

"No, his father said that he was supposed to spend the night at home. Plus I've seen the rest of his team leave, and he wasn't with them" Nekoma's setter replied. The boy was looking around, a worried expression on his face. It was rare to see Kenma without a cellphone or a videogame in his hands, when he wasn't playing volleyball. Did it mean that the situation was serious? Who couldn't they find?

Then, of course, Bokuto realized what might have been happening. Were they looking for Kuroo? Getting worried, he approached the high school students, smiling at them to make them think that he was fine. "Hey hey hey! Did you see how amazing I was in the game?" he yelled, both arms in the air. _Amazing_ wasn't exactly the word anyone would have used to describe how he'd looked on the court, though. _Stupid_ would have been a more fitting word in that situation. But he had to show his usual confidence in front of his friends, if he didn't want them to think that he was hiding something.

Akaashi, however, could read him like a book; as always, of course. Fukurodani's captain raised an eyebrow in his direction, perplexed. "Amazing, you say? Were you not feeling well today, Bokuto-san?" the setter asked.

Bokuto looked a little embarrassed, but he tried to smile anyway. "No, I was just... well, we won anyway, that's what matters. So, what are we doing now? I have a day to spend with you guys, I'm going back to college tomorrow" he blurted out.

"We're actually looking for Kuroo-san. Can you help?" Akaashi asked, and Bokuto nodded, hitting his own chest with a fist.

“Leave it to me!” he yelled. After that, he ran back inside the stadium, looking for Kuroo.


	6. I missed you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess that from here we're entering a little more inside the story. I really hope you won't be disappointed with the result.  
> Thank you everyone for the awesome feedback you're giving me.

Since they had already met before going their separate ways to take showers, he knew where Kuroo might have been at the moment. He was probably still in the locker rooms, after finishing his shower. Therefore, that was exactly where Bokuto ran to look for him. He'd seen his friend access one of the locker rooms while he was entering the one used by his team, meaning that he knew exactly in which one his friend might have been. When he got there he didn't knock on the closed door, he just entered.

"Kuroo? Are you still here?" he called softly, not wanting to startle his friend, who probably thought he was alone. No reply came back to him, though, but his eyes fell on a dirty uniform thrown to the floor, and clean clothes perfectly folded on a bench. He furrowed his brows. Was it possible that Kuroo was still showering? It had been more than half an hour!

He slowly walked towards the showers, and he indeed heard that one was still running. He was about to enter the shower room, but he stopped, swallowing with difficulty, because all of a sudden he was realizing what he was going to find if he took another step. The second time he jerked off while watching Kuroo's porn, it was to a video of his friend going at it in the shower. After that, he'd dreamed about taking showers with Kuroo, and touching him under the shower. Now, if he only took one more step, he would have been able to actually see Kuroo in the shower with his own eyes.

Was he going to be able to resist the urge to throw himself under the water and touch his friend's body? Was he going to be able to look at his face instead of lowering his gaze towards Kuroo's dick? No, he would have probably embarrassed himself even more. Maybe the best option, after all, was for him to take a couple of steps back, and wait for Kuroo outside. He probably would have done something stupid, if he'd taken that last step forward.

He sighed, and he was about to turn around and walk back out, when something that seemed like a moan caught his attention. A moan that was coming from the shower. Bokuto felt himself freeze on the spot completely. Was Kuroo doing what he thought he was doing? Oh shit.

Bokuto lost every ability to think straight, because his last braincells got smashed to pieces. He forgot about everything he was telling himself, and with a few quick steps he got inside the shower room, his eyes scanning the room looking for Kuroo.

The moment he saw his friend, his mouth started hanging open, his lips incredibly dry, to the point that he had to pass his tongue on them to wet them. Because Kuroo was indeed naked in the shower, and he reminded Bokuto so much of the shower masturbation porn video. He had his back to the door, head slightly tilted back, eyes shut. One hand was caressing his own body, while the other was fisted around his dick, pumping it with a steady rhythm. Bokuto couldn't actually see his dick, but he could see the movement of his arm, which was pretty eloquent.

At that sight, he involuntarily found himself panting, eyes greedily trying to take in everything they could. After all, when was he ever going to get lucky enough to witness such a glorious show? His face was relaxed in an expression of pure delight, while his pupils were dilating with lust. He wanted to reach forward, he wanted to touch. He wanted to join in.

Then all of a sudden, probably attracted by his heavy breathing, Kuroo turned around and saw him there, staring. His eyes shot wide open, as he let go of his dick. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Only then Bokuto realized that he'd been caught. Well, fuck.

"Kuroo..." Bokuto started to say, just calling his friend's name very slowly, both hands raised in front of himself in a protective way. He even took a couple of steps back, unsure of what he could say or do, only knowing that he needed to defend himself somehow.

The two of them kept staring at each other, neither of them capable of talking. In the list of the most embarrassing situations of their lives, that was probably taking the crown for them both, at the moment. Yet Bokuto didn't leave, and Kuroo didn't get a towel to cover up his nudity. They just stayed there, looking at each other. Probably each of them was waiting for the other to talk first.

"What were you doing, Bo?" Kuroo finally breathed out, after what seemed like hours, but probably had only been a minute at most.

"I... I heard you and... I don't know, it was just like that shower video and... I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry!" Bokuto blabbered, feeling more defeated than ever. He was actually afraid that Kuroo would refuse to ever speak to him again after catching him spying.

"The shower video? How many of those videos did you watch with your sick teammates?" Kuroo's voice came out full of spite. Turning the shower off with an abrupt movement of his wrist, the boy stepped out of it and grabbed a towel to wrap around his waist. His face was now contracted with rage, as he slowly but steadily walked towards Bokuto.

"No, it's not like that, I swear. When I was alone I looked you up on the website, okay? Maybe I was curious, maybe... I was just worried about you" Bokuto quickly spat out, a strong note of panic in his voice, while Kuroo kept getting closer and closer.

Hearing those words, Kuroo stopped. His enraged expression slowly changed into a perplexed one. "Worried? Why?" he asked, probably really curious to find out the answer.

Bokuto took a deep breath, trying to figure out what to say and how. He couldn't outright lie, but he couldn't tell the entire truth either. He opted for something in between. "Because in all of the videos I've watched with my teammates, we were making fun of people because they were clearly faking, like, everything. I guess I just wanted to make sure you were really okay with that stuff. Like, that you didn't seem forced into it or, you know, hurt or something" he said, the volume of his voice getting lower and lower the more he talked.

He stared at his own feet while talking, but after he was done he raised his eyes again towards Kuroo's face. His friend was standing still just outside his arm's reach, looking more confused than ever.

"Wait a second. Are you trying to say that you really are _okay_ with me doing that kind of stuff, as long as I’m fine? That you're not disgusted by what I do?" Kuroo asked, probably trying to see the situation more clearly.

"Why would I be? It's just jerking off! I do it every day too! Sure, I don't do it in front of a camera, but whatever. If it makes you feel better, next time I do it I'll snap a picture for you and call it even!" Bokuto stated, an amused grin appearing on his face.

The fact that Kuroo probably just wanted to be really sure that Bokuto didn't think any less of him also made Bokuto feel better. And all of a sudden, everything he was worrying about went away, and all he cared about was to laugh with his friend. Sure, he wasn't exactly certain that what Kuroo did on camera was really _just jerking off_ , because there were also a few videos with other guys in them, but he didn't want to think about those, because the idea of those other people touching Kuroo made him a little sick in the stomach. But everything else? Oh, he was definitely fine with the rest. Because if Kuroo masturbated on camera, it meant that he could _watch_.

The moment he started joking about their situation, Bokuto could see relief wash over his friend's face. Kuroo smacked him in the head, and while massaging the assaulted part of his body, Bokuto could see that the other was laughing as well.

"I can live without your dick pics, you asshole, thank you very much!" Kuroo said, and a moment later they were both laughing loudly.

"I missed you, bro!" Bokuto affirmed, because taking away all of the inappropriate sexual desire he'd felt, he had really missed joking around with his partner in crime.

"I missed you too, bro" Kuroo replied. "Now let me get dressed, I'm pretty sure Kenma is waiting for me and he's going to kill me for taking this long."

"Well, it would have taken a lot less if you hadn't decided that it was a good idea to jerk off in a public shower like an exhibitionist" Bokuto commented, laughing about it.

"And thanks to you I didn't even finish. So now I'm late _and_ hard" Kuroo stated shaking his head while he walked past the other boy. Even though his words were accusing, the tone of his voice was amused.

"If you want to finish first, I'm not gonna stop you. I can wait." Bokuto replied to that, sticking both hands in his pockets and trying to look as innocent as possible. He sure would have appreciated the sight, if Kuroo had decided to continue where he left off. But of course he couldn’t say that out loud.

"Shut up. Asshole" was Kuroo's playful reply, signaling that he hadn't been taken seriously.

"Okay, okay. I was joking, I swear!" Bokuto once again defended himself, while trying not to stare at Kuroo who was putting his clothes on.

Except that he wasn't joking. Not even a little bit. And that was his main problem, at the moment.

***

When they both got out of the stadium, they were joking around and shoving each other in a friendly manner. To Bokuto, it felt like coming up for fresh air, after the stress he'd been under since finding out that Kuroo was doing porn. Even though he still had a desire to watch Kuroo touch himself, and a strange need to be the one touching him, Bokuto was still able to shove those feelings deep down and ignore them. He was still able to laugh with his friend as they'd always done in high school.

Walking side by side towards their friends, Bokuto was happy. Maybe he would have appreciated if Kuroo had seemed more interested in the idea of Bokuto watching him, as if he had _liked_ the idea of Bokuto watching him, but whatever. Kuroo appeared to be fine with the current situation, with being accepted despite what he did, therefore Bokuto was too. Considering that he'd been afraid of losing his friend, he was pretty relieved because of how well things had progressed.

They reached their former teammates, and when they did there were just a few of them left. Apparently, most of the boys from both teams and gone home for lunch. Only Akaashi and Onaga were still there for Fukurodani, while Kenma, Lev, Yamamoto and Fukunaga were the only ones from Nekoma.

"Took you long enough" Kenma commented when he saw them arrive, piercing eyes glaring at Kuroo. Bokuto didn't know how his friend could deal on a daily basis with such an enigmatic person. He never understood Kenma, after all, as they were complete opposites. But he guessed that Kuroo must have grown accustomed to that kind of behavior, considering that the two of them had been friends since childhood.

"I fell asleep in the shower, Bokuto found me there and saved me from drowning" Kuroo lied, with the obvious purpose of making everyone laugh. Kenma, however, didn't find his words to be as funny. The setter just rolled his eyes and took a PSP out of his back pocket, starting to play immediately.

"We should find somewhere to go for lunch, now that everyone is here" Akaashi was the one who brought their attention back to what was really important, like eating. Both Bokuto and Kuroo had played a very difficult and tiring match, after all, and they needed sustenance.

They ate something quick and spent most of the afternoon together. As the hours went by, however, more and more people made their way home, until only Bokuto, Akaashi, Kuroo and Kenma remained. It was already time for dinner, so they ate together and then said goodbye to each other, going their separate ways. Akaashi didn't seem to like the way Kuroo clapped his back vigorously to say goodbye to him; well, not as much as Kenma seemed to hate Bokuto's bear hug, anyway.

When it was the moment for Bokuto and Kuroo to say goodbye, however, they awkwardly stood in front of one another for a few seconds, neither of them apparently willing to make the first step. Then they moved forward at the same time, and they gave each other a quick hug.

"Don't be a stranger, okay? Call me" Bokuto told Kuroo.

"You call me. I have better things to do than chasing after you" the other replied.

It seemed like they didn't really care about each other, but whoever knew them well enough could easily read that there was a huge fondness behind their usual banter. It had always been there, actually. It was just the way those two used to talk to each other since high school.

When he was walking to the closest station with Akaashi, Kuroo and Kenma walking together the opposite way, Bokuto was smiling. He'd missed home, he'd missed his friends. They definitely needed to have days like that more often.


	7. Trying not to

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, I'm back with yet another weekly chapter. This chapter has been among my favorites to write, so I hope you'll appreciate it as well.
> 
> Also, I've mentioned several times in the past that I was probably going to post two chapters a week of this story at some point, but I've changed my mind. In this case, I prefer to keep it to weekly updates only.

Weeks passed, and Bokuto's college volleyball team qualified for the third round of the tournament. Once again, his friends from Fukurodani were at the stadium watching his match, and a few players from Nekoma were there too. Including Kenma, which seemed to be pretty funny to Bokuto, considering that Kenma had never seemed to be much into volleyball to begin with, and even less into being Bokuto's friend.

After that second game, however, he didn't stay in Tokyo any longer than he needed to. He barely had time to say goodbye to his friends once again, and then he was on the bus back to school.

Once he arrived, he was exhausted. His match this time had been in the afternoon, meaning that it was late in the evening when he got back to his dorm, a little hungry and definitely tired. He plopped down on his bed completely dressed, telling himself that it wouldn't have been too bad to skip all of his morning classes the following day and just sleep, because he wasn't sure that he would have been able to properly wake up. His roommate, who was lying on his own bed reading a book, gave him a disapproving look, then went back to ignoring him.

He was a few seconds from falling into a deep sleep, when he heard his phone ring. Someone was calling him. He was tempted to put the phone on silent and ignore the call, but out of curiosity he checked the screen anyway, just to see who was calling him. When he read Kuroo's name, he decided to answer.

"Hey bro" he said, lacking his usual enthusiasm. His voice was clearly stating how tired he was at the moment.

"Hey, did I wake you? I just wanted to tell you that I heard about your match. Congratulations" Kuroo started talking on the other side of the phone, making Bokuto smile. Somehow, even though he was definitely in need of a good night of sleep, he was happy to hear from his friend. Not happy enough to actually wake up and talk to him properly, but he was smiling into the phone, so that had to count for something at least.

"Thank you! The match was awesome, and I spiked this cross super close to the net, nobody saw it coming. Everyone was cheering for me, you should have been there" Bokuto blabbered, making Kuroo chuckle on the other end of the line.

The conversation didn't last for long, because Bokuto was too tired to even joke with Kuroo, but when they hung up he felt happy. He didn't know what it was with him and porn lately, but he was pretty grateful for it, because it somehow had helped him feel more connected to Kuroo. And that, of course, was a friendship he would have protected at any cost.

The following days, however, those thoughts weren't enough anymore. Now that he wasn't tired anymore, in fact, Bokuto had other kinds of thoughts in mind. Thoughts that involved Kuroo, and not just in a _normal friendship_ kind of way. He was actually spending more and more time thinking about the porn videos, even though he'd tried his best to keep away from them. The more he told himself that he wasn't supposed to watch them though, that Kuroo didn't want him to watch them, the more he felt the need to do it anyway.

It was starting to get pretty frustrating for him. Especially when he woke up horny from dreams he couldn't remember, and all he wanted to do was to find something he could properly masturbate to. He didn't want his own dick to come between his friendship with Kuroo, but at the same time he needed to feel some relief.

On a Thursday morning, Bokuto woke up panting. He really couldn't take it anymore, he needed to do something. Without even thinking about the consequences of his actions, he took his phone and called Akaashi. His best friend was probably on his way to school at the moment, ready to start morning practice before class. It was the perfect time to disturb him.

When the younger boy answered the phone, sounding perplexed since he probably wasn't expecting that call, Bokuto went straight to the point. "Have you ever been so horny that you're willing to destroy a friendship just to be able to jerk off?" he asked instead of saying hello.

The only sound he could hear from the other end of the line was the feeble humming noise of the train Akaashi was probably on, along with some distant chatter of the other passengers. However, he could almost _feel_ his best friend rolling his eyes at him though the phone.

"I'm not even sure I understand your question" Akaashi answered after the few seconds he had probably needed to analyze Bokuto's words.

Bokuto let out an exasperated sigh. Why couldn't Akaashi understand what he was saying? He couldn't give a more detailed explanation of his situation, because he couldn't tell anyone that Kuroo was doing porn, or that he wanted to touch himself while watching it. He just needed his best friend to _get it_ , because no human being could understand him better than Akaashi.

For a moment he bit into his lower lip, trying to figure out how else he could have explained things. "The problem is that I promised a friend I wasn't going to jerk off, but my dick is going to explode if I don't" he finally said, which was mostly how he saw the truth. He had a silent understanding with Kuroo that he wasn't going to watch those videos, but he needed them in order to fulfill his needs. Of course it wasn't the same thing as someone making him promise that he wasn't going to jerk off, but for him it had the same result.

Explaining things to Akaashi in those terms, however, was easily going to make the other boy misunderstand the situation. After a few seconds in which Bokuto only heard a registered voice announcing the next stop of the train, he finally heard Akaashi start talking.

"It's your body, Bokuto-san. No one should tell you what to do with it, especially when it comes to basic human needs. I'm sure your friend will understand if you do it anyway. Now please respect my friendship as well and don't ask me this kind of questions ever again" the setter gave his opinion on the matter, along with a request of his own, and Bokuto could almost imagine his friend's face blush while talking about that kind of stuff in a public space. But Akaashi had told him what he wanted to hear, so he didn't really care if that had provoked embarrassment for the younger boy. All he cared about was that Akaashi had unconsciously given him permission to go back to that porn website and watch videos of Kuroo.

"Thanks Akaashi, you're the best!" he yelled, then he hung up before giving his best friend the time to say anything else. Now he was finally thrilled and ready to start his day.

Considering what time it was, he had approximately one hour before the start of his first class. If he skipped breakfast and ran to class, he had enough time to start his day in the best possible way. His roommate was already at the library, after all, since he basically lived there, so no one would have disturbed him.

Yes, he was going to do it! He took his laptop and put it on the bed, searched for _Nekuro_ on the gay porn website, and then he scrolled through the video previews. He ended up clicking on the one he had started watching with his teammates the night he'd discovered that Kuroo was doing porn. After all, he'd been mesmerized by those images before finding out that the boy on the screen was Kuroo, therefore it was only fitting that he finally watched that video until the end.

Once everything was ready, he lowered his pajama pants and boxers to his knees, the computer resting beside him, and he clicked to start reproducing the video, his right hand immediately going to wrap around the base of his dick.

The video started exactly the way he remembered it. The first thing he saw was a couple of strong thighs, and a dick taking up most of the screen. A hand was stroking that dick, while someone was producing amazing moaning sounds. Then the camera started to move up, and that was when Bokuto started to slowly stroke his own dick as well. He tried to move at the same rhythm as the guy on the screen, but he couldn't manage. How could he stay calm enough to stroke gently, to go slowly, when every breath from Kuroo made him want to quicken the pace? 

He tried to force himself to keep going slow, while the camera moved up his friend's body until it stopped on the boy's face. He looked exactly as Bokuto remembered him. Bottom lip between his teeth, flushed cheeks, eyes closed and messy hair. He was gorgeous.

Bokuto's breathing became heavier, while he tried not to lose focus on what mattered the most. The kept watching the video, wishing that he could just reach out and touch. He wanted to caress Kuroo's body, put a hand on his chest and slowly move it downwards to brush against his abs. He wanted to taste his friend's body with his mouth, he wanted to do many things to him. But he couldn't, because Kuroo was never going to be okay with that. Actually, his friend was never even going to be okay knowing that he was jerking off in front of his porn videos, so of course he couldn't make things worse in any way by asking for anything.

He just kept watching, and the video now showed all of Kuroo, the camera turning around him in order to take a good look at him from different angles. The boy's legs were slightly bent, and that way Bokuto could now see his friend's ass, as well as the lower part of his balls as they bounced a little while he jerked. Without even realizing what he was doing, Bokuto licked his lips and stroked himself harder. He was going insane, he was aware of that at least. But for some reason he couldn't stop, because the sight in front of his eyes was just too beautiful to ignore.

He was now panting, his breathing in sync with Kuroo's in the video. He found himself holding his breath, however, when he saw Kuroo stop masturbating and reaching for something outside the frame. When his hand was visible again, it was holding a bottle of lube. Bokuto swallowed.

What was he going to do? Well, he didn't have to wait for long in order to find out. Soon, Kuroo was smearing lube on both of his hands. One of those hands was brought back to his dick, resuming its stroking, which made him produce a satisfied sound that caused Bokuto's own dick to twitch out of pleasure.

The other hand reached down, two fingers stroking the crack of his ass, dangerously close to his entrance, hips jerking upwards a little bit in order to give a better view of what he was doing to the camera. Bokuto felt like he couldn't breathe anymore at the sight.

Was he really going to do it? Was he really going to push those fingers inside himself? Bokuto couldn't even blink, he was completely unable to take his eyes off the images on the screen. Kuroo's moans were intoxicating, bringing Bokuto's brain to basically stop functioning altogether.

He needed to focus though, he couldn't come just yet. He needed to see Kuroo come first. Because he was going to come on that video, right? It would have been incredibly unfair to Bokuto if he wasn't.

Trying to take a deep breath and almost failing, Bokuto didn't miss a single frame of Kuroo's moving fingers. Especially when one of them slowly started to enter the hole it had been caressing. He could see his friend jerk a little forward, as if his body was unconsciously trying to get away from the intrusion, but a moment later he could see him relax, pushing the finger further inside. The entire time, his other hand was still slowly pumping his dick, and producing a wet sound thanks to the lube.

Kuroo kept fingering his ass with just one digit, but after a little while he added a second one. Bokuto couldn't stop himself at that point, he needed to move faster and faster. He needed to stroke his dick as if his life depended on it. And in some way it was also true, because he was feeling like all of the blood in his body at the moment was concentrating on his lower regions, and he needed to come as soon as possible in order for the blood to keep flowing to the rest of the body. He was almost lacking oxygen, because he could barely breathe. He needed it to be over soon, because it was too much, but at the same time he wanted it to last forever, because it was exhilarating, it was pure perfection, it was the best sensation he'd ever felt in his life.

Bokuto had had sex before. It was just once, with a girl, right before graduating from high school. It had felt good, very good actually, but not perfect. He'd thought that was the best experience he'd ever had, and probably the best he was ever going to have. He was wrong. Because his own hand around his dick while watching Kuroo masturbate was way better. _That_ was the best experience of his life yet. And his brain couldn't even function if he tried to think about what it might have felt to be there with Kuroo, to be doing those things with him, _to_ him. To have Kuroo touch Bokuto's body the way he was touching his own in those videos.

Before he could even realize what was happening, Bokuto was crying his friend's name while coming all over himself. It took him a few seconds to ride down the orgasm, slowly stroking his dick until there was nothing left to let go of. His eyesight went blurry because of the pleasure, so only a few seconds later he was finally able to see again.

He let his eyes fall on the screen of his laptop again. The video wasn't over, and Kuroo was still going at it. He now had three fingers inside his hole, and he had built up a steady rhythm to finger himself with enthusiasm. The framing of the camera kept changing from one view to another. It went from the fingers getting as deep as they could inside Kuroo's ass, to the tip of his dick leaking precum, to his face contracted with pleasure.

He was enjoying himself for real. He actually liked what he was doing to himself. Not like most of the people in the other pornos. He actually liked touching himself. It was just the same way he had looked when Bokuto had caught him masturbating in the shower after their match.

He kept watching the video even though his dick was completely spent after the orgasm he'd had. He felt heat spreading throughout his body starting from his dick, however, a sign that it was trying to get hard again and failing. He needed time to recover, because that orgasm had been too overwhelming for him.

It only took another two minutes before the camera captured the way Kuroo's face changed while he was reaching his own orgasm. Bokuto had his eyes glued to the screen, not wanting to miss a single second of that incredible beauty. Then the camera shifted towards Kuroo's dick, and Bokuto saw it shooting strings of cum everywhere. Most of it landed on Kuroo's body, a little even ended up on the lens of the camera.

It was amazing. The video then ended with Kuroo panting, recovering from the pleasure he'd felt, and Bokuto closed the screen of his computer without even turning it off, or at least exiting from the website. He used his clean hand to rub his eyes, trying to concentrate on what had just happened.

The experience was too perfect, too overwhelming, to tell himself that he wasn't going to repeat it. He wanted to do it again, he _needed_ to do it again. He took a deep breath and, while he started cleaning himself up, he promised himself that he was going to watch all of the videos Kuroo had ever made, and all of those he was going to make in the future. If that made him a pervert, a deviant, then so be it. He was already going to hell anyway.


	8. I can't see you hurt

During the following days, Bokuto kept masturbating to Kuroo's videos every time he was alone in his dorm room. He only watched his solo videos, because there was something agitating in his stomach every time he thought about opening one of the videos where Kuroo wasn't alone. He felt somehow sick thinking that someone was touching Kuroo. That someone _who wasn't him_ was doing things to his friend.

Soon, however, he ran out of solo masturbation content, and he had to switch to the other kind of videos. There were just a few of them, meaning that Kuroo probably didn't do those often. Maybe he didn't like them as much? Or maybe whoever he was working for agreed with Bokuto that he looked way more amazing when he was on his own. Well, whatever the reason, there were still a few of those videos on the website, and Bokuto needed to watch those too.

He opened the first one on a Monday, while his roommate was out for lunch, since he didn't feel all that hungry. He didn't want to go to the cafeteria, so he decided to go back to his room instead, and just watch some porn in order to pick himself up before his afternoon classes.

As usual, he opened the website that now was in his favorites bar. He didn't need to put _Nekuro_ in the search field anymore, because the page he had in his favorites was the Nekuro search result page already. After all it wasn't like he needed to see other stuff on that website, just Kuroo. He wasn't into guys, he'd never been before. He just felt that inexplicable attraction towards his high school friend, that was quickly driving him crazy with need and desire.

Once he was on the right web page, Bokuto scrolled down until he found what he was looking for. He clicked on the first video that caught his eyes, that had Kuroo on his hands and knees in the preview, and someone kneeling behind him. He tried to breathe, while the video loaded.

Then the video started, and Bokuto felt even sicker in the stomach. The first thing he saw was this other guy, who looked like some European jock or something. He was muscular, blond hair and blue eyes, a few tattoos. He was probably in his early twenties, but his strong jaw made him look maybe a little older. He was panting in front of the camera, that was only showing the upper part of his body. Then the camera went down, and Bokuto felt the need to throw up. Kneeling in front of the guy was Kuroo, sucking his dick with dedication.

He seemed to be into it at first, but Bokuto knew his friend well enough to understand when he was acting and when he wasn't. And right then and there, were the camera stopped on Kuroo's face, he could see it. He could see that his enthusiasm at sucking that dick was fake. The same fake as that time when they broke a window at training camp and Kuroo fake-fainted in front of the coaches in order to shift the attention onto something else and avoid punishment.

Bokuto bit his lower lip as a sign of distress. No, he was definitely _not_ going to jerk off while watching that stuff. But he needed to watch it anyway. For some reason, actually, he felt like he couldn't stop watching it, even though he didn't like it in the least.

In the video, Kuroo was still sucking the guy's dick, and the other young man was jerking his hips in order to move towards Kuroo's mouth. The younger boy was trying not to suffocate, while at the same time he kept his face relaxed, because he needed to look like he was enjoying himself in front of the camera. Bokuto could read through his forced expression though. He knew that Kuroo wasn't liking it one bit.

After a little while the scene changed. Now Kuroo was on all fours on the floor, and that was the same scene that Bokuto had seen in the preview of the video, except that this time both people on the screen were moving. Kuroo's expression conveyed perfectly faked bliss, while the other guy was kneeling behind him and slapping his ass. Bokuto wanted to yell at the young man, tell him to fuck off, to leave Kuroo alone, but unfortunately it would have been no use. It almost took him until the end of high school, but even Bokuto had learned at some point that yelling at a screen didn't make the people inside it hear him.

He clenched his teeth while he heard Kuroo whimper, in a way that was pretty different from the moans of pure pleasure he was emitting in the other videos. This time he was clearly not enjoying himself. He actually sounded more like the other people in the videos Bokuto had watched with his team, those who were actually faking every sound and every expression they made. It was starting to get him worried, because if Kuroo was faking it, it meant that he didn't actually like what he was doing. Was it possible that the other guy was hurting him? Or that at least he was afraid that it might hurt?

Bokuto tried to take a deep breath, but when he exhaled it came out shaky, as if he was almost enraged by the situation.

Now the guy was penetrating Kuroo, slamming into him, and Bokuto wanted to kill him. He was ruining his friend, who had looked so perfect before he had some douchebag's dick inside him to contaminate him. He fisted his hands with enough strength that his knuckles turned white, but there was nothing he could do other than watch what was happening on the screen.

Now he really got why Kuroo didn't want his friends to watch his videos. It wasn't because they might have thought that he liked dicks, because after all who cared if he did? It was because they would have known that he _didn't_ like dicks, or at least those dicks, and they would have called him a pathetic sellout for doing that kind of stuff to his own body just for money. Or well, at least that was the conclusion Bokuto was able to reach on his own.

During the entire time he got penetrated, especially after the rhythm increased, accompanied by the sound of the guy's balls slapping against his ass at each thrust, Kuroo was putting up a good show. Anyone who didn't know him, who didn't care about him, wouldn't have even noticed that he wasn't feeling real pleasure. At one point, however, Bokuto didn't miss the other boy's change of expression. It only lasted for less than a second, but it was there. Anyone else would have probably missed it, but not Bokuto. He'd seen pain on Kuroo's face. The same kind of pain as that one time at training camp when he fell during a pretty difficult receive and hit his knee badly enough that it bled all over the gym floor.

At that point, Bokuto had to get up and pace back and forth in front of his bed, trying to breathe in order to calm down. He was going to kill someone, he needed to make people pay for that.

In the meantime, on the screen, the camera pointed towards Kuroo's hand stroking his own dick. His movements were quick, the image on the screen almost blurry, but Bokuto had seen enough of Kuroo's masturbation videos to recognize the size of his dick perfectly, as well as the way Kuroo's hand fit around it. Therefore it didn't take him long to understand that his friend wasn't even hard at the time. He was acting as if he was experiencing the best pleasure of his life, but his soft dick was telling an entirely different story.

That looked like a pretty normal gay porn video, like every other porn video on the web, but not in Bokuto's eyes. To him it was disgusting, it was torture, and when it finished he needed a few more minutes of pacing around his bedroom to calm himself down.

Before he could even realize what the hell he was doing, the boy took out his phone, and he sent a text message to Kuroo.

To: Kuroo  
**We need 2 talk. Call me when u r alone**

He didn't put in any other explanations, he just informed his friend that they needed to talk. His fingers were trembling while he typed, because his entire body was shaking with rage and worry. He took another couple of deep breaths, trying to calm down, when the ringing of his phone almost made him jump out of his skin in surprise. He looked at the display of his phone: it was Kuroo.

Another deep breath, then he clicked on the answer button. "Hey bro! Sorry to bother you" he said as a greeting.

"No bother, bro. What's up?" Kuroo asked, his voice calm and friendly, as it always was when the two of them were chatting about random stuff. Kuroo was probably expecting a normal dialog, like all of the others they usually had, so Bokuto had to find a way to introduce the topic of conversation without spooking his friend and making him hung up the phone.

"Look, is it okay if we talk about your _job_ for a little while? It's okay if you don't want to, I swear, I just... wanted to ask you something, that's all" Bokuto started, sounding pretty hesitant.

All he heard from the other end of the line was Kuroo's breathing, meaning that his friend was probably thinking about the answer he was going to give. "Okay, I guess. What about it?" Kuroo conceded, making Bokuto's heart beat a little bit faster. It was time to finally tell Kuroo what he thought about his job as a porn star.

"First of all, I need to apologize to you, because I watched the rest of your videos. Like, almost all of them" Bokuto started to say. He pressed the phone harder against his ear, and he could swear he heard Kuroo gulp. "Like I said the last time we met, I wanted to make sure that you're really okay when you're filming those things. And there's something I saw that I didn't quite like" he continued, then he bit at his lower lip. How could he say it without getting Kuroo mad?

"You know, you have no right to judge me for what I do, especially after you promised you weren't going to do it. If you don't like it, you can just stop watching. No one asked you to watch anyway. Actually, I would feel a lot better if you stopped altogether. It's embarrassing for me knowing that you watched them, you know?" Kuroo told him, and Bokuto had to take a deep breath if he wanted to be calm enough to reply without yelling. Because he really felt the need to yell at that point.

"I'm sorry. But I really needed to know that you were okay, and you _weren't_. Like, in the solo videos you're _you_. Just like you were the day I walked in on you in the shower. But then there are the other videos. I only watched one of them, but I'm not sure if I can stomach watching the rest. Because you're faking there, I can see it from your face that you don't actually like it. So I really need to ask you. Did they force you to do it? Did they hurt you?" he finally concluded, speaking a little faster than usual, because he needed for that thought to get out quickly before he had time to change his mind and shut up.

Once again, the only thing he could hear from the other side of the line was Kuroo's breathing. If he wasn't mistaken, it was getting quicker, as if the other boy was nervous. He wanted to say something else, to ask his friend if he was okay, but then he heard a sound that almost broke his heart. Kuroo was... crying? Fuck, he didn't want to make him cry. He just wanted to make sure he was okay. But if he was crying, did it mean that he wasn't okay?

"Fuck, Bo! You can't just tell me stuff like that out of the blue!" Kuroo commented, leaving Bokuto entirely confused. What did he mean?

"Why? I mean, I don't want to upset you, but I care about you, I want to be sure that you're okay" Bokuto insisted. This time, Kuroo laughed on the other end of the line. Not a happy laugh, but a melancholic one. Bokuto couldn't understand what was the meaning of it.

"You know, when I started doing porn I thought that at some point someone was going to find out about it, eventually. But I never thought it was going to be you, that's for sure. I always thought it was going to be Kenma, because maybe I was going to unwillingly give him a hint while drunk or something. And I always thought that whoever found out was going to be disgusted because I accepted to take it up the ass for money. Nobody is that desperate for money, after all" Kuroo started to say, and Bokuto was compelled to listen in silence. The boy wasn’t crying anymore, but his voice somehow lacked Kuroo’s trademark confidence.

"But the truth is that I don't mind it, you know? You don't have to worry about me. What you saw in those videos is just another person going to work, doing a job they don't particularly like or dislike. I would have never done it if I hated it, or if it hurt. You can stop worrying about me" Kuroo finished his explanation.

Bokuto chewed on his lower lip, repeating those words inside his head a few times. Was he really going to believe his friend? He didn't seem to be lying, but at the same time Bokuto wasn't sure that the other was telling him the entire truth either.

"Does it mean that you can actually like it at times? I mean, like, are you gay or something?" he kept asking, looking for answers. Maybe if he could better understand his friend's motives, he could also understand what was happening to him. The tone of his voice was just curious when he asked those questions, he clearly wasn't judging, he was just looking for answers. Kuroo knew him well enough to understand that, he hoped.

"Straight to the point, uh?" Kuroo commented, letting out a nervous laugh. "I'm not gay though, I still like girls. If you need to give it a name, then I’m bisexual, I suppose" he actually replied to Bokuto's question.

Those few words opened a new world in front of Bokuto's eyes. Kuroo liked both boys and girls. Bokuto mainly liked girls, but he also liked Kuroo. Did it mean that he was bisexual as well? But of course that was a question he needed to answer by himself, he couldn't hope for Kuroo's help with that.

"Do you hate me, Bo?" Kuroo then asked out of nowhere, after Bokuto had been silent for a while, leaving him completely startled. What kind of question was that? Was Kuroo really so insecure regarding his job as a porn star that he kept being afraid to lose Bokuto's friendship over it?

"How many times do I have to tell you? I could never hate my best bro" Bokuto reassured him, hearing Kuroo chuckle on the other end of the line. "But I think I kind of hate every guy who fucked you, because they couldn't even make it good for you" he admitted before he could stop himself.

He blushed, hoping that Kuroo didn't read too much into those words. Especially because for him they really had that certain meaning, even though of course he didn't want his friend to know it.

"Which video did you watch? I mean, look at the search tags, what was the name of the other guy?" Kuroo asked, surprising Bokuto. It was the first time that Kuroo had acted as if he was really okay with Bokuto watching his stuff.

After hearing those words, however, Bokuto went back to his computer, reopened the screen and, as soon as the laptop had left the standby mode, he read the tag name. "Swedenboy" he read out loud. "What kind of name is that?"

He heard Kuroo hint another quick laugh. "Okay, now it makes sense. Look, I got to talk to him a little off camera. He's actually a nice guy, and I can assure you that he never did anything to hurt me. But he's completely straight, and he's been doing this for years now, so I think he's kind of... numbed? He fucked me with the same intensity of a cashier at the supermarket scanning one item after the other. It couldn't feel good, it was boring as hell!" Kuroo explained, laughing some more after he finished talking.

Bokuto chuckled at that. "That's the problem then? He bored you?" He was laughing as well now.

"Yes. Look, I can't believe I'm telling you this, but if it makes you feel better, if you really want to see the difference, check a video with a guy who was really into it. Check for _Honey_ in the tags and you'll see" Kuroo suggested.

Bokuto smirked. "You're actually asking me to watch one of your videos!" he stated, laughing. "You're either secretly into me watching you, or you like your job more than you say you do" he commented. After all, someone needed to really be an exhibitionist in order to do the things that Kuroo had done in front of a camera.

"Just watch the video, you ass. Then you'll see what I like" Kuroo answered, even though Bokuto could hear the embarrassment in his voice. Bokuto wasn't exactly sure of what possessed him to do it, but he actually opened the video while he was still on the phone with Kuroo. And the moment the first frame came on he got petrified on the spot. He _definitely_ wasn’t expecting something like that!


	9. Confusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are with another chapter. The thing that shocked Bokuto at the end of the last chapter is about to be revealed.

The video started, and along with it Bokuto began to panic. Because the first person to appear on camera was the other guy, and Bokuto had the perfect opportunity to take a good look at him. He was probably a little older than they were, even though not by much. He was tall and muscular, large chest and shoulders, clearly with a huge upper body strength. He had gray spiky hair, gelled so that they pointed towards the back. A huge, confident smile curved his lips. And he had those large golden eyes that made Bokuto hold his breath. Because the resemblance was impossible to ignore. The guy fucking looked like him!

Once he got hit by that realization, Bokuto was completely unable to produce any sounds. Therefore, while both he and Kuroo stayed perfectly silent, the only noise either of them could hear was coming from Bokuto's computer, where Kuroo and the other guy were kissing and touching each other.

"Bro, are you watching it _right now_?" Kuroo asked, since he probably wasn't expecting Bokuto to do something like that.

"Y-yes?" the other replied, unable to articulate even a little more.

"Dude, no, turn it off! It's embarrassing!" Kuroo yelled. He wasn't really mad though, because his voice sounded more shy than actually angry.

"You're the one who told me to watch it" Bokuto commented, an amused smile on his face. Well, at least he was able to speak now. And if he wanted to keep being able to talk, he couldn't really concentrate on what he was watching.

Before Kuroo could finish mumbling his protest, however, something else caught Bokuto's eyes. "Wait, dude, are you wearing a cock ring?" he asked, trying to make a joke out of it. He didn't want to think about the actual implication of the use of such an object.

"Yeah? See? He was that good" Kuroo managed to mumble, and Bokuto started to sweat. Because if Kuroo needed to wear that, it meant that he risked coming too soon. Fuck, it meant that he really liked it. He liked it with a guy who looked like Bokuto.

After that, the conversation didn't last for long. Bokuto kept teasing Kuroo, who was laughing despite the obvious embarrassment, then they hung up and Bokuto concentrated on the video even more. He paid as much attention as possible to the expression on Kuroo's face while the guy was pounding into him. He was lying on his back, his legs on the guy's shoulders, and he seemed to be in pure bliss. He wasn't faking his pleasure at all in that video, his cock rock hard despite the ring. For a moment, or more than one to be completely honest, Bokuto imagined himself there, instead of his lookalike.

What did it mean, though? Kuroo's words from before came back to him all of a sudden. _Just watch the video, you'll see what I like_ , Kuroo had said. At first, Bokuto thought that he was talking about the way the guy fucked him, or something like that. But what if it was something else entirely? What if that was Kuroo's way to tell him that he liked _him_?

Or maybe he just had a vivid imagination, and Kuroo had never even seen the resemblance between Bokuto and the guy in the video. That was also a strong possibility.

After that revelation, however, Bokuto took his time to watch all of the videos of Kuroo with other guys. He learned that either Kuroo liked to be fucked, or whoever decided what was supposed to happen in those videos preferred to see him as a bottom, because he never topped even once. That notion, however, did all sorts of things to Bokuto, because he kept imagining himself with Kuroo in those videos. Especially the one with the guy named Honey, who looked so much like him.

That video was actually the only one where Kuroo wasn't alone that Bokuto took the habit of touching himself to. And that was because that video was the only one where he could clearly imagine himself in the place of the other guy. Also, that was the only one where Kuroo seemed to be happy to be fucked.

Time was passing, the college volleyball tournament was nearing its end, and Bokuto's team had made it to the semifinals. The semifinals were held two days before the beginning of winter break, and Bokuto had convinced his coach to leave him in Tokyo after their match, win or lose, so that he was already home to spend the holidays with his friends and family. The coach agreed, and he was ecstatic when they got to the stadium for the match.

As always, Akaashi and most of Fukurodani players were in the audience, cheering for him. A few Nekoma players were there too, along with two of the previous year's graduates. Yaku and Kai were there, and Bokuto waved at them with enthusiasm when he entered the court to warm up before the beginning of the match. They had thirty minutes of warmups, then the match began. As the referee blew into his whistle, Bokuto turned towards the location where his friends were sitting, and he saw that _he_ was with them as well. Wearing his old Nekoma tracksuit, Kuroo was standing beside Akaashi, smirking at him.

Bokuto brightened at the sight, happy that he was given the opportunity to shine in front of Kuroo. Their team was going to receive first. He received the ball flawlessly, called for the toss, then spiked so hard that the ball reached the bleachers behind the opponent's side of the court. He was hyped, because Kuroo was watching him, and it felt somehow _right_. After all, for the past few weeks all he'd done in his spare time was watch Kuroo, therefore it was only fair that for once their parts were reversed.

The game didn't last for long. Bokuto was in such a great shape that he made a huge difference in the match, and they ended up winning straight sets, above the coach's greatest expectations. In the locker rooms, the coach told the boys that he was absolutely proud of them, and that after winter break he expected to see that same level of finesse from them in the finals. They all cheered, Bokuto included, then they left. The coach and the rest of the team were going to take the bus back to college, but Bokuto said goodbye to them there, and he stayed.

He ran towards the entrance of the stadium, where he knew that his friends were waiting for him just outside. The temperature was freezing, yet Bokuto was emanating heat, as much as he was excited. He saw Akaashi, Kuroo, Kenma and Lev waving at him as he ran towards them, the others already gone. Well, Akaashi, Kuroo and Lev were waving at him, Kenma was playing with his phone and ignoring his approach completely. Without even taking a moment to think about what he was doing, he accelerated his pace, dropped his gym bag at their feet, then jumped at Kuroo, wrapping his arms and legs around his friend. Kuroo barely managed to keep him up, putting both arms under his ass to sustain him, and that was the moment when Bokuto froze. It was an innocent touch, a touch needed if he didn't want to fall, but it was still there. He wanted to blush, but he knew he couldn't, therefore he just ended up letting go of Kuroo altogether and putting his feet back on the ground. He was hyper-aware of Kuroo's hands, though, therefore he didn't miss the slight brush of Kuroo's fingers up his thighs towards his ass while the other was letting go of him.

He couldn't say if that touch was intentional or not, but it most likely wasn't. Kuroo soon after put both hands in his pockets, and when the others greeted Bokuto as well, the latter stopped thinking about Kuroo's hands and just thought about enjoying the time he had.

The five of them spent most of their day together, then each of them went home for the evening. When lying in his own comfortable bed after the fun day he'd had, Bokuto was smiling towards the ceiling. If only each day could have always been like that...

At first he thought that maybe he could relax by watching some of Kuroo's porn and jerking off, but he didn't imagine it would be a great idea with his parents in the next room. Therefore he took out his cellphone and called Kuroo instead.

"Hey, did I disturb you?" he said when the other answered.

"No, of course not. What's up?" Kuroo asked. He sounded calm, happy even. Just like a boy was supposed to be after spending a good day out with his friends after so long.

"I don't know, can I ask you a question about the videos?" Bokuto started, his tone conversational, even though the topic he'd brought up was delicate. He could feel Kuroo tense on the other end of the line.

"What kind of question?" Kuroo's voice was lower now. Probably he didn't want to risk his grandparents hearing him talking about doing porn. Bokuto could definitely understand that.

"It's about that Honey guy" Bokuto started to say.

"Oh" Kuroo seemed to be surprised hearing what Bokuto wanted to talk about. "What about him?"

Well, it wasn't easy to explain. How could he bring up that topic of discussion? Then Bokuto told himself to fuck it and just say it.

"Was it good with him because you liked him? Because you both looked a lot into it and I don't know, I was just wondering..." he finally asked.

"Wait a second, it's been weeks since we talked about that video. Are you still watching it?" Kuroo asked in return, instead of answering his question.

Bokuto could feel his cheeks heat up. "Yeah? Sometimes. I was curious" he blabbered. At that point, even though he didn't say the exact words, he was clearly letting Kuroo understand that he liked watching him. Because come on, _who_ could keep watching those videos just out of curiosity? Bokuto was obviously into them, Kuroo needed to be really dense not to get it!

He heard Kuroo sigh on the phone. "Honey's real name is Mizumaru. He's a nice enough guy, the day we shot the video is also the first day I met him. And we met, well, like that. But he was cheerful, and he seemed to be really into me, you know, like he might have liked me for real. He even used the video to court me, somehow. And I don't know, I liked him back, or at least I thought so" Kuroo started his explanation; Bokuto didn’t like the direction it was taking.

Without even realizing it, Bokuto was clenching his fists with strength. Well, now he really wanted to smash his lookalike's face. But he didn't say a word, he let Kuroo continue with the story instead.

"I don't know what exactly I saw in him. It was probably the way he wanted to make me feel at ease, or how confident he looked. I don't know, he looked hot at the moment. So after the video he asked out, and we had a few dates. Then I realized that I didn't actually like him that much after all and we stopped dating. That's it" Kuroo finished his tale.

They'd dated, then. The guy was Kuroo's ex. Well, now he was never going to look at that video with the same eyes ever again. He was jealous, that was pretty obvious. But Kuroo's words also made him think about something else. At first, he'd thought that maybe his friend might have liked that guy because he looked like Bokuto, but after hearing those words he understood that it had only been a thing of acting the right way at the right moment. It wasn't because he looked like that, it was because he made Kuroo feel better. Then, when they dated, Kuroo realized that he didn't actually like him. And since Bokuto looked like him, he most definitely didn't like Bokuto either.

"Oh, ok. I understand" he stated after hearing the entire story. He sounded a little sad, almost defeated. It was clear that he was expecting something different to come out of Kuroo's mouth. Something along the line of _I liked it so much because I could picture you fucking me_ or the like. Instead, he'd gotten one of the most boring cliché stories ever.

"Does it disturb you? I mean, do you think it's creepy that I dated my screen partner?" Kuroo asked after a little while, a hint of uncertainty in his voice, as if he was looking for Bokuto's approval. Well, he wasn't going to get it, because Bokuto was _never_ going to approve of Kuroo dating anyone who wasn't him!

"I don't know. I mean, if you like someone, sex with that person should be something private. But your first time with him was in front of a camera, so what was there left to share? I think it's kind of sad" Bokuto commented. He really believed in what he said, but at the same time he also kept the rest of his opinion for himself, because saying that he would have never allowed anyone else to touch Kuroo outside of work ever again wasn't the best course of action he could think of. He got how things worked in that line of work, that Kuroo needed to have sex with some stranger in front of the camera every now and then, but like his friend had told him in the past that was just business, boring stuff that he had to make a show of. Real sex with a guy he liked, though? Bokuto wasn't sure he wanted for that to happen anymore.

That conversation had just changed completely the way he looked at Kuroo's videos, now. Before, he liked the video where Kuroo was happy to be fucked, and disliked the others because his friend was faking pleasure. Now that he knew the truth behind it all, however, he preferred the ones where Kuroo was faking, because those were just _work_ , while the other one where he was actually happy made him feel incredibly jealous.

"Yes, I reckon it might be kind of sad. But at least there was no inhibition? Though I thought he might have still surprised me somehow when there was no camera. Instead, it was just more of the same. And I thought that on the long run I might have started to find that boring" Kuroo admitted, making Bokuto feel better immediately.

"I'm sorry if I keep bringing this stuff up. Does it make you uncomfortable that I keep talking about it?" he asked at some point, because he needed to know if he was going a little too far or if he was still doing fine.

Kuroo laughed. "You sure are incredibly nosy, for one who's not supposed to be into this kind of stuff. But really, it's okay. I don't mind talking about that part of my life, if it's with someone who's not just judging me for it. And I know I can trust you" Kuroo reassured him.

Those words made Bokuto smile. When they ended that conversation, he was feeling a little better. At least now he knew that Kuroo was happy, and that his friend really trusted him. It was still better than having nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact:  
> Mizumaru is an oc that’s very dear to me, and that I’ve been using in both fanfictions and rpgs since at least 2008. The last time I used him was in a Pokémon rpg, where I used Bokuto's images to represent him. Therefore it was only fitting that, when I needed a Bokuto lookalike for a fic, I ended up bringing out my Mizu.


	10. Let me watch you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my favorite chapter out of the entire story.  
> When I started writing this fic, there were just two scenes that I had in mind, and that I built the entire plot around: the one where Bokuto finds out about Kuroo at the end of chapter 1, and this one.  
> I hope you'll enjoy it! :)

A couple of days later, Bokuto and Kuroo met for an afternoon out. They went to a park not too far from Nekoma high school and they brought a volleyball with them. They spent a couple of hours chatting about random stuff, joking around and tossing the ball to each other. The temperature, however, was freezing, therefore it didn't take long before Kuroo decided that it was too cold and that they could go to his house instead, since it was the closest.

Bokuto had already been to Kuroo's several times in the past, so he didn't see anything wrong in accepting the invitation. Even though, to be honest, he was afraid of entering his friend's bedroom now that he had a certain kind of thoughts about Kuroo. Especially when they got to the house and he found out that they were going to be alone, as Kuroo's father was out of town and his grandparents weren't going to be home for several more hour.

Trying to relax, Bokuto took off his jacket and shoes at the entrance. After that, he followed his friend upstairs, to his bedroom, all the while still passing the ball to each other. When they arrived to the bedroom, Kuroo let himself fall on the bed, lying there occupying all of it. Bokuto remained standing at the foot of the bed, volleyball in his hands.

"Can I ask you something, like very personal?" Bokuto asked out of the blue, tossing the ball to Kuroo. The other boy passed the ball back to him without changing his position on the bed.

"Okay, shoot. But if it's too personal I might not answer" Kuroo told him, and Bokuto could understand that the other was smirking even though he couldn't exactly see all of his face from that position, not with Kuroo's hands in front of it to receive the toss and pass the ball back. They kept exchanging the ball without stopping it, and without missing a single pass.

"Has doing porn ruined jerking off for you?" Bokuto asked, sending a crappy toss towards Kuroo, a sign that his own question was making him nervous.

"What?" Kuroo asked in reply, laughing. He was probably starting to get amused by the stupid questions Bokuto kept asking about his experience doing porn.

"I mean, can you still jerk off just because you want to come, or every time you do it by yourself is like you're practicing for when you do it in front of the camera?" Bokuto phrased his question better, in order to make the other understand what exactly he wanted to know.

Kuroo shrugged a little, almost missing a toss, but he still managed to send the ball back to Bokuto perfectly. "I mean, I still do it because I like it, but yeah, I suppose I also use it to practice for the camera" the boy replied.

Bokuto swallowed, his hands starting to sweat. "Can I see?" he made his request, all of his limbs trembling as much as his voice, making him almost miss his toss completely. When the ball reached Kuroo, the boy stopped it with both hands and immediately sat back up on the bed. Piercing amber eyes were examining Bokuto's face, probably trying to understand if he was serious or not. He didn't seem to be mad or disgusted, though. Did it mean that maybe Bokuto had a real shot at watching Kuroo masturbate live, just for him?

"Did you just say you want to see me jerk off, Bo?" Kuroo asked, puzzled, undoubtedly trying to see more clearly into what was happening, eyes never leaving Bokuto.

Bokuto gulped hard, shifting his weight from one foot to the other nervously. He was certainly blushing, because he could feel the heat growing on his entire face, almost to the point where he was feeling himself burning up. "Yes, I... I was curious and... I don't know, I'd like to" he blabbered, looking anywhere but at Kuroo, sure that he wasn't going to be able to sustain his gaze. After all, Kuroo could probably see he was full of shit by now, because how many times had he used the _I'm curious_ excuse at that point? Then, however, he snapped his head in Kuroo's direction, locking eyes with him. "Please, let me watch you."

That was the moment he saw Kuroo blink a couple of times in surprise, then blush as well. Was it too much? Was it something too embarrassing to ask of a friend? Was Kuroo going to tell him to fuck off?

"A-are you sure?" was Kuroo's reaction instead. Bokuto tried to keep breathing, but it was getting incredibly difficult. He couldn't even produce a sound, because Kuroo had asked him a question instead of just telling him to go to hell or something, so he just nodded, a vacuous expression painted on his face.

Kuroo bit at his lower lip for a few seconds, staring at the ball in his hands, then threw said ball to Bokuto, who caught it with both hands. "Okay. Okay, we can do it. I mean, it's still practice for me, after all. But it's a little embarrassing, so please don't do _anything_ to make me laugh, okay?" the boy finally accepted.

Once again, Bokuto wasn't sure if he was going to be able to produce any sound. Therefore he just nodded in silence, his mouth hanging slightly open. The temperature inside the house was nice enough, even though it was freezing cold outside, so Kuroo couldn't have been feeling cold when he started taking off his clothes. Yet, Bokuto could see that he was shaking.

"Do I make you nervous?" he managed to ask, his voice soft and unsure. Kuroo stopped in the motion of removing his t-shirt, his hoodie already on the floor beside the bed.

"A little. It's awkward, you know. I usually only do it in front of strangers" Kuroo answered, admitting that Bokuto did indeed make him nervous.

He didn't know what to make of that reply, though. Was he stepping too far? Was telling Kuroo that he changed his mind the right thing to do? But Bokuto didn't want the other to stop. He really wanted to watch him from up close. He wanted to savor every second of it, burn it in his memory to bring up every time he was going to jerk off for the rest of his life.

"Just imagine that I'm the cameraman" Bokuto tried to joke. Those words caused Kuroo's t-shirt to come flying at his face.

"I told you not to make me laugh, you ass" Kuroo commented, but he was smirking. He actually seemed to be a little calmer now. Bokuto smiled at him, giving him an innocent look as they locked eyes for a moment. Then Kuroo went back to undressing.

Not long after, Kuroo was sitting on his bed in only a pair of tight gray boxers, Bokuto standing not too far away from him. They exchanged another look, and Bokuto felt his mouth go dry when he realized that Kuroo was silently asking if he really wanted him to continue. He tried to lick his lips, showing Kuroo that he was confident in his decision, but he only managed to look even more uncertain. He then decided to bite at his lower lip and just wait, eyes staring at Kuroo with intensity.

He saw Kuroo take a deep breath before lying down on the bed once again. Kuroo brought both hands to caress his own body, left hand going straight for the right nipple, while the right hand was going lower, caressing his abs. From his position, Bokuto couldn't really see Kuroo's face that well, but he could both see and hear the other's breathing getting heavier. Then Kuroo's right hand kept getting lower and lower. While the left hand moved towards the other nipple, the right one started rubbing against his dick, still hidden inside the boxers he was wearing.

After a few seconds, Bokuto could clearly see the shape of Kuroo's dick forming under the fabric of the boxers, a sign that he was quickly getting hard. It was his time at that point to take a deep breath, unsure of how he was going to react the more Kuroo continued to touch himself.

Kuroo kept rubbing his dick, partially grabbing it in a way that made Bokuto notice its shape even more. He passed his thumb over the tip of his dick, letting out a moan. Silently, Bokuto took a step closer, in order to have a better look. He was now standing right next to the foot of the bed, and from there he could see that Kuroo's eyes were closed. His face was relaxed, and that sight made Bokuto feel the need to lean forward and kiss him. But he knew that he couldn't do it, so he stayed right where he was, enjoying the show that his friend was putting up only for him.

Soon after, Kuroo used both hands to lower his boxers, and that was the moment Bokuto found himself holding his breath. He couldn't believe it was really happening. Just out of his arm's reach, Kuroo's dick was now free from all clothing and completely hard. Bokuto tried to swallow but failed. The sight was too beautiful for his brain to process it.

From there, things only escalated quickly. Kuroo had one hand on his dick and the other touching the surface of his upper body. The rhythm of his hand was steady but pretty quick, as if he wanted it to be over as soon as possible. He was enjoying what he was doing though, because he kept moaning pretty loudly. That sound was penetrating inside Bokuto's mind and it was rapidly driving him insane. He needed more, he wanted it all. He wanted to touch Kuroo, and see him come just for him. He wanted to _make_ Kuroo come.

His breathing was getting heavier than Kuroo's at that point, but he barely registered it, because his mind was too occupied with the show he was watching. Kuroo, however, got probably distracted by that rough sound, because he opened his eyes and pointed them on Bokuto. Both of them were panting while looking at each other. Bokuto thought that the moment was almost magical, in some way. He tried his best to fix it in his mind forever.

Then Kuroo's gaze moved a little lower, pointing at Bokuto's crotch, and the boy's eyes shot wide open in surprise. That made Bokuto feel confused, so he lowered his gaze on himself as well, noticing that his tracksuit pants were partially tented. Oh, that's what it was, that strange feeling of exhilarating pain he'd been feeling for a while now. It was his dick desperately trying to seek his attention.

Well, that was definitely embarrassing. He wasn't supposed to get hard, not in such an obvious way. He definitely hadn’t thought it through, before asking Kuroo if he could watch him masturbate. What was Kuroo going to think about him now? Was he going to be disgusted? Therefore there was fear in Bokuto's eyes, when he went once again looking for Kuroo's gaze. He imagined the other to be angered now, instead he found him smirking.

"Curious my ass. All the times you watched my videos, did you jerk off?" Kuroo asked, no hesitation in his voice, while his hand was still stroking his dick.

Bokuto started to panic, but at that point denying the obvious was useless. Lying would have only made things worse. "Yes" he breathed out, certain that such a small word might have destroyed his friendship with Kuroo for good.

There was no trace of anger on the other boy's face, though. If possible, he was showing an even more wicked grin than he did when killing one of his spikes. "Show me" Kuroo commanded, the order going straight to Bokuto's dick, that now was rock hard and hurting badly.

Bokuto almost had a heart attack when he heard those two words. _What?_ he mouthed, because he couldn't pronounce that single word out loud even if he tried.

"I want to watch you too" Kuroo stated, confidence radiating from his entire body, while one of his hands was still slowly pumping his dick.

And that was the moment Bokuto thought he was going to stop breathing for good. "A-Are you s-serious? Do you really want to?" he barely managed to ask.

Kuroo pointed his left elbow against the mattress and partially lifted his body. From that position it was easier for the two of them to look at each other. "Why are you so surprised, Bo? I know it's weird because we're bros and all, but I've got eyes too, you know, and you're hot as hell" Kuroo commented, making Bokuto's heart beat faster and faster. Was it possible, then? Did Kuroo actually like him?

He remained still on the spot, his breathing heavy, shocked eyes locked on Kuroo. "Take your clothes off" the boy on the bed suggested, even though his voice almost sounded like an order. At that point, Bokuto's brain crashed completely and he started undressing so quickly that he almost tore his clothes off his body instead of just taking them off. When he was completely naked, he exhaled a sigh of relief, because his dick was still standing to attention, but it wasn't hurting as much as it did before.

He never took his eyes away from Kuroo the entire time, and once all of his clothes were off, Bokuto noticed something weird. Kuroo was staring at his dick with the same hunger Bokuto felt when looking at yakiniku after a long day of volleyball practice. His dick twitched at that thought.

"Touch yourself" Kuroo asked again, eyes never leaving Bokuto's erection.

Was it possible, then? Did he really have a chance to do what he truly desired? All he could do at that point was to give it a shot. "I'd rather touch you instead. Can I?" he tried.

Kuroo's eyes snapped back up to his face. Bokuto couldn't tell if his friend was more aroused or shocked by his question. That reaction, however, made Bokuto's heart hammer in his chest.

"Fuck yes. Please. Touch me" Kuroo breathed out, then he let himself fall back on the bed, both arms and legs open. He was completely vulnerable like that, ready to be taken. A sight that went right to Bokuto's dick.

A moment later, Bokuto was on the bed. He had one knee between Kuroo's legs, hands pressing against the mattress on both sides of his friend's head. In that position, Bokuto was partially lying on top of Kuroo, their erections touching one another, making them both shiver. They were so close now, Bokuto only needed to lower himself a little more in order to close the distance between them completely.

"Fuck, you’re steaming hot" Bokuto let out as little more than a breath, making Kuroo smile at him. Kuroo raised both hands and brought them to the back of Bokuto's head, grasping his hair and making a mess of it, bringing Bokuto to groan out loud.

It was too much, he couldn't stop himself anymore. When he noticed Kuroo staring at his lips, Bokuto just leaned forward a little bit, capturing Kuroo's lips with his own. They kissed with passion, mouths exploring each other, moaning against each other, their tongues entangled with one another. They only separated when they were completely out of breath, but not even a heartbeat later Bokuto was kissing down Kuroo's neck, making his way down to his chest.

They both brought their right hands to their erections, pressing them together and enveloping them in both of their hands, stroking them with a slow rhythm. Kuroo's left hand was behind Bokuto's back, fingernails digging into his skin, giving Bokuto a sensation of pain mixed with pleasure that could make him go mad.

"I don't know what the hell you did to me" Bokuto started saying in between kisses on Kuroo’s upper body. "I wasn't even into guys before I saw your videos, and now you're all I can think about. I want to touch you. Kiss you. Fuck you. _Have_ you. No cameras, no one watching. Just you and me. Like this. All the time. If someone else tries to touch you again, I'll chop their hands off. You're mine. Mine. Mine" he continued, planting a kiss on Kuroo's skin between each sentence. He had already lost all control, he was completely unable to stop himself at that point.

He only regained his composure when he realized that Kuroo was trembling a little too much. At that point Bokuto kissed his way back up to Kuroo's face, where he stopped at a few inches of distance, what was needed to look into the other's eyes. What he saw, however, felt like a punch in the stomach. Kuroo was biting at his lower lip, his eyes wet. Was he trying not to cry? Had Bokuto screwed up and ruined everything?

Each of them still had a hand slowly pumping both of their dicks. Bokuto's left hand, however, was still pressed against the mattress. He lowered himself more, so that his forearm was now pressing on the bed, allowing the hand to cup Kuroo's cheek. With his thumb, Bokuto caressed Kuroo's cheekbone.

"I'm sorry. I have no right to claim you as mine" he quickly said, hoping to be able to take back everything he'd said. He didn't want Kuroo to be upset, he just _wanted Kuroo_.

He was surprised when Kuroo brought his own left hand to Bokuto's face, thumb pressing against his lips. He still looked one second away from crying, but there was a small smile curving his lips. "I can't believe it. When I thought it wasn't possible to fall in love with you more than I already was, you go ahead and do this. You're killing me!" Kuroo confessed with a smile, making Bokuto completely unable to move, talk or even breathe.

There was silence now, the only sound Bokuto could hear was his own hammering heart. Or was he imagining it? Because Kuroo just said that he was _in love_ with him, and Bokuto's world had just stopped making sense. He opened his mouth, shocked but incredibly happy, thinking about something to say, when a door closing in the distance captured the attention of both of them.

"Tetsu, we're home!" a female voice yelled, and both boys froze on the spot. With the crappiest timing in the universe, Kuroo's grandparents were home earlier than expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, not sorry. At all.


	11. What are we?

After hearing Kuroo's grandmother say that they were home, the boys stared at each other for just a second, that moment of pure shock that took them to realize what was happening. Then Kuroo started to panic. "Shit, my grandparents!" he quickly whispered, pushing Bokuto off of him and trying to stand up.

Bokuto almost fell off the bed, but he managed to remain there, sitting on the mattress, while Kuroo was putting his clothes back on at lightning speed. "Hurry, get dressed!" Kuroo urged Bokuto when he noticed that the boy was still naked on the bed. Only when he was told to, Bokuto stood up and redressed quickly.

By the time they heard Kuroo's grandparents walking past the bedroom door, they were both fully clothed, sitting on the bed side by side. They both had heavy breathing and disheveled hair, but at least they looked somehow almost presentable.

They remained in silence, until they saw the bedroom door open, Kuroo's grandfather peeking inside to see if anyone was home. Bokuto was barely able to force a smile and wave mechanically towards the man, while Kuroo put up a little more of a show, until the man was gone and the two of them were alone again.

Bokuto let out a long breath, before letting himself fall back on the mattress, his head still spinning because of the revelation he had before Kuroo's grandparents returned home ruining the moment. Kuroo had just told him that he loved him. He had actually used the words _in love with you_ , so it was impossible to misunderstand. The more he was thinking about it, the more his heart was beating like crazy. In addition to that, his dick was still very much erect, hurting like hell and not helping with the situation at all.

He was lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling and trying his best to steady his breathing, when he realized that Kuroo was still sitting beside him, probably thinking about his confession as well. Bokuto knew that he needed to say something, but he didn't know what. What would he have done, if Kuroo's grandparents hadn't arrived when they did? He wasn't going to tell Kuroo that he loved him back, because he knew it wasn't true. Or at least he was aware of the fact that he couldn't know for sure, since his own feelings towards his high school friend were still a surprise even for him, a new discovery that he was making every day. In other words, he was the first one who didn't know how he really felt about Kuroo.

He was, however, aware of the fact that he needed to say something at some point. "About what you said..." he started to say, even though he still had no idea of how to finish that sentence. He imagined that he could just let his mouth pronounce whatever felt right at the moment, without overthinking anything.

Before he could continue, however, he felt the weight on the bed shift, a sign that Kuroo was standing up. "Forget about what I said, it's nothing. I think it's time for you to go, though" Kuroo informed him, making Bokuto start to panic.

In an instant, Bokuto was standing in front of his friend, trying to look into the other's eyes and failing. In fact, Kuroo was avoiding his gaze, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, looking very uncomfortable.

"Kuroo..." he called as a low whisper, his eyes pleading, but the other boy ignored him completely, turning his back at him. Worried that he might have fucked everything up somehow, Bokuto clouded Kuroo's personal space and hugged him from behind.

He'd probably done something wrong, because otherwise why would have his friend been so upset? "I'm sorry..." he apologized sincerely, even though he had no idea of what he was apologizing for. He just wanted Kuroo to turn around and smile at him, because he couldn't stand the thought of making the other miserable.

"Just go. Please" Kuroo breathed out, his voice almost cracking. It hurt Bokuto to hear that, but what else could he do if not as he was told? He took a deep breath, then deposited a few quick kisses on the back of Kuroo's neck, making the other shiver at the touch, before letting go of his friend completely.

Based on how he was acting, Kuroo was probably wishing to be able to take his confession back. Did it mean that it wasn't true, then? And yet he had seemed so sincere in that moment, so much that he'd been able to melt Bokuto's heart completely. Or maybe he was thinking about someone else when he confessed to Bokuto?

That thought was enough to break him, to ruin everything. Since Kuroo still wasn't saying anything, wasn't even accepting to look at him, Bokuto couldn't do anything other than leave. Slowly, he let go of the other's body. "Goodbye" he whispered while turning around, and with that he walked out of the bedroom. Kuroo didn't try to stop him, not even when he was at the front door of the house putting his shoes and jacket on.

When he left, while walking towards the train station to get back home, Bokuto was feeling troubled. He couldn't shake that uncomfortable sensation of having ruined his friendship with Kuroo forever.

And it had all been his fault, of course. Because he couldn't settle for watching Kuroo's porn videos when he was alone in his bedroom. No, he had to go ahead and request a private live show! And then, when Kuroo was actually giving it to him, he couldn't stop himself from asking for more. He had to touch, he had to try and take. It didn't end well, and it was all his fault. Probably Kuroo had only told him yes because he was horny and Bokuto was _just there_ , not because he was the one that Kuroo really wanted. And that love confession? A mistake as well, otherwise why would have Kuroo tried to take it back immediately after?

Shit. He'd ruined everything.

During the following few days, Bokuto didn't hear from Kuroo, and he was too afraid to be the first one to contact his friend. He feared that Kuroo would have just rejected him again, and therefore he preferred to keep quiet and suffer in silence. After the events of that day at Kuroo's, he hadn't even been able to watch his friend's porn videos for a while.

Then, before he could even realize it, winter break was over and Bokuto was going back to college. He'd spent a lot of time with his family and with most of his friends, meaning that in the end he was satisfied with how things had gone. At the same time, however, he was wishing he'd had the possibility to spend more time with Kuroo as well. He wanted to know how his friend was doing, if he was still upset with Bokuto or if he was feeling better.

However he didn't have the courage to call or even text the other boy, so he just kept wondering. Until the first evening back in his dorm at school, when he was unpacking his bag by turning it over inside his wardrobe and emptying it inside. His mother would have probably killed him if she'd seen him doing that, especially because she'd taken time to iron his clothes and fold them perfectly before his departure.

As he watched his clothes lay all crumpled inside his wardrobe, the boy bit at his lower lip, thinking about something else that was perfect until not long ago and now looked to be completely ruined. Then he called himself an idiot for comparing his friendship with Kuroo to his stupid clothes.

Filled with melancholy, he ended up opening a certain porn website on his computer, since his roommate wasn't going to get back until the following morning. He hadn't watched Kuroo's videos while at home, therefore he was surprised when he opened Kuroo's page on the site and found out that there was a new video uploaded. It was another solo video, and Bokuto brought the cursor over the preview image and waited, as if the video was going to magically open by itself. He wasn't sure if watching that video was going to be the right thing to do. Especially because it had been probably shot before anything happened between Kuroo and Bokuto, so the former Fukurodani volleyball player felt like that video wasn't supposed to be for his eyes. Or maybe it was?

He tried to ignore that uncomfortable feeling, but he couldn't. In the end he closed his computer, picked up the volleyball that was always somewhere on the floor of his room and went outside to play alone, hoping to be able to distract himself. It didn't work.

For the following weeks, Bokuto kept checking his phone more frequently than he used to in the past. It had been now more than a month since the day he left Kuroo's house, and the two of them still hadn't talked since then. It was starting to hurt too much, Bokuto really wanted to go back to at least being friends, but he was afraid to contact the other. He was waiting for Kuroo to get in contact with him, because he was sure that his friend was still mad at him for whatever he did that day.

The problem was that Kuroo didn't seem to have any intention of calling him, and Bokuto was only getting more frustrated. He even decided to try talking to Kenma the next time he went to Tokyo. He still had to play the final match of the championship, after all. And Kenma was going to be there the day of the match, as he'd been for all of the other games he'd had during that championship tournament. Since Nekoma's setter was Kuroo's best friend, maybe he could tell Bokuto what was up with Kuroo, and why he'd estranged himself.

When he got to Tokyo, the day before the final match, he was tense. That game was going to be the most important of the year, and he couldn't really afford to perform poorly. He needed to be concentrated, he wanted to shine. That was the reason why he managed to keep all thoughts of Kuroo out of his head until the referee signaled the end of the match.

They played five sets. Bokuto's team lost the first set, but then won sets number two and three. Losing set four, however, meant that they were tied, and the fifth set was needed. The teams seemed to be pretty equal at that point, and they managed to take the set score to the twenties. The game finished when the captain of Bokuto's team crashed through the opposing block from the middle, scoring point number 23 while the opponents were still at 21.

Before the match, Bokuto had been so tense, so focused, that he hadn't even looked for Akaashi and his other friends in the audience. He was sure that they were there, end of story. Now that everything was over, that they had won, he looked for his high school friends in order to celebrate with them as well. He noticed Akaashi standing in first row, clapping his hands with a proud smile on his face. Beside his best friend, Bokuto could see a few other Fukurodani players, as well as a few boys from Nekoma. But there was no Kenma.

Well, Fuck. Nekoma's setter had been to every single one of his games, and the time he really needed the boy to be there, he wasn't. Or maybe he was just playing some videogame staying out of sight? That was a possibility as well.

After his team finally left the court, Bokuto took a quick shower and told the coach he was going to meet with some friends outside the stadium before they left. This time he didn't want to be left behind, he really wanted to go back to college with the rest of his team and properly celebrate the victory, but he also needed a few minutes with his friends first. Therefore, as soon as he was ready, he ran out looking for his high school friends.

The moment he spotted them, he started making his way towards them, but he was intercepted by Lev, who gave him a bear hug and started yelling in his ear, probably damaging it for good. When he was able to free himself from the very tall second year, he greeted the others. There were a few Nekoma players, but just as he'd seen there was no Kenma.

"I thought Kenma was going to be here" he pointed out conversationally, silently inquiring for the boy's whereabouts.

"He was supposed to, but he caught a cold at practice the other day, so he remained home. He says hi" Lev explained, making Bokuto sigh.

Talking to Kenma, possibly alone, was his last chance of finding out what was wrong with Kuroo. Now, however, that chance was gone, and Bokuto had to find something else to calm his mind. He tried, however, not to think about Kuroo while chatting with the others, and he was pretty much happy when he hugged them all the moment his team joined him, informing him that it was time to go.

It was now two months after Kuroo's house, and Bokuto still hadn't touched himself while watching his friend's porn. It didn't seem fair, considering what the situation with them was at the moment. From time to time, however, he opened the website just to check if they'd uploaded any new material regarding Kuroo.

Bokuto was surprised on a Tuesday morning in which he had no classes. He remained in his dorm room, and took out the computer while still lying in bed half asleep. He opened the website, checked for Kuroo's content and froze. There was indeed a new video upload. A video in which Kuroo wasn't alone, and that had probably been shot sometime during the past few weeks.

Immediately, Bokuto's eyes fell on the tags listed below the preview image, finding out who was starring in that video with Kuroo. At that moment, Bokuto started boiling with rage: it was that _Honey_ guy. Kuroo's ex who dangerously resembled Bokuto. Again.


	12. Bonus chapter: Kuroo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As the title says, this will be a bonus chapter dedicated to Kuroo. It initially wasn’t supposed to be there, but after posting the first chapter of this story I felt the need to add this one, turning the fic from 17 to 18 chapters long.  
> At first I wasn’t sure about writing a new chapter to put in the middle of a story that was already completed, I was afraid it could end up being too different from everything else and completely out of balance. But since after all it’s also the only Kuroo pov chapter in a story following Bokuto’s pov, I figured it was going to be out of balance anyway, so I just went with it. And I’m happy I made this choice, I really am.
> 
> I have to say that I’m a huge sucker for angst, and I love writing angst of course. And since in everything I have posted so far there isn’t almost any angst at all, I needed to put in an angsty chapter just to see a few hearts break (including mine, because I’m just that horrible). Therefore, **warning for angst in this chapter**!!!
> 
> This chapter will cover Kuroo’s pov during the events of chapters 10 and 11. Next week, however, we’ll go back to Bokuto and the story will continue to move forward.  
> I hope you’ll enjoy this change of pace though.

Kuroo was the first one who didn't have the slightest idea of what the hell he was doing. But Bokuto had just told him that he wanted to watch him masturbate, so why the hell not? It was still practice, after all, and he needed to put in as much of that as possible, if he wanted to excel at his job. Working as a porn star was embarrassing, because he couldn't talk about it with anyone. He feared people's judgment, because the truth was that he found his job kind of appealing. That was the reason why he usually acted as if shooting porn was a bother, when it was actually fun. And he loved to be good at it too, therefore every possible occasion was perfect to practice. It wasn't rare for him to jerk off in the strangest possible situations, to let go of the last bits of shyness he was still holding onto.

But doing it in front of Bokuto for a private show? Well, that was beyond any possible level of insane. First of all, he never thought he could have ever been able to make his body do it, because if he was secretly turned on by the idea of people watching him touch himself, it was a completely different story if Bokuto was the one watching. After all Bokuto was one of his closest friends, and probably the only person in the entire world who could make Kuroo feel like some sentimental twelve-year-old.

The second reason why he thought that masturbating in front of Bokuto was insane was simpler than that: he would have never in a million years imagined that Bokuto, of all people, could be interested in watching. Sure, he'd been talking a lot about his videos, a sign that he'd probably watched them all a few times, which he had to admit was weird. But it was still Bokuto, and Bokuto did a lot of weird shit, Kuroo had been able to get used to that during their years of friendship. Wanting to watch him jerk off live, however, was beyond anything even Bokuto had ever done before.

At first, Kuroo was hesitant. Maybe, after all, his friend was just pranking him. Yet Bokuto looked so serious when he asked, pleading even. Kuroo knew that the other wasn't that much of an actor, his emotions always too easy to read. It could only mean one thing, though: that Bokuto actually _wanted_ to watch. He'd probably started finding his videos amusing, otherwise he couldn't see any other reason for Bokuto to be interested in that kind of stuff. After all, wasn't he perfectly straight?

Kuroo was, however, intrigued by the idea of finding out why Bokuto wanted to watch him. That was the main reason why he accepted to perform for him. It wasn't just because it was going to be good practice, but mostly because he wanted to understand the real reason why Bokuto had asked him in the first place.

In the beginning it was embarrassing, but Kuroo was a professional. If he closed his eyes and tried to relax enough, he was still able to mentally go through his usual routine in order to get hard. He could feel, however, Bokuto's eyes staring at him, which made things more difficult for him. A part of him was aroused at the idea, but another one was afraid, because it was _Bokuto_. Had it been any other one of his friends, he probably would have never felt so tense. To be honest, actually, had it been anyone else he probably wouldn't have even accepted to put on that kind of show. But he did because it was Bokuto, and Kuroo couldn't stop himself from hoping that maybe... maybe deep down his friend felt the same as him.

Apparently Bokuto was always watching his videos, because maybe he actually liked watching them. Bokuto liked watching _him_ , and that should have been more than enough to get him fired up. And it actually worked. He got hard, feeling goosebumps caused by Bokuto's staring.

Then he heard it. Bokuto was panting, breath even heavier than his own. That was when he decided to open his eyes and take a look. At that point, the irrefutable proof that Bokuto was actually into it stood in front of him. Because his friend seemed mesmerized as he looked at Kuroo, and when he lowered his gaze down Bokuto's body, he noticed that the other was undoubtedly hard. Well, that was unexpected, but definitely welcomed.

That was when an idea started running through his mind, and he decided to try it out. He teased Bokuto a bit, receiving a very interesting reply back from him. He received, in fact, confirmation that Bokuto indeed jerked off while watching his videos. That specific piece of information changed everything, because it meant that probably Bokuto wanted him for real. It gave him the opportunity to try and get something out of it himself.

Kuroo asked Bokuto if he could watch him as well, and he found that his friend's reaction was incredibly endearing. How was it possible that someone as hot as Bokuto wasn't aware of the effect that a body like his could have on someone? Why was he surprised by the fact that Kuroo wanted to watch him too? But that, after all, wasn't important, because soon Bokuto was naked and Kuroo had to use all of his force of will in order to stop himself from coming right that instant. Because damn, Bokuto really had the perfect body, and his erection standing right there definitely wasn't helping Kuroo a single bit.

Even though he was feeling a little more nervous, Kuroo did his best to keep all negative thoughts out of his mind. After all, he was pretty sure he was never going to get another opportunity like that one in his life. Bokuto was the most amazing human being he'd ever met, the only one who could make his heart beat as if it was about to explode, and he'd just taken all of his clothes off. Kuroo would have been a complete idiot if he'd let that perfect chance escape his grasp. It wasn't time to panic, it was time to show Bokuto that he was serious.

He showed his most confident smirk as he asked Bokuto to touch himself, but he almost died on the spot when his friend replied that he would have preferred to touch _him_ instead. That was indeed even more unexpected, but it brought Kuroo to lose his mind almost entirely. Of course he accepted, gladly, and a moment later Bokuto was on top of him on the bed, their naked bodies touching each other. And when Bokuto kissed him, his brain stopped working altogether.

Notwithstanding the situation he was in, Kuroo wasn't stupid. He knew that Bokuto wanted him, but at the same time he was also pretty sure that it was only a physical thing, and nothing more. His friend would have never really returned his feelings, and that was the reason why Kuroo had every intention of keeping them well hidden. Unfortunately, things didn't go as planned, because Bokuto started telling him all of those nice things, and Kuroo couldn't help it, his body reacted on its own. He almost cried like a stupid little girl, so happy he was, and then he confessed like a moron.

Only after telling Bokuto that he loved him, Kuroo realized what he'd done. From that position, he couldn't really decipher the expression on the other's face, but he was pretty sure that there was something else beneath Bokuto's surprise. Fear, maybe, or worry. One thing was sure: he didn't seem to be happy, because he didn't move and he didn't say anything.

Luckily, Kuroo's grandparents arrived at the perfect time to put an end to that awkward situation. Immediately, they both stood up and got dressed, but Kuroo could easily realize that the silence between them was becoming uncomfortable. And whose fault was that, if not his own? He needed to find something to say, but Bokuto spoke first, mentioning his confession. From the way he sounded, he was probably going to tell Kuroo that he wasn't interested in him that way, that he was okay with fucking but not with the feelings. And Kuroo really didn't want to hear any of that. Therefore he told his friend to forget about what he'd said and just leave; the other obliged, breaking his heart.

***

It had been almost a month since Bokuto left his house, and Kuroo hadn't heard from him since then. It almost felt surreal, because never in his life he would have imagined to lose Bokuto's friendship. He was the happiest person on the planet after realizing that doing gay porn wasn't making his friend run away from him, but now all of his hopes and dreams were starting to crumble back on top of him. He was a pining fool who couldn't keep his mouth shut, and because of that Bokuto didn't want to talk to him anymore.

It hurt like hell. He'd never really been able to understand what being in love actually meant, until the day he met Bokuto. During the years he had adapted to the situation, knowing that his friend was never going to return his feelings, and finding a way to cope with it on his own, in order to maintain their beautiful friendship the way it had always been. But now everything was ruined, and Bokuto had basically just ghosted him. It was the worst experience he'd ever had in his entire life.

The more he suffered, however, the angrier he was getting. The way Bokuto was behaving was incredibly unfair, and that was the reason why Kuroo felt the need to make the other pay for it, somehow. How to do it, however, was still a very good question. The answer to all of his doubts, however, came to him completely out of the blue, in the form of a phone call from a porn movie director he had already worked with in the past.

"There was a lot of talk about you lately, and to make it quick, I'm calling you to ask if you'd like to film a scene with someone. You're becoming one of the website's most appreciated twinks, I'm sure your fans will love to see some of their favorite hunks fuck you" the director said after a couple of polite greetings.

Kuroo rolled his eyes. Well, straight to the point. That kind of language didn't bother him though, and he still appreciated the bluntness used by the director. He hated when people in his line of work tried to tiptoe around the subject. After all his job was indeed getting fucked, and he hated when the people he worked with used stupid figures of speech to make it sound prettier than it was. He found those attempts to be more demeaning than being clearly told that he had to take it up the ass.

"Do you have someone specific in mind, or can I choose?" Kuroo asked. He wanted to hear the director's suggestions first, but if he ended up not liking them, he would have gladly put in a few names himself. There were some guys he was more comfortable working with than others. There were also a few guys he'd been able to talk to but he'd never filmed scenes with. In other words, there were a few people he would have been happy to work with.

Unfortunately, the director didn't suggest any of those people. He only mentioned a couple of guys Kuroo had already worked with and that he would have never allowed anywhere near his ass ever again, as well as a couple more that he wasn't actually thrilled to have sex with, plus another one he had never even heard of. No, he was definitely not going to accept any of those suggestions.

"I appreciate the effort, but... would it be possible to do it with Mizumaru instead? I mean, Honey" he tried to ask, calling the porn star by his real name before realizing that maybe the director wasn't familiar enough with him to recognize him that way, and adding the screen name as well. Apparently, those words surprised the director.

"I thought you didn't want to work with Honey anymore. Was that an unfounded rumor?" the man asked, bringing Kuroo to bite his lower lip. No, it wasn't an unfounded rumor at all. After telling Mizumaru that he didn't want to date him anymore, he had refused any further collaborations with him, in order not to make things even more awkward than they already were. He'd only thought it was the right thing to do at the time, since the other seemed to still be pretty much into him, while on the other hand he wasn't.

"For a while I haven't been comfortable at the thought of working with him, but now I am again. Will it be okay then?" he tried to ask, hoping for an affirmative reply.

"Of fucking course! Are you kidding me? People would go nuts for another video with the two of you together!" the director seemed to be over the moon at that thought. Kuroo smirked.

"Good. I'll let him know then, and after that we can all meet to go over what we could do. I have a couple of ideas to suggest, if that's okay with you" Kuroo tried again. Because he indeed had a pretty clear idea of what he wanted to be filmed doing with Mizumaru. And even though he didn't want to specify where exactly those ideas came from, he still felt the need to suggest them to both the director and his screen partner. Also, his idea was one that would have only worked with that specific actor and no one else, because Mizumaru was the only one who reminded him so much of Bokuto, and apparently Kuroo had a thing for doing stupid shit that in the long run was only going to hurt him.

After a quick goodbye with the director, the porn star scrolled down the contact list in his phone until he found the name he was looking for. He let his finger hover for a few seconds over the _call_ button, uncertain if it was really okay to take that step, and then he finally did it. After hitting the button, he brought the phone to his ear and waited patiently. It was only after four rings that someone answered.

"Tetsu?" the voice on the other end of the line was hesitant, almost confused. He probably had no idea of why Kuroo was calling him. Kuroo really couldn't blame the guy, who could have easily thought that he'd called the wrong number or something along that line.

"Hey Mizu... it's been a while. How are you?" he started conversationally, because beginning a phone call with a request to fuck in front of a camera wasn't the most polite thing to do, especially after not speaking for months. He tried his best not to let guilt seep through his words, since he'd been the one who ended things between them.

"Oh, you know me. I'm always fine, all sex and Play Station. What about you?" Mizumaru replied, adding a question of his own. His voice sounded way more cheerful now, which made Kuroo smile.

"I'm doing fine too. Volleyball, classes and the occasional job" Kuroo replied, as he was thinking of a way to steer the conversation towards the topic where he wanted it to go. Luckily, he didn't have to work too hard in order to do it, as the other brought up the subject first.

"I've been keeping up with your career, you know. Good stuff you've been filming! Your solo videos are outstanding, as always. But I think you should alternate them with other stuff as well, to keep your fans intrigued" the young man said, and Kuroo took advantage of his words in order to let out his request.

"That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. I have an idea for a scene, and I wanted to ask you to be my screen partner" Kuroo finally said. For a few seconds there was complete silence coming from the other end of the phone.

"Are you sure? The last time we talked, you told me that you didn't want to have sex with me anymore" was Mizumaru's turn to ask, since he probably couldn't understand where Kuroo was going with his request. There was also a trace of bitterness in his voice, and Kuroo definitely couldn’t blame him for that.

"That was personal, Mizu. This is work. And on a professional level, you're one of the very few tops who try to make their bottoms feel comfortable, that's why I appreciate working with you" Kuroo admitted, because that was also true. Most of the guys he'd worked with just didn't care, but not Mizu. He was always careful to what the other person was feeling, something that Kuroo had experienced in first person. And sure, maybe in that occasion Mizumaru had given him more attentions than he usually did with his screen partners, considering that he wanted to date Kuroo for real, but he knew that the other still acted almost the same way with everyone he filmed scenes with. Others had confirmed it to him.

Mizumaru seemed to be moved by his words, and even though he sounded a little hesitant in the beginning, in the end he accepted to film that scene together. They agreed on when to meet at the studio, and Kuroo informed the other that he was going to get in contact with the director in order to confirm everything. As soon as the conversation was over, however, Kuroo started feeling guilty. He'd dragged Mizu back into his emotional rollercoaster of a private life, and all because his hope to have Bokuto for himself had turned out to be a lie. He felt weak for using such a nice person in such a horrible way, but as long as he kept everything professional with the other, maybe nobody's feelings were going to get hurt. With a lot of focus on the _maybe_.

***

A few days later they met with the director, and Kuroo's ideas for how the scene was supposed to play out were accepted. He only suggested the initial part, while they all discussed together what was going to happen in the rest of the scene. And then the day of filming arrived.

Kuroo was nervous, as he looked at the set that had been arranged as a bedroom for the occasion. He kept pacing back and forth in front of the bed, reflecting probably too intensely on his current situation. He was afraid that maybe he was making a mistake. Was it going to be too much? Was he going to make things worse between himself and Bokuto, since his friend was most likely going to watch the video?

But in the end, did he even care? He needed to take Bokuto out of his mind, and Mizumaru was the best person to do it with. After all, Bokuto was the one who stared at him in silence like an idiot when he confessed his love, meaning that he obviously didn't feel anything in return. That meant that Kuroo had every right to have sex with whoever he wanted. He couldn't consider it an actual rebound, but still something pretty similar.

He didn't even realize that those thoughts were making him shake until he felt two strong hands rest on his hips from behind. Slowly he turned around, to find Mizumaru smiling at him in a way that only made Kuroo mad. There was too much of Bokuto in the way that guy acted, and he wasn't sure he wanted to deal with it at the moment.

"You're upset. You can talk to me, you know. We're still friends" Mizu told him, bringing a hand to caress his face. Kuroo closed his eyes and tried to breathe, but it wasn't exactly easy.

"It's okay, I just need a moment to enter the sexy place in my brain and then I'll be good to go" Kuroo lied, trying not to make the other worry and probably failing.

"It's that guy again, isn't it?" Mizumaru asked, ignoring his previous words and actually surprising him quite a bit. Mizu's voice was calm, but he was pouting, a sign that he definitely didn't like whatever he was talking about.

Kuroo chuckled hearing those words. He'd never actually talked about Bokuto to Mizumaru, but at the same time he'd said quite enough for the other to get to his own conclusions. Which, to be completely honest, were also pretty accurate. For a moment he felt like opening up a little, explaining what was troubling him, but he didn't. It wouldn't have been fair towards Mizumaru, who would have most likely felt used. Because, to be honest, Kuroo was actually using him at the moment. He was ashamed of himself for it, but he couldn't help himself.

"Yes, but I don't want to talk about it. Seriously, just give me five minutes and I'll be okay" he tried to convince the other. Which wasn't easy, because he couldn't even convince himself.

He watched Mizumaru sigh and get closer, cupping his cheeks in both hands. Before he could do anything, the other planted a quick kiss on his lips, a gentle touch, but that took him completely by surprise. Kuroo blinked a couple of times, as he felt a sting in his eyes that he tried his best to make go away. He certainly didn't want to cry right before the beginning of filming.

"I'll take care of you" Mizumaru stated with a gentle smile, before letting go of him and walking towards the director to discuss a few final details.

Kuroo felt shaken for several seconds after that. Among the fans, Honey was one of the favorite actors. He was built like a marble statue of a Greek god, and he put passion in everything he did, therefore it was only obvious that people loved to watch his performances. But the truth was that behind Honey's perfect appearance, Mizumaru was probably the sweetest person who had ever decided to start a career in porn, and that knowledge kept making a feeling of guilt resurface inside Kuroo’s stomach.

When the other said that he was going to take care of Kuroo, he sure wasn't kidding, and that Kuroo knew all too well. Mizumaru was going to act like the perfect gentleman, not because there was a camera there but because he wanted to, and Kuroo was going to think about Bokuto rejecting him the entire time.

Soon it was time to begin filming, and Kuroo still needed to calm himself completely. That was the reason why he made a promise to himself. If he ended up embarrassing himself in front of the camera, by crying or anything of the sort, he was going to punch himself in the face. With that thought in mind, there was a determined look on his face as he went to position himself on the bed, ready to begin.

At the end of filming, Mizumaru tried to hug him, a sad expression on his face as he looked at Kuroo with concern in his eyes, and probably even a little hurt. Kuroo, however, pushed him away and stood up, quickly grabbing the robe that some guy was passing to him and quickly putting it on to cover his nudity as he left the set. Then, as soon as he was alone, Kuroo punched himself in the face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I have this thing for abusing my OCs. I’m sorry Mizu, I still love you, I swear!


	13. Jealousy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, after last weeks "different" chapter we are now back on track with the regular updates. We have Bokuto again here, and the story will resume from where it left off at the end of chapter 11.  
> I'm also glad than many of you have appreciated the change of pace of chapter 12, I'm really happy with my decision of writing it!

Bokuto stared at the tags under that video for a few minutes, trying to steady his breathing. Of all the people he could have shot a video with, he'd chosen Honey. Well, to tell the truth Bokuto didn't know if Kuroo was the one who chose or if some company he worked for had chosen for him, but whatever. He could have still had the decency to refuse! Instead, he'd filmed another porn scene with his ex. That ex who pretty much looked like Bokuto, since the universe was probably happy to screw with him that way.

What was the meaning of it? Did he do it because of Bokuto and what happened during winter break? He felt nauseated by that thought. Still, he needed to know. With trembling fingers, Bokuto clicked on the preview image and opened the video. That was the moment he really started feeling like someone was punching him in the guts, repeatedly.

The video started with Kuroo on a bed, slowly taking his clothes off. His movements were sensual, those of a good porn actor who knew exactly what he was doing. Once he was naked, Kuroo lay down on the bed, one hand on his dick, the other on his upper body. Nothing different than what he'd done in several of his solo videos. It was probably his most practiced act, because it was the same one he had also used while giving Bokuto a private show.

Then, not long after, Honey came in. Just like the previous video, the young man had his grey hair spiked towards the back, and each closeup of his face showed both his big golden eyes and his huge confident grin. Bokuto found him unnerving, because he was aware of what that person had been to Kuroo in the past, therefore it was only obvious that he couldn't stand the guy. He would have given anything to be able to punch him in the face.

In the video, Honey was watching Kuroo with hunger, and Bokuto wondered if that was just acting or if he still had some kind of feelings for the younger boy. That was another disturbing thought, something Bokuto really didn't want to think about.

For a few seconds, the camera kept shifting from one actor to the other, perfectly showing that they were both staring at each other. Then Honey began to take off his clothes, and for a moment right there Bokuto thought about closing the video and forgetting all about it. But he kept watching instead.

When Honey was completely naked, his dick perfectly erect, the camera stopped on Kuroo. The volleyball player lifted the hand he was caressing his own body with, and used the index finger to signal Honey that he was supposed to get closer. And so the other did. He walked towards the bed, slowly lying on top of Kuroo. From that position, the two of them kissed, then they used one hand each in order to press their erections together and pump them.

At that point, Bokuto was utterly fuming with rage. He was so angry that his face was turning purple, and he felt the need to punch the wall. He did, receiving a loud complaint from the guy in the next room, who apparently was sleeping at the moment. Okay, maybe his reaction had been a little too much, but how could he be blamed? Because the guy in the video with Kuroo looked like him, and what they were doing on screen was basically the same actions that Bokuto and Kuroo had done together.

Was that a joke? Was it Kuroo's way to get back at him? The two on the screen were kissing while pleasuring each other, and Bokuto had to stop watching, because it hurt like hell. He clicked on the stop button, then started pacing around his room, pulling at his hair.

Kuroo knew that he kept watching his videos, so he probably did that on purpose, with the exact intent of having Bokuto see it. It was almost evil on his part, because what the hell was he even trying to accomplish? What did he want to demonstrate to Bokuto? Did it mean that he'd actually been in love with Honey all along, that Bokuto during winter break had only been a mistake, and that was his way of letting Bokuto know about it?

If that was the case, it had been a jerk move.

The rest of the day, Bokuto could hardly concentrate on anything he was doing. He skipped all of his classes, and he sucked at volleyball practice, to the point of being reprimanded by both the coach and the captain. Later in the evening, after practice was over, he decided to go for a run instead of going back to his dorm. The temperature was still pretty cold, especially in the evening, but he had so much energy to burn that he wasn't even feeling the cold.

He was wearing a long sleeve shirt under the tank top he usually wore to go running. He was also wearing leg warmers, since his shorts didn't cover a great portion of his legs. His phone was secured against his left bicep with a large elastic band, and he had headphones that allowed him to listen to music from his phone while he ran.

Bokuto managed to make a lap around campus when he felt the need to quicken his pace, imagining Honey's face every time he kicked the ground with his feet. Finding out about Kuroo's new video had undoubtedly messed him up pretty badly.

After yet another quick sprint, Bokuto slowed down to catch his breath. He was starting to feel tired, but at the same time he needed to let go some more. His run had slowed down to a quick walk, and even though he was overworking his body, he still had his mind on Kuroo and that stupid video. With adrenaline pumping through his veins, however, he felt bolder than ever. That was why he took his phone in both hands, searched for Kuroo's number and pressed the _call_ button before he could have any second thoughts about it.

The phone rang, while Bokuto was still walking at a quick pace. However, there was no answer. It only made things worse, because it meant that Kuroo had hurt him on purpose and now was outright avoiding him. Was it really the end of their friendship? No, he couldn't stand for it. Even though the first attempt had gone unanswered, Bokuto tried calling Kuroo again. The phone rang several times, and the result wasn't any different.

He was about to hang up and try calling again, when surprisingly Kuroo answered. "What?" was all the other boy said, the tone of his voice showing that the phone call was somehow annoying him. Bokuto felt taken aback, to the point that he even stopped walking. Kuroo's attitude, however, put him on the defensive.

"Just answer one question and I'll stop bothering you" Bokuto spat out, his voice almost aggressive. "Did you film that video just to hurt me?"

The moment he pronounced that question, Bokuto could hear Kuroo inhale quickly on the other end of the phone, but not exhale, a sign that he was probably holding his breath. What, wasn't he expecting such a question to arrive at some point? Did he think that Bokuto was only going to suffer in silence and never ask him anything about what the hell happened to the two of them? If that was really what he thought, then he was wrong. Because Bokuto was rapidly going crazy, and he needed to know what was really happening in order to find some peace.

"Did you watch all of it? Paying attention?" Kuroo asked. His voice was a little more than a breath, and he sounded somehow sad, _defeated_. Bokuto had no idea what to make of it. Was his friend acting, just to make him feel more guilty? Or was he actually feeling down because Bokuto had watched a video that was clearly intended for him to watch?

"I stopped when things were still looking too familiar. You know, just as if I've lived through them myself" Bokuto retorted with sarcasm. He heard Kuroo sigh after hearing his words, and he felt his heart starting to beat faster while he waited for a reply. He needed to receive some kind of explanation, after all. Something that justified what had happened.

"You should have watched until the end before complaining about it, then. But it doesn’t matter anymore at this point" Kuroo commented, his voice barely audible.

"I think I've seen enough, thanks. Have you noticed the resemblance between me and that Honey guy? Seeing you with him makes me sick!" Bokuto replied. He didn't want to say things so openly, but at the same time he couldn't keep silent anymore. He needed to let the other know how much he hated to see Kuroo have sex with someone who looked like him but _wasn't_ him. He needed his friend to understand how jealous he was. Sure, jealousy wasn't the noblest of feelings, but at the moment he couldn't care less. He just wanted Kuroo for himself.

On the other end of the line, Kuroo was breathing heavily. Had Bokuto's words hit home? He didn't want to hurt his friend, but at the same time he didn't want to get hurt either. He just wanted to understand why Kuroo had filmed that video. He needed to find out what he'd done wrong to the other boy, so that he could finally make it better.

"I get your point. I really do" Kuroo stated, his voice still low and somehow sad.

Bokuto didn't want to rub it in, not like that, but at the same time he needed to state his point even more. "Really, do you? Because after what you told me that day, I thought-" but he couldn't finish, because Kuroo interrupted him, talking over him. "Forget what I told you! It's nothing, it means nothing. Just forget about it, please!" and this time Kuroo's voice was stronger, but with an undertone of urgency.

Those words almost made Bokuto cry. It was true, then. Kuroo had never meant those words he'd said. He didn't love Bokuto, he had probably just confessed to him in the heat of the moment, or something like that. Probably he was thinking about someone else, maybe for a second there he'd mistaken Bokuto for his lookalike. Honey was the one Kuroo was in love with, then. Bokuto couldn't even explain why, or how it was possible, but that knowledge hurt like hell.

Without even realizing what he was doing, Bokuto brought a hand to clutch at his shirt right above his heart, trying to steady his breathing. It was over, and he needed to make peace with it. Kuroo had been able to make him feel something; some feelings he'd never thought he'd have towards another guy. And then, just like that, he'd taken it all away.

What was he supposed to say at a time like that? Was he supposed to accept the end in silence? He sighed, looking for something to say, when the other spoke again. "Can we go back to the way we were before? Please... I miss my best bro" 

Kuroo's voice was almost begging, and Bokuto soon realized that he needed to stop being selfish if he didn't want to lose Kuroo completely. The other boy still wanted to be his friend, just like they were before that day in Tokyo when everything was ruined. Refusing that request would have made him look like a true asshole. At the same time, he was the first one who didn't want to let go of Kuroo's friendship. If the other preferred to go back to the way things were before, then all he could do was to agree. Because the feelings he was developing towards Kuroo were preventing him from severing that bond completely. He wanted to be able to still be close to the other boy, even if it was just as friends without benefits.

"Friends, then? Just friends?" Bokuto asked. He was hoping to receive a _no_ for an answer, though. He wanted to hear Kuroo say that they couldn't be just friends, that they needed to be more. What he heard, however, was just a _yes_ , proof that they couldn't be anything more than what they'd always been.

After clarifying that part, they kept talking on the phone, slowly going back to their usual banter. They were mocking each other, laughing, but somehow it didn't feel right. Sure, Bokuto was happy to be finally able to talk to Kuroo again, just like he'd always done in the past, but at the same time there was something missing. They never mentioned porn during that entire conversation, or sex, or anyone's relationships. They just talked like the two old friends that they were.

During the conversation, Bokuto kept walking back to his dorm, now really feeling the cold. When they finally hung up the phone, he was in front of the entrance of his dorm building. He quickly got inside, and when he reached his room his hands were freezing.

"Did you go outside like that? Are you crazy or something?" his roommate inquired when he noticed the state Bokuto had returned in. However, the volleyball player just shrugged in reply to what the other had told him. The boy gave him a disapproving look, a look that was probably silently telling him something along the lines of _if you get a fever I’ll let you die_ or the like, then he went back to the book he was reading.

Bokuto quickly grabbed his stuff and went for a hot shower to wash away the cold. Then, when he got back, he went to bed bringing his computer with him. He plugged in his headphones, so that his roommate wouldn't be able to hear what he intended to watch, and then he opened the porn website looking for Kuroo's latest video.

Something that his friend had told him over the phone was still bugging him, and he wanted to see more clearly into that situation, after all. Kuroo had asked him if he'd watched all of the video, paying attention. What did that even mean? Was something going to be different, if he watched all of it? Was he going to notice something else, if he was to pay more attention to it? He needed to know, just to close the circle before he accepted to let go of Kuroo completely.

He pointed the heels of his feet against the mattress, resting his laptop on his bent knees, keeping it as close as possible to his face. He needed to see the details of that video, not only the general end result.

When he found a position that was comfortable enough, he clicked on the start button and let the video play itself on the screen. He didn't have the slightest intention of touching himself, he actually felt pretty nauseated by what he was seeing. But he still needed to watch the video until the end.


	14. Maybe it's something more

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I would like to thank everyone for the feedback and the support you're giving me about the fics I'm posting. Right now I've taken a little time off from writing, but I'm currently editing another Bokuroo long fic that I've written a couple of months ago. I will start posting it once this one is over. And since I love angst, it will be very long and full of angst.  
> I have a few more Bokuroo projects that I have in mind, and I will start working on them after my brain recovers completely from the massacre that NaNoWriMo has been for me this year. In the next couple of months, however, I hope I'll be able to post several one-shots and maybe a couple of new long fics. Even though I certainly won't be writing as much as I did during the past few months. In any case, the feedback I'm receiving is encouraging me to keep writing Bokuroo, so I definitely will.

The video started just like it did the first time. On that second watch, however, Bokuto wasn't looking at the bigger picture anymore. He was only concentrating on the details, to see if there was anything out of the ordinary there. He watched Honey undress himself and join Kuroo on the bed, and his friend turned his head a little to the side, before smiling at his screen partner with what could only be read as desire. Bokuto rewound the video a little, replaying that part once again. He leaned a little forward, so that his face was even closer to the screen, and then he saw it. It was a moment in which Kuroo's acting had slipped. When Honey joined him on the bed, Kuroo didn't seem to be that happy about it. Sure, he turned away from the camera for a moment, probably to straighten his expression or something, but the video still caught it. He felt bothered by the person clouding his personal space, as if he didn't want that guy to be there.

Was that one of the signs Bokuto was looking for? Was that what Kuroo had mentioned when he asked him if he'd watched the video paying enough attention? Or was he just imagining things? He was starting to get even more confused than before. If Kuroo really liked Honey, why did he seem to be disgusted at the idea of having that guy naked on top of him? He should have been happy about it, even though it was just to put on a show for the cameras!

Holding his breath for a few seconds, Bokuto kept watching that video, seeing what else he'd missed the first time.

After that, nothing strange happened in the part of the video that he had already watched before. Then he went on to the rest of the video, the part that he'd skipped the first time because he couldn't bring himself to watch it.

The two on the bed kept on touching each other and kissing for quite some time. Then, Honey started kissing down Kuroo's neck, then his chest, his abdomen, and he kept going lower and lower. Bokuto clenched his fists when he saw Honey take the tip of Kuroo's dick inside his mouth. He didn't have any right to touch Kuroo like that! But Bokuto couldn't start yelling at the screen, so he kept quiet and watched.

Honey was sucking on Kuroo's dick with emphasis. He wasn't doing it because he had to, Bokuto could clearly see that the guy actually liked what he was doing. That made him feel even sicker, because it reminded him that Honey was into Kuroo for real, he wasn't just acting with him.

As the other guy kept sucking Kuroo off, the camera moved up, until Kuroo's face was back on the screen. The pleasure he was experiencing was real, Bokuto could clearly see that there was no acting there. His friend's eyes were closed, his cheeks a little flushed, and his lips were moving. He wasn't speaking out loud, but he was mouthing something. Bokuto leaned forward to look closer, trying to read his lips, but the camera moved away too soon, going back to Honey's mouth.

Once again, Bokuto rewound the video. He watched those few seconds over and over again, but he still couldn't read what the hell Kuroo was mouthing. He gave up after four attempts, going on to watch the rest of the video.

After that, Honey started fingering Kuroo's ass, preparing him to welcome something else. Bokuto could hear his friend moan, the magical sound that usually went straight to his dick, but that now was only disgusting him more. Because Kuroo was really into some other guy, and that guy resembled Bokuto so much, and it was enraging.

Not much later, Honey penetrated Kuroo. He kept kissing him while he fucked him, and Kuroo didn't do anything to free himself. He actually wrapped both arms and legs around the other guy to keep him close. He looked like he was experiencing real pleasure, just like he did during the first video he'd shot with that same screen partner.

Then why were his eyes wet? Bokuto only noticed it because he was staring at Kuroo's face with his nose pressed against the screen of his laptop. He increased the volume, trying to hear if there were other sounds coming out of him, but there were none, just the occasional moans of pleasure. Then why was Kuroo holding back tears? Were those tears of joy, or was he in pain? He didn't seem to be in distress, his body was responding perfectly to Honey's stimulation. What was the problem then?

In the meantime the act went on, and Honey reached his orgasm first. He pulled out of Kuroo, coming all over him; Bokuto bit his lower lip to stop himself from growling with rage. Then he started jerking Kuroo off quickly, to bring him to his climax as well. Soon after, the camera showed Kuroo spilling all over himself, and even though it was a gorgeous sight, Bokuto tried his best not to let that mine his concentration. He waited for the camera to change its angle, pointing towards his friend's face, because that's what he was interested in seeing.

He wasn't disappointed. Soon, the camera showed Kuroo's face as the boy was experiencing the last of his orgasm. His eyes were closed, a single tear escaping from the left one. And his lips were moving again, more clearly than they did a few minutes before. They were less impossible to read at that point. Bokuto increased the volume once again, until he was able to hear the static sound of the surroundings as if he was there. That was when he heard it.

It was mostly Kuroo's breath, but he could swear it was there too. While the boy's lips moved, he also produced a shaky sound. " _Bokuto_ " he whispered. It would have been impossible to hear, even more impossible to understand, if giving attention to more than just that single sound. Nobody else watching that video would have ever been able to hear it. Bokuto, however, didn't care about anything else, so he noticed. And then he panicked.

The video ended with Kuroo grabbing Honey by the hair and kissing him desperately. Bokuto, however, didn't know what to think anymore. He closed the screen of his laptop, putting the computer in standby, then took off his headphones and threw them to the end of the bed, as if they were burning him. Nothing he did, however, could have ever made him forget what he heard. Kuroo, saying his name while he came, even though he was in bed with Honey.

Bokuto was _sure_ that Kuroo had feelings for that guy, that he only did what he did with Bokuto because of the resemblance with Honey. It had been clear because of the way Kuroo had acted after confessing his love to the wrong person. Now, however, Bokuto was starting to have doubts. What if he'd been wrong all along? What if that day Kuroo had really wanted to confess to him? Had it all been just a huge misunderstanding?

He wanted the truth, he needed it. He needed Kuroo to talk to him for real, without repeating to just forget about what had happened. They needed to talk about it out loud. Screw forgetting, Bokuto needed to remember every second of it. The sensation he had felt that day with Kuroo, kissing him, touching him, was the best he'd ever felt in his entire life. He didn't know if that was what people called love, or just something incredibly similar, but he couldn't forget about it. He wanted to feel it over and over again.

He wanted Kuroo. And if there was a chance that Kuroo really wanted him too, that all that went wrong between them was only a misinterpretation of the situation, he needed to find out. He owed it to himself and to his friend.

That night, Bokuto tried to sleep but he failed. He tossed and turned in his bed, unable to fall asleep, his head full of thoughts of Kuroo. He growled while kicking the blanket off, then he pulled it on again because it was cold, only to kick it off again five minutes later. It was around 3 in the morning when his roommate, who was really trying his best to get enough rest, tossed him a pillow hitting him on the head, a sign that he couldn't take it anymore.

Realizing that probably sleep wasn't an option after all, he took his computer again and checked for train departure times. If he wanted to solve his problems, if he wanted to start feeling better at some point, he needed to make Kuroo talk to him for real. And the only way he could think of in order to accomplish that goal was to talk to his friend face to face, in a situation where Kuroo couldn't run away from him. That was why he decided that it was time for him to go visit his friend in college.

He found out that the quickest solution to go to Kuroo was to get the train to Tokyo and change trains there. The first train to Tokyo was pretty early in the morning, and the train station wasn't too far from Bokuto's college campus. If he got dressed and grabbed his stuff immediately, he could have walked to the train station in time to catch the first train to Tokyo. Once there, he would have had all the time in the world to wait for a connection towards his real destination.

It wasn't even 4 in the morning when he started getting dressed, without having slept even for a second. He was going to have time to sleep on the train, after all, since the train ride was going to last a few hours. When he walked out of his dorm room, trying his best not to wake his roommate again, Bokuto was holding his gym bag over his right shoulder. Inside the bag he had put a few items he couldn't go without, since he didn't know how long he was going to stay out: his phone charger, toothbrush, deodorant, a change of clothes, and his volleyball gear just in case.

With that, he walked towards the train station to catch the 5:15 am train to Tokyo. Once on board, he finally managed to fall asleep, and when he got to the city he was feeling a little better. He was still tired though, and definitely tense. He was really doing it, after all. He ran away from college in the middle of the night, without letting anyone know where he was going, without leaving so much as a note to anyone. He took a train out of town, not caring about classes or volleyball practice. His coach was going to want this head for that, but he really didn't care. His coach's rage wasn't important at the moment. Making things right with Kuroo had to come first.

When he finally reached Kuroo's college, Bokuto checked his phone. The train had been perfectly on time, meaning that it was very early in the afternoon. Now all he needed to do was to find Kuroo. Not an easy task, tough, since he didn't have the slightest idea of where to even start looking for him. Of course he couldn't call his friend, because he didn't want the other to know that he was there. He couldn't give Kuroo any possibility to refuse his visit.

Bokuto started walking around campus, taking in the sight and trying to see if he recognized anyone there. The first thirty minutes were unsuccessful, but after a while he thought he saw a familiar face. There was a couple walking around holding hands. The girl was laughing at something the boy had said, and the boy looked like someone Bokuto had seen before. Was he on Kuroo's volleyball team, maybe? There was only one way to find out.

Before the couple could walk too far from him, Bokuto jogged in their direction, stopping right in front of them. "Excuse me, sorry to bother you" he said, attracting their attention. The girl studied him with a curious expression, since she had never seen him before. The boy, however, seemed to be definitely more surprised.

"Are you in the volleyball team?" Bokuto asked the guy, who immediately nodded. In the meantime, however, the other boy was also studying Bokuto with interest.

"Wait, are you Bokuto-kun? Are you here because you're considering transferring schools and joining our team?" the boy asked, starting to get excited. He knew who he was talking to, then. It only made things easier.

"Yes, I'm Bokuto. No, I'm not leaving the team that just won the college championship tournament" he immediately informed to other, to put an end to that discussion so that he could steer the conversation in the direction he needed at the moment. "I'm here because I really need to speak with my friend, your teammate Kuroo. Do you know where I can find him?" he finally asked, a tone of urgency in his voice.

The guy in front of him didn't seem to be happy at the news that Bokuto wasn't joining their team after all, but when he asked for Kuroo's whereabouts at least he could give and answer. "I'm pretty sure he's studying now, I guess he's in his dorm" the boy explained.

"Awesome. Can you tell me where his dorm room is, please?" Bokuto pressed again, and the other volleyball player ended up giving him pretty precise directions. Apparently, he knew where Kuroo's room was because he'd walked him back there once after a party, when Kuroo had been too drunk to get back on his own. Bokuto laughed hearing that story, then he thanked the boy, said goodbye to him and to his girlfriend, and started running towards the building where Kuroo's dorm was located.

He only stopped when he reached the right door, trying to steady his breath and calm down his heartbeat. Only then he took a deep breath and knocked on the door.


	15. Kiss me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting closer and closer to the end, and it's finally time for the boys to have a good talk. But will everything work out, or will they keep being stupid? xD

After knocking on Kuroo's door, Bokuto just stood there, waiting. He started counting the seconds that separated him from the appearance of his friend, so even though he thought it had been an eternity, he knew it was only six seconds from when he knocked to the moment the door started opening, soon revealing the face and bedhead of one Kuroo Tetsurou.

The other boy looked outside, undoubtedly to check who was the person looking for him. When his eyes fell on Bokuto, he definitely changed his expression, going from neutral to completely shocked. "Bokuto? What are you doing here?" he asked, the surprise almost tangible in his voice.

At the same time, the boy outside the door tried his best to act normal, because now that Kuroo was standing there in front of him, everything seemed to be way more difficult than it had been when he was just planning it. He barely managed to swallow, doing his best not to show how really nervous he was while looking directly at Kuroo.

"We need to talk. Now" he stated, making his words sound like an order. He wanted to radiate confidence, even though he was pretty sure he was failing miserably at that. Kuroo blinked in his direction, confused, but he stepped aside anyway. "Sure. Come in, bro" he said, letting Bokuto in and closing the door after him.

Once they were both inside the room, completely alone, Bokuto dropped his bag and suddenly forgot how to speak. He took a look around the room, noticing that it was about as big as his own dorm room, but it was a single room. Did porn really pay so well that Kuroo could afford to request for such a comfort? He shook his head, trying to shoo that thought away.

"What's so important that you couldn't tell me on the phone?" Kuroo then asked, bringing Bokuto back to the present. He stopped looking around and brought his gaze to his friend.

He took a deep breath before he started talking. "I watched the video again" Bokuto started, and he could see Kuroo's expression change as soon as those words came out. His friend opened his mouth to say something, probably some excuse considering how embarrassed he looked, but Bokuto didn't let him. He needed to finish what he had to say, before letting the other talk freely as well. If he got interrupted, he knew that he was never going to say everything he wanted to.

"This time I watched until the end. Paying as much attention as possible" he declared. The volume of his voice was low, but the tone managed to come out calm, something Bokuto could barely believe himself. His eyes, in the meantime, were staring at Kuroo's face, trying to read every single reaction from the other. He probably wasn't the brightest, when getting to the right conclusion was concerned, but he had always been good at understanding people. Sure, most of his former Fukurodani teammates often told him that it was more instinct than brains, like some kind of animal, but it was still something, and he needed to use it in that precise moment to understand Kuroo's reactions.

His friend blushed when Bokuto mentioned watching the video with attention, and once again opened his mouth to say something. This time Bokuto didn't try to interrupt him, but no sound came out anyway. Kuroo just closed his mouth again, staring at Bokuto with worry. Then, after a few seconds, he definitely put on a show, because even Bokuto could see how uncomfortable he looked.

"Nice acting, wasn't it?" Kuroo commented, his words accompanied by an incredibly nervous laugh.

At that point, Bokuto realized something. Probably Kuroo didn't really want him to watch that video until the end, after all, especially paying such close attention. That was because Kuroo was trying to _hide_ what he did during the filming, what the camera caught and whoever edited the scenes thought was too minimal, too insignificant, to cut it out of the video. Did it mean that Kuroo wanted to have Bokuto in that bed with him instead of Honey? Bokuto's heart started beating faster and faster.

"Is saying my name when you're in bed with someone else what you call nice acting?" Bokuto's question came out as little more than a whisper. He wasn't even sure that his voice was loud enough to be heard by Kuroo, but he realized that the other had heard him when he saw him shoot his eyes open and start biting at his lower lip.

He definitely looked nervous, probably even scared. Bokuto tried to take a step towards him, but as soon as he moved forward, Kuroo took two steps back. Was the other boy really trying to get away from him? What did he think Bokuto was going to do? He stopped the moment he saw Kuroo's reaction. He didn't want to scare his friend, or make him even more uncomfortable than he already was. That conversation was already going to be difficult, he didn't want to make it any worse.

"Kuroo?" he tried calling, his voice as gentle as possible, to remind the other that he was supposed to say something.

Kuroo tried to smile, but it came out as more of a grimace than an actual grin. "It's not what you think" he quickly said. His words were pronounced with so much emphasis that Bokuto found himself taking a step back.

Bokuto sighed at that. "Then please tell me what it is. Because the moment I saw it, I knew that I needed to talk to you. And I was sure you were never going to tell me anything on the phone, so I dropped everything and I came to you. Please talk to me, Kuroo" he let out all at once, without even breathing in between words.

All of a sudden, Kuroo looked sad, defeated, as if he'd lost every ounce of fighting spirit. He didn't seem like he wanted to try and hide things anymore. "You saw the video. What you saw is exactly what happened" Kuroo admitted, his eyes fixed on the floor.

Bokuto tried to take a deep breath, but it was incredibly shaky. "Is it true, then? Did you wish it was me instead of him?" he asked, talking very quickly, even though the words didn't come out as he wanted them to. He soon realized that he'd probably been a little too harsh, maybe even rude. That wasn't his intention, though, he just wanted to get the words out before his voice cracked.

That tone, however, put Kuroo on the defensive, because he raised his gaze to look at Bokuto and he seemed to be mad. "Yes, okay? Yes, I wished it was you! I wish it every time! You're the only thought that makes me get hard in front of a camera! Happy now?" he growled out, almost yelling.

Hearing Kuroo raise his voice like that, however, made Bokuto angry as well. Because if it was true, if Kuroo really thought about Bokuto while he was in bed with someone else, how did he really feel? Was that all a strategy to make fun of Bokuto?

"You're making me go insane! One moment you like me, one moment you don't. Just choose one and fucking stick with it!" Bokuto started yelling. At that point, they were probably disturbing half the people in the building, but Bokuto didn't care a single bit. And Kuroo probably didn't care either, because he kept yelling back.

"I made my choice years ago, and it's always going to be you. You're the one who can't handle it!" Kuroo yelled with spite.

The two of them were standing in the middle of the room, not too far from each other, and they were looking at each other with resentment. For months they'd kept things inside, and now they were finally letting everything out, all at once.

Kuroo's words hit Bokuto like a slap in the face. It was true, then. Kuroo really wanted him, and it had been going on for years apparently. It meant that the confession was real, and it only made Bokuto even angrier. Because if it was true, why the hell had he taken it back? He’d made Bokuto think that he'd confessed to the wrong person, that he'd said something he wasn't actually feeling.

"I'm the one who couldn't handle it? You confessed to me and you took it back like five seconds later, you didn't even give me time to really understand what you said! I thought you didn't mean it! I was _sure_ you didn't mean it" Bokuto kept yelling, because everything was incredibly unfair. If Kuroo really meant that confession, why did he take it back? Why did he make Bokuto think that it was just a mistake, and that he needed to forget all about it?

"Well, I meant it, okay?" Kuroo kept yelling, his face almost turning purple. Bokuto clenched his teeth for a moment when he heard those words.

"Then why are we still yelling?" Bokuto kept yelling at the other.

"Because sometimes you're so dumb that you just make me mad!" Kuroo replied, the tone of his voice never changing.

"Well, this time you’re dumber than me, so just shut up and kiss me already!" Bokuto raised his voice even more, to signal the end of the argument. It was stupid, it was pointless. Kuroo really was in love with him, he'd just confirmed that, and what was Bokuto going to do about it? He didn't want to keep fighting, he wanted to get what he'd come all that way to win over: _Kuroo_.

His last words were enough to shut Kuroo up completely. He could see the other breathing heavily, looking at Bokuto in shock. Wasn't he expecting something like that to happen? Did he really think that Bokuto didn't want him at all? He hadn't been in love with Kuroo for years like Kuroo had been with him, but it didn't mean that there weren't any feelings there. It was clear now, Bokuto was sure that Kuroo had to have picked up on that at some point. Like that day at Kuroo's, when he said all of those things regarding how much he wanted to have Kuroo all to himself forever. He thought that had been enough to make things clear on his part. Or maybe it hadn't?

"What did you just say?" Kuroo barely breathed out, his mouth hanging open in shock.

Bokuto smiled at him. No more lying, no more hiding. No ore misunderstandings. They both needed to come clean once and for all, because that situation was starting to hurt for real, and Bokuto was sure that neither one of them deserved it.

"I want to kiss you. Like I've wanted to kiss you for months now" Bokuto repeated, leaving Kuroo completely speechless. The other boy kept staring at him in shock, his mouth slightly open, his eyes wide and full of confusion. He probably wasn't expecting that at all. Did he really think that Bokuto didn't care? Did he take his confession back because he thought that Bokuto didn't feel the same?

"Why?" Kuroo finally managed to ask, probably still too in shock to say anything more.

Bokuto gave him the sweetest smile he could manage to produce. "Because I realized that after all, I’m falling for you too" he finally confessed himself. That was the truth; he was falling for Kuroo at a dangerous speed, and even though he still wasn't head over heels in love, he knew that he was getting there, that he was going to be there pretty soon in fact. And he didn't want to hide it anymore. He wanted to finally see if the two of them could be something more than friends.

He barely finished speaking that Kuroo was crowding his personal space, both hands in his hair, eyes fixed on his, trying to look inside his soul. "Do you really feel that way?" Kuroo asked, and Bokuto could see how vulnerable he was in that moment. He didn't look like the confident son of a bitch he called his bro. He was fragile, as someone who was opening his heart but was still afraid of getting hurt.

It was endearing, actually, and it made Bokuto smile with fondness. He brought both hands to cup Kuroo's cheeks, and he used his thumbs to caress the other's cheekbones. Then he leaned forward and pressed his lips against Kuroo's.

The kiss was somehow magical. It felt like he was breathing for the first time in months, for the first time since that day on Kuroo's bed. His heart started pounding in his chest, and he couldn't be happier. He just wrapped his arms around Kuroo and kept kissing him. Slow kisses, passionate but still sweet. He didn't want the other to think that it was only about the sex. He actually was the first one who didn't want it to be all about the sex.

When falling for a porn star, sex was of course going to be an important part of the relationship, because it was the other person's job after all. But at the same time Bokuto didn't want Kuroo to think that he only cared about him for his job. He wanted Kuroo to understand that, even though he really wanted to have sex, he wasn't going to push for it. He was going to take it slow, to do everything in his power to make Kuroo feel comfortable.

They only separated when they really needed to breathe, but they stayed close enough that their lips were brushing against each other every time one of their heavy breaths made them move even slightly. Bokuto was smiling widely, finally really happy for the first time in months, and he could see that Kuroo was smiling as well. Kuroo's eyes were showing all of his vulnerabilities, and for a second Bokuto felt the need to protect him. That was a stupid thought, however, because Kuroo was strong enough not to need his protection. But he wanted to cherish his beloved friend, and show him how much he meant to Bokuto. That was something he could do.

"Is this real?" Kuroo asked after a while. Bokuto gave him another quick kiss, and another one after that.

"Yes. I really care about you, and I really want you" Bokuto confirmed.

"It still seems so surreal. After years of pining, I can't believe you actually want me back. You know, I've tried to stop thinking about you, I even dated some guy just because he reminded me of you, but in the end I couldn't get you out of my head. And then, of all people, you find my porn and it makes you fall for me? It's so... I don't know, rom-com?" Kuroo commented, a smile painted on his face.

Bokuto rolled that thought in his head and found it so funny that he couldn't stop a laugh from escaping his lips. "Hey hey hey, we're so cheesy" he said, and at that point Kuroo was laughing as well. Then, however, he leaned forward and kissed Bokuto again, until the only thought in Bokuto's mind was Kuroo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So basically, I brought my most beloved OC into this fic only to get his heart broken by someone who dismisses him by calling him "some guy" as if he means nothing. I'm horrible towards the characters I love the most! xD  
> But hey, at least Bokuto and Kuroo managed to sort their shit out! :D


	16. Touching paradise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so the smut shall begin. I really don't think there's anything else left to say a this point.  
> Thank you all for reading and leaving awesome feedback! ^_^

Their exchange of kisses was going from sweet and innocent to something else entirely. Every kiss was more heated than the previous one, and before he could even realize what was happening, Bokuto was panting against Kuroo's mouth, bodies pressed together. The air between them was hot, making Bokuto quickly lose his mind. And with that he was sure that he was soon going to lose control as well. But he didn't want to, he didn't want Kuroo to think that he only cared about the sex.

That was the reason why he remained utterly surprised when Kuroo broke the kiss and stared at him with a hunger that almost made him look scary. "Fuck me" he said, with what Bokuto perceived as an order. Those two simple words were enough to make Bokuto's mouth go dry, his brain threatening to switch off completely.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Bokuto asked, hesitant. He wanted it, he really did, but only if Kuroo was really okay with doing it as well.

The reply he received was more than what he expected. Going back to his usual confident self, Kuroo put on a smug grin while he pressed his body against Bokuto's even more, rubbing up against him. Bokuto could clearly feel the other's erection against his body, and that only made his own twitch with anticipation. Then Kuroo started kissing the right side of his neck, and when his mouth was close to Bokuto's hear, he talked. "Every time someone else was inside me, all I could think about was you. Now I want the real deal. I want to finally have _you_ inside me" Kuroo's voice was teasing, and the way his tongue played with Bokuto's earlobe in between words was really doing things to him.

Damn, Kuroo was good. Was he like that because constantly performing naked in front of a camera had made him cheeky, or was his personality just so layered? At the moment, however, Bokuto had to admit that he couldn't care less. He liked that side of Kuroo, and he couldn't wait to see more. He'd be lying if he said that he didn't find that idea exciting.

Before he could have any time to regain his ability to speak, Bokuto felt Kuroo's hands against his chest. At first he thought that the other was just touching him, but a second later he got pushed away with enough strength that he stumbled backwards. Kuroo had that predatory look in his eyes that made Bokuto think that he was going to be completely fine with whatever the other wanted to do. That was the reason why, when Kuroo pushed him again and he fell on the bed, Bokuto didn't do anything other than comply.

He just had time to blink a couple of times, and Kuroo was way closer than he was before. Before he could even raise a hand towards the other boy, Kuroo was straddling his hips, and using both hands to push Bokuto down against the mattress. He didn't move, he didn't do anything, he just let Kuroo kiss him again, and touch his upper body with expert hands. He sure knew what he was doing, and Bokuto was loving every second of it.

He thrust his hips a little towards Kuroo, grinding against him, and smirked. "I like this version of you" he commented, a smug grin appearing on his face. Kuroo replied with an identical one.

"And you still haven't tried the best part" was the vocal answer that he received, that was enough to make him moan out loud.

Kuroo was really killing him. It felt like it was too good to be true, and having his friend on top of him was really doing things to him. He felt pure ecstasy, as Kuroo started to grind down on him repeatedly, gorgeous sounds escaping his mouth and going directly to Bokuto's dick. Then Kuroo sat back up and started taking his clothes off. Bokuto could barely breathe as his eyes were hungrily following every strip of skin that was revealed to him, until Kuroo was shirtless and working on unbuttoning his pants. Under him, Bokuto was still completely dressed.

When Kuroo had to get off of him in order to remove his pants and boxers, Bokuto tried to sit up and take off his own clothes. He was in such a hurry, however, that his shirt got stuck on his head and arms and he couldn't free himself. How could Kuroo be so good at taking all his of clothes off so quickly while still looking sexy? Bokuto felt like a mess, and it didn't get any better when he heard Kuroo genuinely laugh at him.

"Shut up..." he muttered, blushing, while he was still trying to free his head. Not long after, however, he felt Kuroo's hands on him, helping him take the piece of clothing off. Then Kuroo threw his shirt to the floor and pushed him back down on the bed, starting to work on Bokuto's pants.

That day, Bokuto was wearing a pair of jeans. He was pretty sure that, had he tried to take them off himself, he would have never managed to unbutton them. Kuroo, however, was quick and precise in his movements, and he never stopped smirking the entire time. He was probably proud of the skills he'd mastered during his time doing porn, and Bokuto sure wasn't complaining about it.

When he was done, Kuroo pushed Bokuto's jeans down, and the boy had to lift his hips a little in order to help his friend take them off of him completely. He now remained in only his boxers, a completely naked Kuroo kneeling between his open legs and looking at him like he was some incredibly appetizing kind of food.

"What?" he asked, trying to lighten the mood. He wasn't used to such a huge load of sex drive. That was the reason why, even though he wanted Kuroo more than anything else in the world, he felt the need to make a little irony, maybe try to laugh about something.

"Oh, the things I'm going to do to you..." Kuroo commented in reply with a smirk on his lips, and that didn't help at all to lighten the mood. In fact, Bokuto was now getting even harder, as he watched Kuroo lean down and start kissing every inch of his body that he could reach. Kuroo's mouth was hot and wet against his skin, and it was better than anything Bokuto had ever experienced. He had already realized that his only previous sexual experience was going to be nothing compared to whatever he was going to do with Kuroo, but how could it have already been so much better when the other boy was only kissing him, and he still had his boxers on?

Bokuto tried to steady his breathing, but of course it didn't work. Because Kuroo was trailing down along his body, kissing his abdomen, passing his tongue inside Bokuto's bellybutton, and then going downwards again, until his lips reached the hem of his boxers.

From his position on the bed, Bokuto felt the immediate need to thrust upwards, towards Kuroo, and he tried to do it, but for some reason he couldn't. Was he too weak for his brain to manage sending orders to the rest of his body? Oh, no, that wasn't it. Kuroo's hands were digging in the flesh on his hips, keeping him still. Even though Bokuto was more muscular than his friend, Kuroo was still an athlete, he was still pretty strong, and he was just proving it in that moment, keeping Bokuto in place.

Was that paradise? Because it sure felt like it. Bokuto's breathing was heavy and definitely irregular, and his brain was losing function. Especially when he felt Kuroo's nose brush against his erection through the fabric of his boxers. When he moaned, the other chuckled and then repeated the action, making Bokuto feel incredibly uncomfortable. He wanted more, he _needed_ more. "Are you done teasing?" he protested, his voice coming out more whiny than he would have wanted. It made perfectly clear to Kuroo that he had the upper hand, and that Bokuto was basically just jello in his hands.

"All in due time..." Kuroo commented, a smug grin always present on his lips, and Bokuto gave up. He wasn't going to struggle, he wasn't going to do anything. He was just going to stay there and enjoy the ride. He couldn't, however, close his eyes, because there was a part of him that couldn't stop looking at the expression of pure satisfaction painted on Kuroo's face.

Soon, Kuroo started planting open mouthed kisses along the length of Bokuto's erection, always through the fabric of his boxers. Bokuto was quickly going insane. He didn't have the strength to rebel, to even ask for more, but he _wanted_. He wanted Kuroo to just take him in his mouth, he wanted everything that he could get.

Then the teasing stopped. Kuroo grabbed the waistband of his boxers between his teeth and like that he pulled down. Bokuto didn't raise his hips to help him in his task, so Kuroo had to use one of his hands to force the boxers down Bokuto's legs. He moved away from his spot for long enough to remove the boxers completely, then he went back between Bokuto’s legs. He looked at Bokuto's dick, now free from all constrictions and standing at attention. Bokuto almost fainted when he saw Kuroo lick his lips.

He tried to take a deep breath, while Kuroo was leaning down, eyes fixed on Bokuto's and mouth incredibly close to the boy's erection. After that, Kuroo wrapped his lips around the tip of Bokuto's dick, and it was pure perfection. It was hot, and wet, and just fantastic.

Bokuto had never received a blowjob. Okay yes, he had, but not really. It was a messy try of a girl who clearly had no idea of what the hell she was doing. Kuroo, on the other hand, was a fucking porn star, and he sure as hell knew what to do with his mouth. Bokuto was crying with pleasure after just a few seconds, with Kuroo's tongue licking at the most sensible skin right under the tip.

He lost all control, now incapable of looking at Kuroo. He had his eyes closed, his hands covering his face and pressing hard, trying to stop himself from screaming. Because it was so good that he almost didn't care if Kuroo's entire dorm building could hear him. But he tried his best to keep a little of decency anyway. He didn't want Kuroo to think that he was just an inexperienced idiot, even though he definitely was. He wasn't a virgin, but compared to Kuroo he might as well have been, because his single crappy sex experience paled in front of what the other had tried, both on and most likely off camera. Part of Bokuto was jealous at the thought of how many people Kuroo had done this with, but at the same time he felt exhilarated, because he couldn't wait to test all of that experience and exercise on his own skin. Especially now that he knew that Kuroo had wanted _him_ the whole time.

After letting a particularly loud and embarrassing moan escape his lips, Bokuto chanced to look in Kuroo's direction again, and he found that the other had his eyes still glued on him. His head was bobbing up and down, he was taking as much as possible of Bokuto's dick in every time he went down, but his eyes were still on Bokuto’s face, trying to pierce through the hands covering it. It was just too much.

Bokuto took his hands off his face and used them to push himself to a sitting position. "Stop!" he yelled while sitting up. A questioning look appeared on Kuroo's face, as he slowly let go of Bokuto's dick, his eyes still following Bokuto's.

"What's wrong?" Kuroo asked, his voice incredibly calm, an encouraging smile on his lips. Good, at least he didn't think that Bokuto was panicking and that he wanted to stop for good. That would have indeed ruined everything. Probably, however, Kuroo could see Bokuto's flushed cheeks, and he could hear his uneven breathing, and feel the drumming of his heart, meaning that he knew that Bokuto didn't want things to just end at such an inappropriate time.

"I don't want to come. Not yet" Bokuto stated, even though his words came out more as a whine. He made Kuroo chuckle.

"Don't worry, you're going to come more than once before I let you leave this bed" Kuroo reassured him, before pushing him back down. And after that he was again on Bokuto's dick with his mouth, while one of his hands was squeezing Bokuto's balls. The other one was caressing Bokuto's abs, gently scratching them with his nails, enough to do more than just tickle but not enough to really hurt.

"Are you going to suck me dry or something?" Bokuto commented, trying to laugh, but it was a very difficult task to accomplish. His face was in flames, and his voice struggled to come out.

"For now, I'll just settle for sucking you off" Kuroo replied after letting go of his dick for a moment, and as soon as he was done talking he went back to bobbing his head.

It was just too good to even describe it. Bokuto felt a familiar heat surging from his lower regions and expanding, and he knew that he couldn't hold it any longer. "Fuck. I'm going to come _now_ if you don't stop" he felt the need to inform Kuroo, a hint of desperation in his voice. He wanted Kuroo to know that it was the moment to let go, if he didn't want to find himself with cum in his mouth. At the same time, however, he was really hoping that the other wouldn't stop. He wanted to reach his climax like that, with Kuroo's hot mouth around him.

Kuroo didn't flinch even a little, apparently unfazed by the declaration. Actually, he even started quickening his pace. And just like that Bokuto couldn't hold it in any longer, so he just let got. Crying his friend's name, he exploded inside Kuroo's mouth. Kuroo didn't take his head off, and Bokuto could feel him swallow around his dick, as he helped Bokuto ride down his orgasm.

After taking in every drop of Bokuto's cum, Kuroo let go of the other boy's spent dick and raised his head, licking his lips. Bokuto was feeling the strong need to pass out, but he did his best to maintain consciousness. He smiled towards Kuroo with all the affection he felt, and his friend replied with a smile of his own, but a wicked and incredibly satisfied one.

That was the moment Bokuto realized that he'd probably just managed to fall in love completely.


	17. I love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh God, only one chapter left. How did we even get here? I can't believe this is almost over. Posting chapters of this fic has been the most regular event in my week for months, finishing it will turn everything upside down!
> 
> Today is also the first day of Bokuroo Week, so I'll start posting for that as well, since I'll be doing a fic for each of the seven days. So happy Bokuroo week everyone! ^_^

Bokuto's breathing was heavy, he was barely managing to keep it in check. His heart was hammering in his chest, probably trying to break his ribcage and escape. His eyes were struggling to stay open, and they were following Kuroo's every movement. He watched the other boy lean down again in order to kiss his stomach, and then start kissing his way up until he was basically lying on top of Bokuto, the two of them face to face. From that position, Bokuto could feel Kuroo's erection leaking precum against his inner thigh, and his mind tried to concentrate on that sensation. That was until Kuroo started to nuzzle against his neck.

The gesture was sweet, innocent, so different from everything else that had happened until that moment. It was like a moment out of time, and Bokuto did his best to fix it in his memory, while he raised shaky arms to wrap them around Kuroo to keep him there, against him.

"How are you feeling?" Kuroo asked, his voice a whisper while he raised his head just enough so that the two of them could look into each other's eyes.

Bokuto smiled. "Like I'm the luckiest person ever" he replied. He was of course telling the truth, because he really felt like he had everything he could have ever wanted. Kuroo could easily make him feel that way.

For a moment he held his breath, staring into Kuroo's eyes. "I love you so much" he heard the other confess, and after that they kissed. Bokuto couldn't name the sensation he felt when Kuroo's lips met his, the boy's words still echoing in his ears. He felt more invigorated than he did on the day his team won the college championship tournament, more important than he did when an entire stadium was chanting his name after an amazing spike. He'd always thought that only volleyball could make him feel that way, but he was wrong, because apparently Kuroo could make him feel even more blessed.

The two of them kissed slowly, affectionately, holding each other. Bokuto turned slightly to the side, and since he still had both arms around Kuroo he brought the other boy to turn with him. At that point, Kuroo wasn't lying on top of Bokuto anymore, but they were both lying on the bed on their sides, facing each other. They never interrupted the kiss, that was starting to pick up the pace to become something more intense than it had been in the beginning.

In that position, Bokuto had an arm pressed against the mattress under Kuroo's body. It hurt a little, but he didn't care a bit. He tried, however, to move it a little, enough to feel more comfortable. When he managed to do it, he found his hand to be resting on the bed pretty close to Kuroo's ass, and Bokuto couldn't resist at that. He grabbed Kuroo's ass with strength, using that hold to press the other's body more firmly against his own. Kuroo had a reaction of surprise at that gesture, wincing a little, but it only lasted an instant, because immediately after he was wrapping a leg over Bokuto's in order to get even closer.

That new position opened even more possibilities in front of Bokuto. With his free hand he caressed down Kuroo's body, and then he wrapped his fingers around Kuroo's dick. He felt the other boy take a deep, shaky breath against him.

At first, his hand moved tentatively. It was the first time he was actually trying to masturbate another boy, so he was a little uncertain regarding what he was supposed to do. He had, however, watched enough of Kuroo's videos to remember pretty well how the other boy moved his own hand when pleasuring himself, meaning that those were most likely the motions that were going to give him the most pleasure. In that position Bokuto didn't have much freedom of movement, but he tried his best to copy one of those moves, rotating his wrist a little while he pumped the erection in his hand up and down.

The response he received from Kuroo was a moan that sounded outright sinful, and then the other boy shifted slightly in order to give Bokuto more room to operate. It didn't take long before Bokuto's wrist was starting to hurt, since he was still pretty uncomfortable, but he didn't stop and he didn't even slow down. He actually tried to squeeze Kuroo's dick a little harder, while his other hand on the other’s ass was pressing the boy against him even more. Kuroo shuddered in his arms, kissing him with more intensity.

When they stopped kissing, Kuroo partially climbed over Bokuto in order to reach the bedside table located on Bokuto's side of the bed, and he started rummaging inside the first drawer. At first Bokuto couldn't even imagine what he might have been looking for, but soon he saw Kuroo get back down beside him, a bottle of lube in his hand. The boy started swaying it repeatedly in front of Bokuto's eyes, a wicked grin curving his lips, probably trying to silently let Bokuto know that it was time to use the lube.

A bottle of lube only meant one thing: Kuroo wanted to have Bokuto inside him, and who was he to refuse? He couldn't, however, enter directly, at least he knew that much. He needed to prepare Kuroo's hole to receive him, even though he wasn't sure if he knew exactly how he was supposed to do it. Sure, he'd seen Kuroo finger himself a few times in his videos, and he'd also seen other guys do it to him in some of those videos, but he still wasn't exactly sure of how he could do something like that without hurting his friend.

Feeling like an idiot, Bokuto gave Kuroo a questioning look, and the other chuckled, probably trying not to laugh at his insecurity. His eyes, however, were staring at Bokuto with adoration. "You're so cute when you're dumb" Kuroo commented, planting a small kiss on Bokuto's nose. Did Kuroo really find his inexperience to be so endearing? It didn't say much in Bokuto's favor though, he was feeling even more like an idiot at the moment. Like he needed his partner in bed to teach him how to fuck someone. Which was exactly what Kuroo was probably going to do anyway, but Bokuto sure didn't want to see it that way.

"Have you ever done it?" Kuroo asked him, using his eyes to indicate the lube, and then giving another slight movement to indicate his own back side. Bokuto chewed nervously on his bottom lip, then he shook his head. He would have wanted to say something witty, sarcastic even, but he couldn't manage to let the words out. He wanted Kuroo to be safe with him, meaning that he was really afraid that with his inexperience he could have done something wrong and hurt his friend.

"Don't worry, just follow my lead, okay?" Kuroo tried to reassure him, leaving a trail of kisses all around his face. Bokuto relaxed more into the mattress, nodding lightly. Yes, he was going to let Kuroo guide him, teach him, and the next time he was going to give Kuroo the time of his life. In that moment, however, he knew that he was the one who was going to experience something amazing.

From his position on the bed, Bokuto watched as Kuroo opened the bottle of lube with just one hand. He was still jerking Kuroo's dick, and he could see form the expression painted on the other's face that he was indeed enjoying the ministrations, but at the same time the boy was also concentrated on doing something else.

"Give me your hand" Kuroo said, trying to reach behind himself to get Bokuto's hand, that was still grabbing his ass. Bokuto obliged, raising his hand. Kuroo poured some lube on it, and Bokuto immediately felt how cold it was. Then Kuroo put the bottle aside and started using his newly freed hand to smear the lube on Bokuto's hand, paying attention to cover his fingers with a generous amount. They were, after all, the part that was going to enter his body. 

After that, Kuroo guided Bokuto's hand back towards his ass, he closed Bokuto's hand with his and only left out one finger. Then, he guided that finger towards his entrance. Bokuto could see Kuroo's face tense a little and his body arch, as his finger was starting to enter Kuroo's body. The lubricant was working miracles, because the finger could enter without too much effort. He could imagine, however, that the sensation wasn't the most comfortable in the universe for Kuroo at the moment.

"Are you okay?" he asked. A stupid question, probably. Kuroo was a porn star, taking dicks up his ass was literally his job. Then why was Bokuto so worried that he could have felt distressed with a single finger? Well, to think about it, he still cared about Kuroo way more than any of the people he'd ever been in bed with, most likely. How many of those people were just using him? Bokuto wanted the best for him, he wanted Kuroo to be the one who cried with pleasure. He didn't want to see him feel any discomfort.

"Yes, it's just a little cold, it's fine" Kuroo replied, then he gave a quick peck on Bokuto's lips before closing his eyes, probably trying to relax a little more. Soon, Bokuto could feel Kuroo's body move towards his finger, until it was entirely inside.

The sensation he felt was definitely strange. It was the first time he fingered an ass, male or female alike, and he had to admit that it was very different from anything he'd ever tried before. What he had already tried with girls was an entirely different sensation. Especially because he'd never imagined that _anything_ could ever feel as tight as Kuroo's ass was feeling around his finger at the moment. He could barely even imagine how something so tight might have already taken a dick before.

At that, another thought was popping through his mind: was his own dick even going to fit in there? Was he going to hurt Kuroo? Was he even going to be able to fuck him? And if he did, if he found himself wrapped in that tight heat, maybe with Kuroo moaning his name, was he going to last more than five seconds before coming like the inexperienced fool that he was?

He tried not to think about it, though. One thing at a time, he needed to concentrate on preparing Kuroo and making him feel better first. Therefore he kept moving his finger slowly, mostly following Kuroo's movements, as the other boy was basically fucking himself on Bokuto's hand. In the meantime, however, Bokuto's other hand was still around Kuroo's dick, trying his best to keep pleasuring him, even though he was starting to get a little distracted. Distracted enough, in fact, that he didn't even realize that his own body was reacting to what he was doing to Kuroo. He was hard again, and he hadn't even noticed.

They went on like that for a little while longer, with Kuroo starting to move more easily against Bokuto's finger. Then, the boy started kissing Bokuto's ear. "Try putting in a second finger. Start slowly" Kuroo suggested, breathing those words directly inside his ear. It was difficult for Bokuto to assimilate what the other was really saying, considering that all his body could understand at the moment was Kuroo's body language screaming _sex!_ as loud as possible.

Even though his mind was completely lost, Bokuto tried his best to follow Kuroo's request anyway. He retreated his finger, then when it was time to insert it back inside there was another one together with it. He started pressing at Kuroo's entrance with both fingers, looking for the other's gaze just to be sure. Kuroo nodded, letting him know that he could go, that it was okay, and Bokuto obliged. He started pushing two fingers inside, and this time Kuroo's body gave a little more resistance, but not enough to let him think that the other was in pain. The hole, however, was definitely too tight to accommodate two fingers at a time, and he needed to take a deep breath in order to stop imagining the sensation that such a tightness could have felt around his dick.

Slowly, he pushed the fingers inside completely, then he started moving them in and out, a gentle motion, nothing too rushed. "Move your fingers inside a little, try scissoring them" Kuroo told him again, teaching him what to do in order to prepare him for what was to come next. Bokuto swallowed with difficulty, but he still did as he was told. He tried to open the fingers a little, and when he closed them again he pushed them even deeper.

And then Kuroo let out a cry that Bokuto couldn't really understand. It didn't seem to be pain, it didn't sound like pain, but it was so sudden and so total that it caught Bokuto unprepared. At the same time, Kuroo's dick twitched in Bokuto's other hand, leaking precum all over his fingers.

"Do it again, do it again!" Kuroo requested, eyes closed and head resting on Bokuto's shoulder. His face was flushed, his hair even more of a mess than usual. He was panting, lost in pleasure, and seeing such a marvelous sight Bokuto almost felt like crying. Because he was the one doing it to Kuroo, making the other feel so good, and he felt moved to tears by that mere thought.

Following the other's request, Bokuto tried to repeat the same movement, but it didn't do anything special this time. Now that he thought about it, however, he'd felt something against the tip of his fingers while Kuroo had that reaction. Had he touched something that was making the other scream in pleasure? Could he do it again? At that thought, Bokuto pushed his fingers as deep as they went, moving them a little inside, looking for whatever he'd touched before that made Kuroo quiver in his arms.

And then he found it, and Kuroo reacted once again the same way. The sight was just marvelous, and Bokuto was sure that he could have spent the rest of his life just watching Kuroo like that. But he wasn't ready to stop though, he wanted more, he wanted the other to break entirely under his touch. Therefore, he kept stimulating that sensible area, Kuroo shaking in his arms.

"Fuck!" Kuroo then yelled, and before either of them could even react or move in any way, Kuroo was coming all over Bokuto's abdomen, his breath heavy and his eyes completely shut. It took Bokuto a moment to realize what had just happened, and he slowly removed his hand from Kuroo's dick. He was uncertain, however, about what to do with the other hand. Was he supposed to take that out as well? In the end, he opted to just take the fingers almost the entire way out, but without removing them completely nor pushing them back inside any deeper.

He moved his upper body a few inches, just what was needed in order to pepper Kuroo's face with little kisses. "You should have seen your face... so beautiful" Bokuto commented, his voice nothing more than a whisper. He was smiling at Kuroo, and when the other boy opened his eyes and saw it, he smiled as well.

"Careful, if you say it like that I might believe you" Kuroo joked, even though his voice was calm, relaxed.

"You should" Bokuto stated, before looking for Kuroo's lips again and kissing him. He tried his best to convey in that kiss all of the affection, the _love_ he felt.

At that point, there was one thing that Bokuto could say for sure: so far, that was the best day of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was "fluffy smut, round two". Ready for round three?


	18. Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well guys, we got to the end of it all. It's been a long journey, and I'm so happy that I've taken it with you all. I have to admit that posting the last chapter hurts a little bit, because I'm definitely going to miss updating this fic weekly. But at the same time I'm happy that I managed to complete yet another long Bokuroo fic. Especially because this one revolves entirely around the idea of _sex_ , and I've never been very good at writing sex scenes. Therefore this story has been a way to challenge myself to do better.
> 
> I could never thank you all enough for the support and the amazing feedback that you've given me, as I kept posting chapters during the past few months.  
> Even though this story is over, I still plan on adding two more one-shots to this verse. One will be a prequel, the story of how Kuroo got into porn and met Honey. The other will be a sequel, but I really can't say much about it. I'm not sure when I'll be able to write those two fics, but I've had them running through my head for a while, so I know that at some point I'll definitely get to them both.
> 
> Starting next week, I'll be posting a new Bokuroo long fic. It will be way longer than anything I've ever posted before, and it will have _a lot_ of angst, a good amount of fluff and all the feelings you can handle (and maybe _more_ than you can handle, actually).
> 
> That said, I'll leave you to the final chapter, hoping you'll appreciate the way I've decided to end things. Thank you all again for staying with me and the boys until the end!

When they separated from that kiss, Bokuto was uncertain regarding what to do. "Do you still want to do it?" he asked Kuroo, his uncertainty seeping through his voice.

"What kind of question is that? Of course I do!" Kuroo replied, looking almost outraged by the question. It meant that the other wanted it at least as much as he did, if not even more. After all, Bokuto had recently learned, Kuroo had been waiting for that moment for years. He blushed a little at that thought.

"Okay, I can't wait" Bokuto let the other know, and after that he pressed his fingers back inside Kuroo. The boy yelped in surprise, but he didn't try to fight the intrusion, he actually welcomed it, moving his body in order to get Bokuto's fingers deeper inside him.

"Put in a third finger" Kuroo suggested, and Bokuto took in a deep breath. But he still nodded, and he obliged.

At that point, when his ring finger joined his middle finger and pointer at Kuroo's entrance, Bokuto started feeling worried. Wasn't it going to be too much? Wasn't it going to hurt? Sure, he'd seen Kuroo do the exact same thing to himself in more than a video, but it wasn't the same at all. For starters, Bokuto's fingers were thicker than Kuroo's, meaning that three of Bokuto's fingers were more like four of Kuroo's. Was it really going to be okay?

When he started pressing inside, however, Kuroo didn't say a word. He closed his eyes, and Bokuto felt the other's muscles relax a little around him. How could he make it seem so easy? Bokuto was _sure_ that taking it up the ass wasn't supposed to be easy! Not that he had any experience on the matter, other than watching Kuroo do it, but whatever, his point was still standing.

He kept showering Kuroo's face in small, quick kisses the entire time he fingered his ass, and soon enough Kuroo was panting against his skin. They were both rock hard again, as if they hadn't just come not too long ago. When Bokuto touched that spot inside Kuroo that made the other scream again, they both realized that it was time. No more playing, no more waiting. Bokuto needed to be inside Kuroo, and after all the other probably needed it too.

Kuroo lifted himself up on an elbow, and he used the other hand in order to push Bokuto down with his back entirely against the mattress. "Hey" Bokuto barely managed to say, before Kuroo climbed on top of him, straddling his lap. In that new position, keeping his fingers inside Kuroo was starting to become more difficult, but Bokuto tried to keep them in place anyway.

From up there, Kuroo grabbed the bottle of lube again and started pouring a generous portion on his other hand. Then he threw the bottle away and reached behind himself, smearing Bokuto's erect dick with lubricant. It was time then, it was really time. Bokuto felt shivers run down his spine at the cold sensation of lube against his dick, which was running way hotter than any other part of his body at the moment.

After that, Kuroo was the one who did everything. He grabbed Bokuto's wrist, gently guiding his fingers out, while with the other hand he addressed Bokuto's dick towards his entrance. From that position, the two of them locked eyes for a few seconds, and Bokuto got completely lost in the moment. He only came back when Kuroo's body rose a little, and after that started to slowly get back down. On Bokuto's dick.

The sensation he felt was amazing, entirely different from what he'd felt the only time he'd had sex with a girl. Even though he'd spent some time stretching Kuroo's hole, it was still so tight that it was making him go crazy. Was he really going to last, being in there? Luckily he had already come once, so maybe he was going to last a little longer, otherwise he would have already spilled his load just by having the tip inside.

Very slowly, Kuroo lowered himself completely, until Bokuto's dick was entirely buried inside him. Bokuto could barely breathe, especially because of the way the other was looking at him. He couldn't tell what was really happening, why he was feeling like that. He thought he could hear fireworks in the distance, and the cheering of a crowd, along with the smell of yakiniku. It was, however, all in his head. He was imagining things, his favorite things, but none of them could even remotely compare to what he was experiencing at the moment.

An alluring heat was emanating from the point where Kuroo's body was one with his, and Bokuto couldn't stop a shiver. In the meantime, his eyes never left Kuroo's, while the other started slowly moving up and down, lifting himself so that Bokuto's dick was almost the entire way out, and then impaling himself on it once again.

Every time Kuroo went down, Bokuto felt like someone was punching all the air out of his lungs. It was intoxicating, and he wanted so much more of it. Soon, in fact, he found himself resting both hands on Kuroo's hips, actively participating in the act. He didn't want Kuroo to just fuck himself on him, he wanted to be the one doing the fucking.

His grip on Kuroo's hips was so strong that it was probably going to bruise, but the other didn't seem to care. Bokuto used that hold in order to push Kuroo down on him even more, keeping him in place, enjoying that sensation at his best. And Kuroo seemed to be liking it too, because he was barely breathing himself. Bokuto could see the other's face relax with pleasure, and his perfectly erect dick hitting Bokuto's stomach every time he was brought down with strength. Kuroo liked it, he really did. It wasn't like in those video he'd watched, with him it was all real. And the entire time Kuroo's eyes never left his, contributing in stimulating Bokuto even more.

Soon, Bokuto found himself jerking his hips upwards, trying to thrust inside Kuroo in order to bury himself inside the other even more. From that position, however, it was easier said than done. He still felt like they were too far away, not close enough. He wanted more, he needed more. They needed to completely become one for him to be satisfied. That was why Bokuto contracted his abs and, pressing both legs against the bed, he lifted himself towards a sitting position. That way, Kuroo was sitting in his lap.

From that new position, he wrapped both arms around Kuroo and buried his face against the other's left shoulder blade. He held his friend close, squeezing him so hard that he might have risked breaking a few bones. The other, however, didn't seem to be much concerned about it. In fact, Kuroo buried both hands in Bokuto's hair and kissed him.

The kiss was open-mouthed, hungry, messy. They even missed their target a few times, when the kiss kept going for long enough. Soon they were both out of breath, and they just pressed their foreheads together while they tried to catch their breath long enough to be able to start kissing again. In the meantime, Bokuto pulled Kuroo down on him even more, and from that angle he hit that spot again, the spot that made Kuroo writhe with pleasure and scream his name.

That was the moment Bokuto lost all control over what the hell he was doing. As a spontaneous reaction, he turned around and slammed Kuroo on the bed, lying on top of him. In that process, his dick slipped out, but Bokuto was quick to get it back inside with one hand, and when he was done he used that same hand to grab Kuroo's leg and lift it, giving himself a better angle to push inside. At that point, he started fucking Kuroo with might.

The boy on the bed wrapped his other leg around Bokuto's waist, not complaining about the ministrations he was receiving. In fact, he had his head thrown back, eyes closed, mouth open, and he was moaning very loudly. Every sound that came out of him was real, sincere, and they all went straight to Bokuto's dick.

Bokuto started kissing down Kuroo's neck as he fucked him, slamming against him with everything he had. The sound of flesh hitting flesh was accompanying the groans coming out of Bokuto's mouth, as well as every sound that Kuroo was making at the moment.

From that position, it didn't take Bokuto long before he found that spot inside Kuroo once again, and he kept hitting it over and over again, until the other was completely going insane with pleasure. He didn't stop until he felt Kuroo's fingernails scratching at his back hard enough to almost break the skin. Then Kuroo was coming all over himself, his dick untouched. His body was shivering, his muscles contracting. His hole tightened so much around Bokuto's dick that the squeezing sensation brought him over the edge as well.

Two more thrusts, and he felt himself coming inside Kuroo. He rode down his orgasm with slow thrusts, trying his best not to overstimulate either of them, and then he remained buried inside the other even though his own dick was going soft again. Trying to catch his breath once again, Bokuto let go of Kuroo's leg that he was still holding, and he brought both hands to caress the other's face, before starting to pepper every inch he could reach with soft kisses.

Kuroo looked happy, like a kid surrounded by birthday presents, and that sight alone was enough to make Bokuto's heart beat faster. There. That was what he wanted to see for the rest of his life. Nothing more than Kuroo's smiling face, while lying naked in bed with him. He would have given anything to make that moment last forever.

"I love you so much" Kuroo stated once again, staring at Bokuto's eyes. He looked certain, as if he didn't have the shadow of a doubt regarding what he thought at the moment. And Bokuto felt butterflies in his stomach when he heard those words, because he knew that he was completely lost.

"I love you too" he replied, his voice a little shaky, even though his eyes told an entirely different story. He knew that he was telling the truth, and his eyes said as much. He was just nervous, because he'd never really been in love before and he wasn't sure of what he was supposed to do at that point. But he thought that he was going to find out on his own, at some point. Because he didn't want to lose Kuroo, or hurt him in any way.

The reaction he received to his confession was priceless. Kuroo wrapped both arms around his neck and pulled him down, kissing him so suddenly that he literally took Bokuto's breath away. Then, not long after, they were both laughing, cuddling naked in bed, sometimes kissing, mostly just enjoying each other's company.

"What are we now?" Kuroo asked after a while, using a finger to trace unrecognizable shapes on the skin of Bokuto's chest.

Bokuto took some time to think about it, absentmindedly caressing Kuroo's hair. "Honestly? I don't know. But I want to be something, you know. With you, I mean. Like, I want to be together" he then replied.

Hearing that answer, Kuroo raised his head. "Do you mean like boyfriends or something?" he asked, looking at Bokuto's face.

Bokuto shrugged. "Yes, I guess. I mean, I want you to be all mine and everything, you know. And I want to be yours too" he managed to say, and Kuroo leaned down and captured his lips in a quick kiss.

"We're together then" Kuroo stated, and Bokuto snuggled closer to him in order to increase the contact between their naked bodies.

"Good. You're mine, then. Nobody else can touch you" Bokuto mumbled, his voice betraying how tired he was feeling at the moment. After all he hadn't slept all night, he’d only had a few hours of rest in the morning on the train, so it was only logical that he felt so spent after the amazing sex he'd just experienced.

After he said those words, he felt Kuroo tense against him. At first, however, Bokuto didn't actually realize what he'd just said that might have worried the other. His _boyfriend_. Then, Kuroo started mechanically caressing Bokuto's back.

"Do you want me to quit my job?" Kuroo asked, and after hearing that question Bokuto jolted awake in an instant, sitting up on the bed immediately. When he didn't have Bokuto's weight on him anymore, Kuroo rose on one elbow.

The two of them had serious expressions on their faces, knowing that they'd come to a very important point of discussion. Something that they of course needed to talk about, if they wanted to start a relationship. Kuroo, after all, was still a porn star, meaning that his job required for him to have sex with other people in front of a camera. Was Bokuto going to be okay with him doing that even though they were together? He actually hadn't thought about it, not even once. Sure, he didn't want anyone else touching Kuroo, but at the same time he didn't want to ruin the other's living situation by taking away his money income.

Kuroo was good at his job, and he liked it. But he probably liked Bokuto more, considering that he'd admitted he always thought of Bokuto while on camera. Did it mean that he would have left his job, if only Bokuto had asked him?

Bokuto opened his mouth to speak, ready to make that request, when he suddenly stopped. He couldn't ask that of him. It meant asking Kuroo to let go of an important part of his life. Like volleyball, or something like that. He couldn't do such a thing to a person he'd fallen in love with. Even though that part of Kuroo's life could still hurt Bokuto a lot. Especially because he would have gone insane, if Kuroo had filmed another scene with Honey.

"Do you actually like your job? Because if you do, like _really_ do, I won't ever ask you to stop. But if you don't enjoy it, if you feel forced to do it, then I'll run to your rescue and I'll even play the part of the bad guy who forces you to stop, if I have to" Bokuto finally explained.

Kuroo took a deep breath, then he raised a hand to caress Bokuto's face. "I like my job, but I love _you_. I'll stop doing porn if you ask" he said, making a small affectionate smile appear on Bokuto's face. He was right, then; Kuroo would have really done it for him.

Even though he was tempted to accept, Bokuto just couldn't. He grabbed Kuroo's hand on his face with both of his and shook his head, then brought that hand to his mouth and kissed it. "I won't. I'll never ask you that" he stated, sure of what he was saying.

He knew that was the right thing to do when he saw Kuroo's face brighten, as the other boy leaped towards him, wrapping both harms around Bokuto's neck and kissing him. "Thank you" Kuroo breathed on his lips.

At that, Bokuto kissed him again, smiling with affection. There was still a point he needed to clarify, though. An important one. "I'm only asking one thing: no more videos with Honey. And if I ever see the guy, I'll smash his face!"

He was completely serious when he pronounced those words, yet they managed to make Kuroo burst into laughter. "You really can't stand him, can you?" Kuroo asked while still laughing, since he probably found the situation to be incredibly amusing.

"Of course not: you actually dated him! He's into you for real, and you have history, so if you do it with him I'll see it as cheating on me!" Bokuto clarified, making sure that Kuroo got his point. He brought both hands to Kuroo's hips, holding onto him but without pulling him any closer, so that they could still look at each other as they talked.

"Deal! Just a few solos and the occasional random straight guy, I promise!" Kuroo accepted, before leaning forward to kiss Bokuto again. Now Bokuto was smiling openly once again, happy that the situation had been clarified.

When they stopped kissing, however, Bokuto had a wicked grin on his face, so similar to those that usually Kuroo gave him while plotting something. "Hey Kuroo, next time you're filming something... can I come and watch? Please, let me watch you!" he tried to ask. He was, after all, very much into watching his boyfriend like that, and the idea of seeing it live was appealing.

Kuroo blinked a couple of times, staring at Bokuto with a very surprised expression painted on his face. "Well, we'll see about that… you perv" he conceded with a smirk curving his lips, before they went back to kissing.

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now it's officially over. It will definitely feel strange, from now on.
> 
> If you want to talk to more Bokuroo shippers, you can join us on the Bokuroo Discord server by clicking [HERE](https://discord.gg/hxK77EZPt4).  
> If you want to discuss with me all things Bokuroo and Haikyuu, you can also find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/SuperEllen4).
> 
> Once again, thank you all for reading. It's been a pleasure writing for you all! ^_^


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